jade4071 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I have a friend I’ve known for 30+ years. When we were much younger we were close and over time with all that life brings (marriage, kids, etc) we grew apart. Additionally, over the course of our friendship I realized how self-centered and selfish she’s always been. As one example, she doesn’t listen to others when they talk and always finds a way to turn the subject back to herself – it’s really annoying. We live about 5 hours away from one another and mostly keep in touch via email and Facebook. I’ve been fine with communication being like this. A long time ago I used to make an effort to see her in person but the amount of reciprocation was dismal, so I scaled my efforts way back. Recently my friend graduated from college, masters degree. I sent her a card and a gift, etc. She graduated from a well-known, large state university where graduation invitees are limited due to the high number of graduates. In other words, in no way did I expect to receive an invitation and absolutely did not. We never even discussed it. It’s probably important to note I haven’t seen in her in some time…….years even. I also posted a graduation congrats message on her FB wall and she came back with a snarky, “BTW, thanks soooo much for coming to my graduation.” We’re in our 40’s and drama, especially of the Facebook variety, is NOT my thing. A few minutes later she posted a status about figuring out who her real friends are, etc. Maybe it was about me, maybe not but certainly ironic. I also did not expect an immediate thank you of any kind on the gift but she hasn’t said one word about it yet……it’s been a few weeks since I sent it and she did receive it. I can live with that but I’d think twice or more before doing something like that again if she ends up never acknowledging it. Should I respond to her snarky FB comment or just leave it alone? It’s embarrassing to even talk about FB drama at my age. Again, I never received an invite, nor did she even talk to me about one, so I’m not sure where her expectaion is coming from. We are not so close anymore that my presence would just be expected in such situations.
writergal Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Should I respond to her snarky FB comment or just leave it alone? It’s embarrassing to even talk about FB drama at my age. Again, I never received an invite, nor did she even talk to me about one, so I’m not sure where her expectaion is coming from. We are not so close anymore that my presence would just be expected in such situations. I'd just leave it alone. If she never invited you to begin with, and you haven't seen each other in years, I think she was just being snarky. Hard to know what her expectations were if the number of graduation attendees was already limited due to lack of space, and she never invited you to her graduation party in the first place. And why have you kept in contact with her all this time if she's always been self-centered and selfish and doesn't make an effort to see you in person anymore? She doesn't sound like she's someone you need to stay in contact with, despite your 30+ years of knowing each other.
Author jade4071 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 I'd just leave it alone. If she never invited you to begin with, and you haven't seen each other in years, I think she was just being snarky. Hard to know what her expectations were if the number of graduation attendees was already limited due to lack of space, and she never invited you to her graduation party in the first place. And why have you kept in contact with her all this time if she's always been self-centered and selfish and doesn't make an effort to see you in person anymore? She doesn't sound like she's someone you need to stay in contact with, despite your 30+ years of knowing each other. You make some good points. I think I've tolerated her behavior to a point because we've known each other for so long. When we were kids it only bugged me a little bit and as we got older it bugged me a lot more. I distanced myself from her but she's always managed to initiate contact via email and later on, Facebook, etc. I'm completely fine with only ever hearing from her via email and even if that went away, I wouldn't lose sleep over it. That graduation thing is just weird....don't get why she pulled that especially when there was no invite, we never discussed me going there, not even once. If we had, I probably would have declined anyway. It's a long drive there and back and I would have had to take a day off to go.....she's in no way that good of a friend where I would consider the money and time it would take. Maybe I should just "dump" her as a friend but always hoped she would just go away on her own.
CC12 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Yeah, the graduation thing was really weird. And stupid. If you wanted to remain her friend, you could address her reply. "Hi, maybe I read it wrong, but when I congratulated you on your graduation, you seemed angry or annoyed in your response to me. Is everything okay?" Maybe she did send you an invite and it got lost in the mail? Still, though, her bratty response was not warranted. But, really, you seem very indifferent toward her friendship. I've had similar forced friendships like the one you have, and if they acted like an as*hole like your friend did, I'd just be done with them.
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