irc333 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I had been talking to this woman I met online. We'd been chatting back and forth for a while, she lives within minutes of my home (which is why you could say I haven't given up just yet, lol) She's been firing off questions, getting to know ME, still. During which, I must've asked for her # to get together for drinks....which she's been completely ignoring answering THAT part of my email, but answering other questions I had , except THAT one. I finally sent an email saying, "Did you not get my question about asking you out?" And she says, "I did, but I chose to ignore it, right now...it's just a 'maybe'." During which I started to start be be less receptive to emailing her, only because I just...well...ran out of things to say. Through the course of our conversation, she finds out I do computer work . She sends me a 2nd email (initiated one of her own) and said she bought a wireless router, but hasn't figured out how it yet. And I asked her, "What OS are you running, and what brand router?" And she tells me, then I think to myself..."Hold on, wait a min....I can nail her now with another excuse to get the digits from her" I typically can't stand helping troubleshooting in email correspondence, and figured I'd be best if I just get her phone # and we converse about her computer issue that way ...or just set up a meeting in person. I usually don't like working on anything, unless I'm right there at the system. That being said, shall I attempt to get her # in order to set up a "date/consultation session"? lol I think I got her where I want her 1. I can dangle my computer knowledge in front of her like a carrot 2. She doesn't give me her #, and I would prefer to be just rid of her arse. Basically, and bluntly, "Give me your phone #, and I'll help you or find someone local to do it, and charge you an arm and a leg.....OR.....we don't talk again." (But without actually SAYING it) Knowledge is POWER! Any guys ever have leverage or "Hand" in these situations? Great bartering tool.
Fondue Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 ****! I had to type this out twice-- god damn incidental mouse clicking! Anyway, You're no different than a prostitute. Allow me to explain. She's only after your services-- as in, to help her with her hardware issues. To her, you're no more than someone that'll "satisfy her needs," so to speak. You might get her number, and you might even go out for coffee, but it doesn't change anything. Hell, you'll even end up paying for that coffee! She's already put you in the "maybe" zone (read: not interested). You're not going to miraculously change that. And besides, to dangle that "carrot" and demand the number again, you're only looking like more of a tool. I don't think there is any woman out there that is interested in you, but will refuse to give out her contact info-- let alone keep you in the "maybe" zone. A woman who is clearly into you wouldn't behave like she does. Let her find her own help, and move onto the next available "customer." 3
matte123 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Using knowledge as a bartering tool to get a date may get you a number but it doesn't mean you would get a woman who's actually interested in you. Using knowledge as a way to pick up girls is a good method in my opinion. I'm impressed with guys who start talking to me about certain things like science, etc as a way to approach me. It leave a good impression even if I don't reciprocate the guy's interest. I am surprised at this type of approach because I have been told by several friends that I have a confused or lost in my own thoughts look.
Emilia Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 ****! I had to type this out twice-- god damn incidental mouse clicking! Anyway, You're no different than a prostitute. Allow me to explain. She's only after your services-- as in, to help her with her hardware issues. To her, you're no more than someone that'll "satisfy her needs," so to speak. You might get her number, and you might even go out for coffee, but it doesn't change anything. Hell, you'll even end up paying for that coffee! She's already put you in the "maybe" zone (read: not interested). You're not going to miraculously change that. And besides, to dangle that "carrot" and demand the number again, you're only looking like more of a tool. I don't think there is any woman out there that is interested in you, but will refuse to give out her contact info-- let alone keep you in the "maybe" zone. A woman who is clearly into you wouldn't behave like she does. Let her find her own help, and move onto the next available "customer." Unnecessarily harsh and possibly incorrect. Try to get her number OP. The two of you have never spoken, only chatted online. It's possible that she will like your voice and will be receptive to a date. People come across online differently, maybe she will like the 'real' you! You are a pretty level headed guy, if the two of you don't get on or if she doesn't give you her number, I'm sure you'll find someone else to chat to soon enough.
TheFinalWord Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I had been talking to this woman I met online. We'd been chatting back and forth for a while, she lives within minutes of my home (which is why you could say I haven't given up just yet, lol) She's been firing off questions, getting to know ME, still. During which, I must've asked for her # to get together for drinks....which she's been completely ignoring answering THAT part of my email, but answering other questions I had , except THAT one. I finally sent an email saying, "Did you not get my question about asking you out?" And she says, "I did, but I chose to ignore it, right now...it's just a 'maybe'." During which I started to start be be less receptive to emailing her, only because I just...well...ran out of things to say. Through the course of our conversation, she finds out I do computer work . She sends me a 2nd email (initiated one of her own) and said she bought a wireless router, but hasn't figured out how it yet. And I asked her, "What OS are you running, and what brand router?" And she tells me, then I think to myself..."Hold on, wait a min....I can nail her now with another excuse to get the digits from her" I typically can't stand helping troubleshooting in email correspondence, and figured I'd be best if I just get her phone # and we converse about her computer issue that way ...or just set up a meeting in person. I usually don't like working on anything, unless I'm right there at the system. That being said, shall I attempt to get her # in order to set up a "date/consultation session"? lol I think I got her where I want her 1. I can dangle my computer knowledge in front of her like a carrot 2. She doesn't give me her #, and I would prefer to be just rid of her arse. Basically, and bluntly, "Give me your phone #, and I'll help you or find someone local to do it, and charge you an arm and a leg.....OR.....we don't talk again." (But without actually SAYING it) Knowledge is POWER! Any guys ever have leverage or "Hand" in these situations? Great bartering tool. It won't work...all you'll do is get used bro. I've had this happen before. This girl figured out I have pretty extensive knowledge in an area. She was cute and flirted with me and being a novice at the time I figured use my skills to impress her. She played that card and I was doing all kinds of things to help her in school. When I'd ask her out, "Oh I'm too busy"...blah blah. Well come to find out I was helping her with her work so she could have spare time to party it up on the weekends. You know, when she was too busy to go out with me Classic nice guy syndrome is to be the knight in shining armor...let me help the damsel in distress. Oh, and a lot of women know how to play that role well and use it to their advantage. Guess what? You'll be hooking up her computer so she can chat it up with other guys! A woman that only likes you based on what you can do for her is not worth pursing. Only give her access to your skills, knowledge, abilities, once you are committed. Just my 2 cents having gone that route before!
El Brujo Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Be careful with knowledge. It can actually cost you potential dates if you run into any card-carrying members of the Proud To Be Stupid movement.
d'Arthez Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Be careful with knowledge. It can actually cost you potential dates if you run into any card-carrying members of the Proud To Be Stupid movement. That would be a win-win situation. Unless you are interested in members of the "Proud To Be Stupid" movement.
Author irc333 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Well, perhaps I should get a jump on her (literally) first as an exchange for me doing favors for her? What's the big deal, fix her computer problems, get sex....right? lol It won't work...all you'll do is get used bro. I've had this happen before. This girl figured out I have pretty extensive knowledge in an area. She was cute and flirted with me and being a novice at the time I figured use my skills to impress her. She played that card and I was doing all kinds of things to help her in school. When I'd ask her out, "Oh I'm too busy"...blah blah. Well come to find out I was helping her with her work so she could have spare time to party it up on the weekends. You know, when she was too busy to go out with me Classic nice guy syndrome is to be the knight in shining armor...let me help the damsel in distress. Oh, and a lot of women know how to play that role well and use it to their advantage. Guess what? You'll be hooking up her computer so she can chat it up with other guys! A woman that only likes you based on what you can do for her is not worth pursing. Only give her access to your skills, knowledge, abilities, once you are committed. Just my 2 cents having gone that route before!
Author irc333 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 (edited) If you want to get arrested' date=' go ahead.[/quote'] LOL? On what charge? Anyhow was just being facetious, but if you think about it.....that's what a girlfriend/wife is....well, if you you're delving into the superficial realm. I.E. - "The Real Housewives of "Name the city" Bunch of wives, living off a multi-millionaire husband, their only goal to be arm candy, escort and of course sexual gratification in returns of giving her a mansion to live and an account to spend money at off Rodeo Drive. Edited May 12, 2012 by irc333
EternalInk Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 If it's major work that needs to be done, tell her you'll fix her computer for her but for a fee and see what her reaction is. If she agrees, get her number and take it from there. That's one way of putting your foot in the door without looking desperate.
Author irc333 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 If it's major work that needs to be done, tell her you'll fix her computer for her but for a fee and see what her reaction is. If she agrees, get her number and take it from there. That's one way of putting your foot in the door without looking desperate. Well, how about a MORE favorable exchange, she makes me dinner after I work on her computer. Favor for a favor.
RedRobin Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 She's probably had one too many run ins with guys who say they are this or that online or in their profiles and were just BS'ing. So she is proof-testing you. If you say you know about computers and can't answer a basic question about them... then duh... you don't know about computers and you are then one of the BS'ers. She may not want to get on the 1-3 date treadmill to sex that so many men are on in the OLD world. If you'd prefer not to answer business/profession related questions, then that's fine. You are welcome to ignore those just like she is ignoring your requests for a phone number. Go back to getting-to-know-you questions. An email or two doesn't take THAT much time, does it? Then, if it goes on and you are tired of chatting, say, "I'd really like to see you in person when that makes sense for you. I'm having a hard time seeing how the continued emails are going to help us get to know each other. Here is my number. Hope to talk to you soon." Or something along those lines... Then let it go. 1
xxoo Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 LOL? On what charge? Anyhow was just being facetious, but if you think about it.....that's what a girlfriend/wife is.... Join the 21st century. Women have their own money. Don't be surprised if she turns down your offer, and chooses to pay for services elsewhere. Or she dangles sex in front of you like a carrot until you fix her computer, and then announces that she wants to be "just friends". 2
RedRobin Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Well, how about a MORE favorable exchange, she makes me dinner after I work on her computer. Favor for a favor. Asking for dinner is too forward. That is what the 1-3 date douchebags do. If you don't care and are just looking to get laid, then sure. Try that. Nothing wrong with parlaying your computer skills into food and nookie. Or trying at least.
Author irc333 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Thanks Red, To be honest, I am a bit irritated that here I asked her out or for her phone number, and we've actually had QUITE few exchangeds, probably up to 10 emails so far....but ignored my requests about getting together. But yet, now she's asking about how to set up a router. I find that rather insulting, I'm going to probably say something like "Here's a link to How to fix a router" or say "Google is your friend" But, I AM actually to the point where I'm over saturated in back and forth emails, where I want to take it to the next step. I might just send her to a "How To...." or a link to a Youtube video. lol Then end the email with another phone # request. She's probably had one too many run ins with guys who say they are this or that online or in their profiles and were just BS'ing. So she is proof-testing you. If you say you know about computers and can't answer a basic question about them... then duh... you don't know about computers and you are then one of the BS'ers. She may not want to get on the 1-3 date treadmill to sex that so many men are on in the OLD world. If you'd prefer not to answer business/profession related questions, then that's fine. You are welcome to ignore those just like she is ignoring your requests for a phone number. Go back to getting-to-know-you questions. An email or two doesn't take THAT much time, does it? Then, if it goes on and you are tired of chatting, say, "I'd really like to see you in person when that makes sense for you. I'm having a hard time seeing how the continued emails are going to help us get to know each other. Here is my number. Hope to talk to you soon." Or something along those lines... Then let it go.
RedRobin Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Thanks Red, To be honest, I am a bit irritated that here I asked her out or for her phone number, and we've actually had QUITE few exchangeds, probably up to 10 emails so far....but ignored my requests about getting together. But yet, now she's asking about how to set up a router. I find that rather insulting, I'm going to probably say something like "Here's a link to How to fix a router" or say "Google is your friend" But, I AM actually to the point where I'm over saturated in back and forth emails, where I want to take it to the next step. I might just send her to a "How To...." or a link to a Youtube video. lol Then end the email with another phone # request. I've turned down requests for phone numbers myself. I prize my anonymity for reasons I've posted about here. What is wrong with giving her your number then moving on? I hear you about the back-and-forth getting annoying. You might also ask her what other concerns she has about providing her number and seek to address those concerns specifically. It might be worth a try. Oh, and the suggestions about doing the research on her own might be good. I still think answering the one question you did probably was plenty to verify your background. If she keeps asking, then laugh it off and say "ha ha, you must be confusing me with Geek Patrol!"... make a joke out of it.
matte123 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Thanks Red, To be honest, I am a bit irritated that here I asked her out or for her phone number, and we've actually had QUITE few exchangeds, probably up to 10 emails so far....but ignored my requests about getting together. But yet, now she's asking about how to set up a router. I find that rather insulting, I'm going to probably say something like "Here's a link to How to fix a router" or say "Google is your friend" But, I AM actually to the point where I'm over saturated in back and forth emails, where I want to take it to the next step. I might just send her to a "How To...." or a link to a Youtube video. lol Then end the email with another phone # request. She seems to be the one dangling the carrot in front of you. She's using you to help her. If she continually ignores your requests to get together, chances are she's not interested. I would move on if I were you.
FitChick Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I think she is on the fence about you. If you offered to come over and fix her computer, you'd at least get to meet each other. She would see you being "heroic" by solving her tech dilemma. After you've fixed the computer, just ask, "Now how about we go out for a quick lunch/coffee/ice cream?" You have nothing to lose except a little time.
RedRobin Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I think she is on the fence about you. If you offered to come over and fix her computer, you'd at least get to meet each other. She would see you being "heroic" by solving her tech dilemma. After you've fixed the computer, just ask, "Now how about we go out for a quick lunch/coffee/ice cream?" You have nothing to lose except a little time. OP, I like the above suggestion... has the right tone and might settle her concerns. Plus the offer for something casual afterwards is low pressure.
Els Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 *shrugs* Lots of people are users. Trust me, this dynamic doesn't just happen one way. Back in college I once fixed up a router for a guy as a favour to a mutual friend of ours. Two days later the guy whose router I fixed passes me in the hallway and doesn't even acknowledge or recognize me. No skin off MY back, I wasn't interested in him, but it reveals a lot about his personality and how he takes such things for granted. I genuinely remember and appreciate every favour I receive, but some people don't. That's the way things work. So if you're going to help this girl out, go into it not expecting anything in return, but genuinely for the joy of helping someone or the satisfaction of solving a problem with your expertise. If something becomes of it, great, otherwise, no big deal. Draw your boundaries with that in mind. 1
d'Arthez Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 So if you're going to help this girl out, go into it not expecting anything in return, but genuinely for the joy of helping someone or the satisfaction of solving a problem with your expertise. If something becomes of it, great, otherwise, no big deal. Draw your boundaries with that in mind. Yup, but it seems he has already made up his mind up with what kind of reward to expect. The curse of expectations strikes again ...
Fondue Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Yup' date=' but it seems he has already made up his mind up with what kind of reward to expect. The curse of expectations strikes again ...[/quote'] She can get the same kind of help from a million other guys. This girl is clearly out to use him as she did not indicate any interest. It's not about expecting something in return, it's about dignity and self-respect.
FitChick Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 This girl is clearly out to use him as she did not indicate any interest. If she wasn't interested, she wouldn't have kept their email conversation going past one or two emails even to be polite. I think the OP might be able to tip the balance in his favor. 1
unevenXchange Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 ****! I had to type this out twice-- god damn incidental mouse clicking! Anyway, You're no different than a prostitute. Allow me to explain. She's only after your services-- as in, to help her with her hardware issues. To her, you're no more than someone that'll "satisfy her needs," so to speak. You might get her number, and you might even go out for coffee, but it doesn't change anything. Hell, you'll even end up paying for that coffee! She's already put you in the "maybe" zone (read: not interested). You're not going to miraculously change that. And besides, to dangle that "carrot" and demand the number again, you're only looking like more of a tool. I don't think there is any woman out there that is interested in you, but will refuse to give out her contact info-- let alone keep you in the "maybe" zone. A woman who is clearly into you wouldn't behave like she does. Let her find her own help, and move onto the next available "customer." I so agree ... too much game playing OP.
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