random32 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I am posting on here because i don't know what else to do or who to go to. I am a mature student at university and I have fallen for one of my tutors. It is not as silly as it sounds, we are close in age and not young. The first time I saw him, I was instantly in love. I have never felt like that about any man before in my life. I was with another man at the time, and I felt very guilty for even feeling these things. So I let it slide over and pushed these feelings away. When the term began, and i saw him regularly, i was in denial about the way i was feeling for him. Lately, things have started to happen, I think I may be being very naive, but other people in my classes have noticed a connection between us. When he is talking, he always looks back to me after scanning the room. He chooses to talk to me at the beginning of every class over everyone else, and he always says my name in conversation. He noticed I wasn't in his class and even asked a friend where I was. He mentioned me on social n/w site when there was no need to, to another student. He emails me back all the time (he doesnt always reply to others). We are very very flirty when talking and it is almost funny because it is so apparent. There is something between us, I know it because I can feel it. We get on so much and can talk for hours at a time. I recently found out he has a girlfriend and they are serious, and I have recently broken up with my partner (not because of this). The thing is, I can not stop thinking about him, but I know that this is no way to be, because even if he did feel the same, it would be wrong to act upon it firstly because he is involved with someone else and also he is my tutor. So there is nothing I can do about it and I feel absolutely hopeless and the worst part is I cant even send him an informal message and see how he responds (like,- do you want to go for a drink, if he says NO - then okay ill back off!), as that would be very inappropriate and could be very embarrassing. I don't think he has any idea of how I feel because I purposefully act very aloof so as not to make a fool of myself. What should I do? Help!
TaraMaiden Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Absolutely nothing. don't behave in any way that would encourage flirting, and don't invite or make any comment - outside class work - that would be interpreted as inappropriate, flirtatious or near-the-knuckle. you are free to date. He most definitely isn't, and you should respect that. Let me tell you, every wife of every senior school tutor, lecturer or mature-student teacher, wonders what her husband or partner would do, faced with all that wonderful temptation, he sees and teaches every day. my H was a mature student at law university and it was an established and known fact that at least 3/4 of the male lecturers were or had been messing with female students. Please don't do this to her, and don't demean yourself or give yourself a reputation. Walk away from this one, concentrate on your studied and don't be foolish.
alexandria35 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 You weren't instantly in love with him the moment you saw him, you were instantly infatuated. You don't know enough about him to love him. I don't doubt that he's flirting with you and making googly eyes at you. He probably sees it as harmless fun. Maybe it makes going to work a little more interesting and you are probably one of many that he has focused a little extra attention on over the years as it makes him feel good. When you are not in his class anymore he will choose another one for ego strokes. And how would you feel if your fantasy came true and he did break up with his gf to be with you? Would you trust him or would you be worried about who might be catching his eye in his next class?
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