hpenn3 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 So here's the backstory Him and I went out for 6 months or thereabouts. We are both transgender (wrong gender) he is female to male and I am male to female, we had a strong connection but he is polyamorous and I am monogamous. at first our love was so strong he managed to hold back and we stayed together but then he cheated on me and didn't say anything for a long long time. (Lots of things happened inbetween both our mothers hated the other child etc.) we finally broke up and thats when he told me what he had done and it took me forever to process it. I have spent months every day telling myself that I could go back and that I could pretend to be poly, every day I have to stop myself. we started talking again recently and we both think that maybe we took a wrong turn somewhere and were meant to be really close friends but we were lonely so we were together instead, while I sort of agree I fear that hanging with him again could be a disaster. I loved him so much, but I can't handle a poly relationship it is ruining me every day I have no idea what to do. On top of that my current boyfriend who sort of pushed me into a relationship when right now honestly I need to be single and get my head straight, I haven't told him we started talking again because I know if I do he will be all passive and pretend like everything is ok, when right now even if I haven't told him it obviously isn't, and I don't want it to turn out like a stupid TV drama where he finds out and is terribly hurt. etc. my whole life is a bunch of complicated **** that never goes right I love someone so much right now but don't know what to do. I asked him if he was monogamous who he would be with right now and he said not me because our relationship ****ed eachother up because of how depressed we made eachother. which I don't know how to take because he still says he loves me like no other person could. **** this is complicated.
january2011 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I suspect you're making it complicated. You have fundamentally incompatible views about fidelity. It's never going to work out. In addition, how can someone "push" you into a relationship? You can say, "no." You do have a say in the matter. I think that you need to step away from both people. Spend some time on your own to sort out your emotions so that you have a clearer perspective on your decisions about who you allow into your life.
Author hpenn3 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 Hay, thanks for the reply. The issue I'm having is I live with this guy and it's hard to just stop a relationship after 3 months without moving out, I could he's said to me before if we ever broke up I could keep living there but with all my mood swings I'm just going to make it all complicated, I guess yeah he's not pushing me into the relationship but I kind of feel like I'm stuck in a corner. I can't exactly move out because I can't afford it (he pays for mostly everything) and there's no spot at either of my parents house. As for my ex, I found talking to him sort of helped me cope with the fact that we couldn't be together, he seems to be doing okay himself and there isn't that emotional tension when he was constantly depressed and crying, we managed a normal conversation, so while I really want to just ignore him like I did the past 5 months I also want to get emotionally better and unsure which advise to take.
january2011 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Have you considered speaking to a therapist? If you're making a lot of rash decisions due to your mood swings and finding it difficult to cope, there might be some deeper issues here. Assuming that you can both be adults about this, it might be worth talking to your flatmate and suggesting that you cool off. You need time to sort your life out and the relationship is complicating matters.
Author hpenn3 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 I did have a therapist but haven't seen him in at least half a year because after my mum kicked me out I can't afford the $75 a session (after medicare rebate) It's kind of a 1 bedroom apartment, can't really get some space in here. He's doing it again though, we just came home from a car ride, we were talking about the holiday I am taking at the end of the year to see my best friend, he wants to go to paris or some other places afterwards I want to go back home and his usual reactions have kicked in he's in the other room not talking to me. We can't even have a #$%^ing conversation about anything important.
january2011 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Have you tried reaching out your mum again? Or other friends? I think you need to start making plans to get out of your current living situation and then start seeing a therapist again.
Author hpenn3 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 Thanks for your time and help, it's been great, maybe your right I'll just have to think about it and see what I can sort out.
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