Jennie90 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 My friends set me up with a guy I don't have any chemistry at all: they're always doing this even when I've trying telling them not to. In addition, he does seems to lack some sense of humor and most of his conversations are about science, research, politics and other serious stuff (I also know those topics but too much talking about that is boring) . One time he brought a science fiction novel during the whole date. Talk about the worst date possible. Is there a way I can say no without sounding mean (I suck at it)?. It's been 3 weeks since we're hanging out and all mainly because of my friends telling him the times I'm available. Or should I keep dating him hoping I'll eventually click with him. I wish I could say no but at the same time don't want to hurt him. He seems excited to see me.
Author Jennie90 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 This is not the first time my friends done this. The first time was in 10th grade, one of my friends had to actually tell the guy I was going to another country because it was starting to get serious. So do I continue to date him and hope it'll get better?
d'Arthez Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Seems to be a hopeless mismatch. Better to end it sooner rather than later. And grow some courage and tell him yourself, without coming up with too many excuses. Lies would be more hurtful than the truth. 1
Author Jennie90 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Seems to be a hopeless mismatch. Better to end it sooner rather than later. And grow some courage and tell him yourself' date=' without coming up with too many excuses. Lies would be more hurtful than the truth.[/quote']How? I can't just say ''I don't really like you and you're not my type''. Is there a nicer way? I really suck in rejecting. I don't like being mean to anyone.
d'Arthez Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I don't like being mean to anyone. Mean would be pretending you like the guy in that way, when you don't. The longer you keep on dating him, the more he will emotionally invest in this relationship. Can you imagine what he'd feel like if this goes on for another six months? 2
TaraMaiden Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 How? I can't just say ''I don't really like you and you're not my type''. Is there a nicer way? I really suck in rejecting. I don't like being mean to anyone. How about, "you're a very nice person, and someone out there is waiting for you, but I'm sorry to say, it's not me. You're not my type, and leading you on is not my style. I hope you have a good life."
Author Jennie90 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Mean would be pretending you like the guy in that way' date=' when you don't. The longer you keep on dating him, the more he will emotionally invest in this relationship. Can you imagine what he'd feel like if this goes on for another six months?[/quote']I get you. So what can I tell him? Any ideas? Something that will not really hurt him much since we made out several times already.
NeverDated Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 How? I can't just say ''I don't really like you and you're not my type''. Is there a nicer way? I really suck in rejecting. I don't like being mean to anyone. The next time he asks you out, just tell him you'll have to decline because you don't see it going anywhere. Don't use phrases like "I think" or equivocate/minimize with "really" or "kind of." Straight forward, sorry man, won't go out with you again, this isn't going to work.
Cypress25 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Just tell him that you don't think you have much in common with him. The end. And then tell your friends to stop fixing you up. If they're really your friends, they should respect that.
EricaH329 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Do we have the same friends? My friends always want to hook me up with the guys that I have no chemistry with. When I tell them i'm not interested, they always give me a speech about how I need to 'wait' and sometimes chemistry can form 'over time'. I don't believe it. And if you are anything like me, you don't either. You know when you are interested enough in someone to continue seeing them. If after the third date or so, you still don't feel anything, it's time to cut them loose. I'm in a similar situation myself. I've decided to go the route of not talking to them often. Making my answers short. But if you feel like you need to say something to him, i'd make it along the lines of "You know, i'm very flattered, but i'm going to have to politely decline." Short but sweet. Let us know how everything goes!
Author Jennie90 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 But if you feel like you need to say something to him, i'd make it along the lines of "You know, i'm very flattered, but i'm going to have to politely decline." Short but sweet. Let us know how everything goes!Ok. This makes it the first time I'll be rejecting. I guess he's going to get somewhat upset for sure. Yes Erica my friends always doing that. Another time it was with a guy with mild acne. They usually bail me out of this if it gets serious and invent excuses. This time I'll have to do it myself.
EricaH329 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Ok. This makes it the first time I'll be rejecting. I guess he's going to get somewhat upset for sure. Yes Erica my friends always doing that. Another time it was with a guy with mild acne. They usually bail me out of this if it gets serious and invent excuses. This time I'll have to do it myself. It always sucks rejecting someone, but it'll have to happen, more than once. I suggest telling your friends that you appreciate their help, but you'd rather be single until *you* find someone worth dating. I've had to tell my friends that same thing.
mortensorchid Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I'd actually be rather happy if my friends did things like this, only because I seem to find losers with or without them. Ha ha ha ... But yes, the best thing to do is to just move on from it. I get the impression from this that he seems interested enough in you to keep asking for get togethers. Who knows? One day he may get tired of being with this lost cause and move on himself. This reminds me of an Internet date I had years ago with the world's most boring human. I asked what he liked to do for fun or what his interests were, he said that he didn't do much, he just went over to his buddy's house and they played cards and he was looking for something else to do other than that. He didn't read books, didn't follow TV shows, didn't watch movies, didn't do much of anything. We had little if anything to talk about. We got together about 3 times and then after that *poof* he vanished. I didn't feel a thing over it. The only regret was that I had returned his phone call rather than ignore it so it made me look like the desperate one. It's best if you have a chat with him ASAP and let him know that you are not interested. Tell him he's a good guy but you do not feel that the two of you are a good match. It takes guts to do it, but in the long run it will be better. 1
stillafool Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Tell your friends to stop telling this guy anything about you. It is mean to lead this guy on when you have no interest. It is kinder to let him know don't see your relationship expanding. That will free him up to find someone who wants to be with him.
Pierre Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 My friends set me up with a guy I don't have any chemistry at all: they're always doing this even when I've trying telling them not to. In addition, he does seems to lack some sense of humor and most of his conversations are about science, research, politics and other serious stuff (I also know those topics but too much talking about that is boring) . One time he brought a science fiction novel during the whole date. Talk about the worst date possible. Is there a way I can say no without sounding mean (I suck at it)?. It's been 3 weeks since we're hanging out and all mainly because of my friends telling him the times I'm available. Or should I keep dating him hoping I'll eventually click with him. I wish I could say no but at the same time don't want to hurt him. He seems excited to see me. If you feel you need a less intelligent date------so be it------dump him. 1
udolipixie Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Unless you're sugarcoating, placating, subservient, and doing anyhting/everything to service his ego and pride making it seem as if you're undeserving of the greatness that is him you're likely going to hurt him to some amount. How about telling him one of the following: "I think we should stop dating as I'm not clicking with you" "I'm not attracted to you romantically or sexually" "We're not compatible" "You bore me" "I'm no longer interested in dating you" "I was never interested in dating you" Probably best suited not to use the you're a nice, decent, or good guy in your rejection as he may be or later become one of those guys who think his niceness is why he got rejected rather than said gal not being attracted to him or finding him boring. I so of
unevenXchange Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Definitely don't drag it along. He might GROW on you! 1
phineas Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 How? I can't just say ''I don't really like you and you're not my type''. Is there a nicer way? I really suck in rejecting. I don't like being mean to anyone. Or, you could marry him, have a family That would be so much easier than having to reject him. 1
Author Jennie90 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 If you feel you need a less intelligent date------so be it------dump him.Actually it's cool when a man has brains but anything in excess isn't too good either. I would get bored too if a man was into partying every single day. I don't like players either but neither do I want the extreme. Plus I wasn't even physically attracted to him from the start.
Author Jennie90 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 "We're not compatible"I'll stick with that line. It seems better than the others and yes you're right calling someone nice seems offensive. Anyone can be nice but if you're not attracted to then you're not.
Author Jennie90 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 Or, you could marry him, have a family That would be so much easier than having to reject him. I'm only 21. I just want to focus on finishing college and then I'll start looking for a suitable date.
RedRobin Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Send him my way. How old is he? I love talking about that stuff.
d'Arthez Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 In addition, he does seems to lack some sense of humor and most of his conversations are about science, research, politics and other serious stuff (I also know those topics but too much talking about that is boring) . One time he brought a science fiction novel during the whole date. Talk about the worst date possible. If you feel you need a less intelligent date------so be it------dump him. There is a difference in being intelligent and having limited social skills. A sense of humor is just that. A matching sense of humor is probably also indicative of similarity in belief systems.
RedRobin Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 (edited) ... I was going to add. If the OP couldn't engage him in something that interested her... and instead sat there like a bump on a log, one could hardly blame him for continuing. He's not a mind reader. To the OP, you could try the "It's not you, it's me." routine. Because there is some of 'you' in there too. How about "I wish I had some interesting hobbies and interests I could share with you too, but since I don't, I'm afraid I just can't keep up. I know there are some smarter more interesting ladies out there for you." I'm sure he wasn't hating the makeout sessions, but you might want to apologize for letting him think you were physically attracted to him too. Edited: Seeing your age, I'm sure he's way too young for me. There are a couple of young female posters here who love the intellectual banter and sci-fi/geek types. Edited May 13, 2012 by RedRobin 1
dollface07 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 i like nerds so it's hard for me to relate to you but i think he may get really hurt the longer you inadvertently trail him along until you get the courage to pull the plug. I would encourage you to talk to him honestly about your concerns without judging his interests or his personality. Then let him see if he would make adjustments to how he interacts with you. but if you find him so ugly that you cant kiss him even well dont be that honest with him and just respectfully decline seeing him when he calls you good luck 1
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