Tree_Salmon Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 The way I work in relationships is I like to bring the other person into my life and to places I've loved. In the course of the relationship I introduced my ex to tons of places I always loved on my own or with other friends and they became "OUR" spots instead of just "my" spots. This may have been a bad thing but that's beside the point. My friends question or downright suggest that I dodge all places that hold some significance to me. This would mean dodging 95% of the places I would normally go to anyway. I don't think this is a good way to deal with things. I like to go with the flow, so I've continued to visit MY old spots and enjoy them. I still have fun and enjoy my time there. I don't see the reason for dodging great memories. Or having to give up places. Although at first it felt like every cute blonde was her, but i got over it after a few times. I think its important to remind yourself that things existed long before and will exist long after the relationship. Hope this helps some of you.
EricaH329 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I agree that avoiding certain places just because they remind you of someone isn't healthy. However, at first, right after a breakup I do recommend avoiding anything that remotely reminds someone of their ex. That just prevents healing and encourages wallowing and self pity. I'm glad you've gotten to a point where you are able to visit those places without feeling a rush of negative emotions! That's great! Means you are definitely on the right path!
carhill Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I recall a similar 'test' when taking a new date to the particular restaurant that my exW and I first met at when we started to date and had later enjoyed many meals, both alone and with friends. 'Passing' this test indicated to me that I was 'moving on' in my emotional journey, in some respects. That 'test' occurred about two years ago, ten months before our D was final. It was a good canary and a pretty accurate one.
danny1972 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 are you visiting these old haunts because they remind you of your ex ? if the answer is yes then you shouldn't be in a relationship right now , you will will know when you are ready when you find your self ,in these old haunts with someone you love without even planning it , i guess what im trying to say is if you are visiting these places with the hope of seeing yr ex maybe you are being a bit selfish , how about asking her where she would like to go or visit ? my ex gf works & lives literally 50 yards from where i live in a bar but i would never consider taking my current gf there out of respect , plus if i did go there on my own it wouldn't be because i still had feelings for her it would be co's im over her and couldn't give a less what she thinks .
Sophie99 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I only just 2 weeks ago visited my local park for the first time since my breakup. It held a lot of memories.. It was where we spent the weekend before he asked me out, where he first told me he loved me and lots of others.. plus it's the place almost two years later that he told me that it was over and he didn't love me anymore. At first it hurt a little, but I've been back 3 times and it feels.. fine I think I expected it to be worse than really it was
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 are you visiting these old haunts because they remind you of your ex ? if the answer is yes then you shouldn't be in a relationship right now , you will will know when you are ready when you find your self ,in these old haunts with someone you love without even planning it , i guess what im trying to say is if you are visiting these places with the hope of seeing yr ex maybe you are being a bit selfish , how about asking her where she would like to go or visit ? my ex gf works & lives literally 50 yards from where i live in a bar but i would never consider taking my current gf there out of respect , plus if i did go there on my own it wouldn't be because i still had feelings for her it would be co's im over her and couldn't give a less what she thinks . It's actually the opposite of that. The last thing I want is to see her right now. The problem is she really had no other places she went to other than where I took her. She was a homebody and I love to explore. So every spot we ever went to was somewhere I had previously been to many times in my own past. I'm simply continuing to go to those places with friends just like I always did before she was in the picture. I did dodge those places initially out of fear that I would run into her and it would spark some emotions. But now I feel as though I shouldn't have to limit my fun because of that possibility. When she recently begged to be back with me she kept mentioning one spot in particular and kept expressing how "i just want to be back there right now with you and everything will be right again" which sounded great but i knew it wasn't that easy. She may be avoiding these places herself at this point simply because they became such powerful spots for us. But I have to try and feel comfortable there again.
danny1972 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 i dont see the prob here , just go somewhere else ! we all have fond memories of an ex or a certain place or places that sparks of nostalgia , just go about yr life .
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 I'm actually getting quite used to seeing places without her now. I'm very lucky to have a small group of great friends since childhood so I have no shortage of fun times but I still miss the connection and instinctively want to share my happy experiences with her. I'm guessing eventually it wont matter.
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