exoduse22 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 When I am dining table with people I have never met before or when I am on a date, I just don't know where to look as I can't stare at the person in front of me all the time right?
january2011 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 No, you can look at your plate, glass, the server, at the part of the room that's within your line of sight. But otherwise, most of your attention should be on the person/people you're with. If not, it could look like you don't want to be there. And that can come off as very rude.
Author exoduse22 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 If not, it could look like you don't want to be there. And that can come off as very rude. This is my problem.. I do not want to act rude, but sometimes because I do not know where to look it becomes rude . Any tips?
carhill Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 What I do is smile, listen, grab my drink and act like I belong there and am part of the group. This is when dinner engagements find me amongst a group of relative strangers. On a date, it's easy. Presuming you're on a date and are attracted to the person, spend most of the time gazing (not staring) into their eyes with a minority of time spent focusing on food or drink. I've found some of the best dates left me hardly touching my food or, better, feeding it to the lady.
january2011 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 If you're finding it difficult to look directly into someone's eyes, focus on the point just between their eyebrows. It will give them the impression that you are looking at them when they're talking but hopefully, it's less confrontational for you than to look directly into their eyes. When you're talking, it's okay to look away now and again. But it is also important to look back now and again. It might also be worth digging deeper to work out why you feel so uncomfortable looking at the other person.
Author exoduse22 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 What I do is smile, listen, grab my drink and act like I belong there and am part of the group. This is when dinner engagements find me amongst a group of relative strangers. On a date, it's easy. Presuming you're on a date and are attracted to the person, spend most of the time gazing (not staring) into their eyes with a minority of time spent focusing on food or drink. I've found some of the best dates left me hardly touching my food or, better, feeding it to the lady. I often times get bored easily so my facial expression sorta gives me away, but I am trying harder than ever to always look interested. Thanks for the tips!
Author exoduse22 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 It might also be worth digging deeper to work out why you feel so uncomfortable looking at the other person. I think I am considered very insecure although I try my best not to show it. To be honest, no matter how close I get with a person, even my family, I still tend to get insecure time to time, depending on the circumstances.
january2011 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 These are all small steps to help you cope. However, I think that you need to work on your insecurity - that will be the big leap that will make a difference in all the other parts of your life. If you're willing to try self-help, this site offers some step-by-step advice: Succeed Socially.com | A Free Guide On How To Improve Social Skills For Adults If there are some deeper issues from your background that you haven't mentioned here, then I think it might be worth seeking help from a therapist.
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