kaylan Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 You obviously missed the point of her post. Her point was that those glossing over the negative behavior of the creepy 36 yr old man with the 14 yr old girl, only gloss over that and dismiss its affects on developing adolescents because they possibly share the creepers mentality. Like Radu said, its possible that people suspend objectivity because they identify with the older dude. 3
dasein Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 (edited) You obviously missed the point of her post. Her point was that those glossing over the negative behavior of the creepy 36 yr old man with the 14 yr old girl, only gloss over that and dismiss its affects on developing adolescents because they possibly share the creepers mentality. Like Radu said, its possible that people suspend objectivity because they identify with the older dude. No one has glossed over anything in the thread other than OP's actual post(s). OP asks whether she is an older dude magnet, and why guys her own age don't approach her. This has nothing to do with predation, abuse, or most of the reactive posts in this thread. Without looking back and rereading the thread, I'm one of if not the only poster here who actually tried to ANSWER her OP and suggest an idea where she could meet men her own age instead of preach stranger danger BS at her. If she feels damaged or abused in some way, she is certainly capable of expressing it. She didn't, hasn't, her posts don't reflect it, and that makes lots of agenda in this thread transparent. Edited May 13, 2012 by dasein
gaius Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 You obviously missed the point of her post. Her point was that those glossing over the negative behavior of the creepy 36 yr old man with the 14 yr old girl, only gloss over that and dismiss its affects on developing adolescents because they possibly share the creepers mentality. Like Radu said, its possible that people suspend objectivity because they identify with the older dude. Don't discourage people from being honest about their experiences.
Els Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Okay, I don't buy the culture part one bit. I was born and bred in Asia and know several Filipinos. Nobody's father would have ever let them be with a 36 year old man when they are 14, you could insist on the no-sex bit til your face turn blue, it still ain't happening. Except in very poor, rural areas where they had no choice, the child had to be wed to a rich man as soon as possible (and even then picked by the father), so that the family would not starve. But the 14-y-o girl herself, from an affluent and relatively modern family, going off and picking a 36 year old man to be with? Being grounded would be the mildest possible reaction she'd get for that. I'm thinking troll too, honestly. 2
matte123 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Okay, I don't buy the culture part one bit. I was born and bred in Asia and know several Filipinos. Nobody's father would have ever let them be with a 36 year old man when they are 14, you could insist on the no-sex bit til your face turn blue, it still ain't happening. Except in very poor, rural areas where they had no choice, the child had to be wed to a rich man as soon as possible (and even then picked by the father), so that the family would not starve. But the 14-y-o girl herself, from an affluent and relatively modern family, going off and picking a 36 year old man to be with? Being grounded would be the mildest possible reaction she'd get for that. I'm thinking troll too, honestly. I think there was a poster who stated that they understand her father's reaction now or something like that. I take it that her father wasn't pleased either based on that poster's comment.
kaylan Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 (edited) Don't discourage people from being honest about their experiences. Im not. Let them be honest, but people should know to expect honest responses . No one has glossed over anything in the thread other than OP's actual post(s). OP asks whether she is an older dude magnet, and why guys her own age don't approach her. This has nothing to do with predation, abuse, or most of the reactive posts in this thread. Without looking back and rereading the thread, I'm one of if not the only poster here who actually tried to ANSWER her OP and suggest an idea where she could meet men her own age instead of preach stranger danger BS at her. If she feels damaged or abused in some way, she is certainly capable of expressing it. She didn't, hasn't, her posts don't reflect it, and that makes lots of agenda in this thread transparent. It seems youve missed the ball in this thread. People have been answering the OPs question. Her first relationship is why she has this older white guy preference. The first guy she was with basically molded her to be that way in her formative growing years. She was 14 when he took interest in her and 18 when they moved things more seriously...not to mention hes known her since she was a small child. All of that has a big influence over who she becomes as a woman, especially the experiences of her teenage years. I dont see how you missed thats what everyone was getting at. Plus people here are starting to feel the OP could be a troll, so that explains the responses as well. Edited May 13, 2012 by kaylan 3
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 You guys just have to understand that when we were still living in the Philippines, I really didn't listen to my parents. I just thought I fell in love and so I went for it. Like I said, I WAS YOUNG AND DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. I didn't feel abused or anything, I was loved, I felt it. So please, stop preassuming that I was a victim of abusiveness. It was my choice when I gave myself up to him when I turned 18. I thought it was romantic that after 4 years of waiting, we could enjoy it then. I was happy when we were together. I got what I want from that relationship and I learned from it. I know I lost my everything when I chose to be with him. My Dad stopped supporting me, I lost my parent's affection. I had to pay for my own tuition fee. They disowned me, they threw me out of our home. Well' I've already stated the whole story in my previous posts. Anyway, if you guys really can't believe it happened, I don't know, I can't blame anyone, we lived in a very different world. 1
Els Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 You guys just have to understand that when we were still living in the Philippines, I really didn't listen to my parents. I just thought I fell in love and so I went for it. Like I said, I WAS YOUNG AND DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. I didn't feel abused or anything, I was loved, I felt it. So please, stop preassuming that I was a victim of abusiveness. It was my choice when I gave myself up to him when I turned 18. I thought it was romantic that after 4 years of waiting, we could enjoy it then. I was happy when we were together. I got what I want from that relationship and I learned from it. I know I lost my everything when I chose to be with him. My Dad stopped supporting me, I lost my parent's affection. I had to pay for my own tuition fee. They disowned me, they threw me out of our home. Well' I've already stated the whole story in my previous posts. Anyway, if you guys really can't believe it happened, I don't know, I can't blame anyone, we lived in a very different world. But... you are working in your family-owned business at this time 'and have been taking over your mom's job in it since you were 18', to quote yourself, and getting a $220k/year share out of it? I'm sorry if you sound harsh, but your posts sound a little out of this world. I don't think it's the culture difference either, as I'm from a country not too far away from yours. 1
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 But... you are working in your family-owned business at this time 'and have been taking over your mom's job in it since you were 18', to quote yourself, and getting a $220k/year share out of it? I'm sorry if you sound harsh, but your posts sound a little out of this world. I don't think it's the culture difference either, as I'm from a country not too far away from yours. Cause they accepted me eventually... I started Car Sales when I was 18, started this family business thing when I was 20 something. I think Radu and some other posters know a bit about the story. It was my 2nd or 3rd day here when I posted about that. Just lazy to look for it.
Els Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Ah, well. You must forgive my disbelief (of which I have not completely suspended, to be honest), but I also don't think anyone here is judging YOU, per se. Even if what you say is true. I do however think very poorly of a 36-y-o man who chose to be with a 14-y-o girl despite knowing her parents would kick her out (yes, you made your choice, but he is nearly twice your age and should have been the one to know better). And I feel sorry for your parents, that they had to go through that. If I ever had a child who did that, I would be worried ill for the entire duration.
gaius Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 (edited) Im not. Let them be honest, but people should know to expect honest responses . I don't get the troll vibe, at least from this thread. The story seems realistic to me. Even if she is a troll, it's not like she's gonna stop posting since you said something. All you're doing is making the next person think twice if they get an urge to talk about a similar experience. The dynamics really do vary in underage/adult relationships. Some are abusive and predatory while others are not, so you're making a big assumption. George Takei has a famous story about getting oral from a camp counselor when he was really young, he wasn't upset by it. It was consensual and he saw it as a positive experience. He's not the only person I've heard stories like that from. I got some nudie pics from a woman in her 40's when I was in my early teens, and I loved it! And no, it's not always different for women. Edited May 13, 2012 by gaius
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 No problem, anytime, Elswyth. I don't think I need to prove anything to anyone on here I think this time, I just have to say, we were both victims of love. He loved me, he took care of me, it just happened that we were not meant to be and I've already accepted that fact. He's now happy and living his own life. I was mad at first but it was a long time ago and I've already forgiven all the people who've hurt me from the past. Anyway, I started this thread not to clarify things between him and me, that was from the past, I am totally over him. I just included him here to put emphasis on my statement that I'm a magnet to older guys. That's it! I don't want anybody to argue about how it has something to do with the culture or how abused I was in the past and how pervert old guys are. I really have nothing against them. I was just wondering if there's really such a thing as 'Older men magnet'. And you guys didn't pay much attention to my question, you just judged all these men instead. I don't think that's fair. I understand it that you guys are smelling troll because like what some posters said, it's definitely out of the world, but rare things do happen once in a while. I'm not a troll, get over it.
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 Where were my parents? They were there and were so mad at me. My Dad was about to shoot him when I told my parents that it was true, that I was with him. They didn't want me to be with him, but like I said, I didn't listen. Call me a prodigal daughter, but yeah, I didn't listen. Do we really have to talk about the issue of me being inclined to him 9 years ago? God, like I said, it's over! I am 23 now, and don't date guys that are 15 years older from me anymore. But still, I was told by my friend that 10 years gap is still a big gap so that's why I posted.
EternalInk Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 As far as the younger guys are concerned, they might not approach you because they always see you with older men. If you live in a small community it's more likely that they'll put you in that "she only dates older men" box. It's the same with the young ladies who only date wealthy men and make it a well known fact that if you're broke then you shouldn't even try utter a word to her.
AkidAtHeart Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Ok but WHY must you point out it's specifically a WHITE DUDE. You got a problem. I'm Asian. I like Mexican girls. I don't include MEXICAN GIRLS in every post I make .. as if they care. You're post makes perfect sense if you were to remove every "white guy" reference. 1
gaius Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I really have nothing against them. I was just wondering if there's really such a thing as 'Older men magnet'. And you guys didn't pay much attention to my question, you just judged all these men instead. I don't think that's fair. It's very possible older men are your type and you give off good vibes to them without even realizing it.
sallywebb Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Man, back when I was about 20, i went out with a guy who was 32. I thought 12 years old difference didn't matter, but seriously, when he started turning 33, 34, I realised how we were completely on different path. And not to mention, he suddenly got OLDER... somehow he just went from old to super old. But anyway, I seriously think in dating, there's no such a thing as age as a 'tick box' or as a criteria per se. Don't just diss younger guys and say they're not for you. I use to think like that, but now I'm happily married to someone 2 years younger than I am
kaylan Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 (edited) I don't get the troll vibe, at least from this thread. The story seems realistic to me. Even if she is a troll, it's not like she's gonna stop posting since you said something. All you're doing is making the next person think twice if they get an urge to talk about a similar experience. The dynamics really do vary in underage/adult relationships. Some are abusive and predatory while others are not, so you're making a big assumption. George Takei has a famous story about getting oral from a camp counselor when he was really young, he wasn't upset by it. It was consensual and he saw it as a positive experience. He's not the only person I've heard stories like that from. I got some nudie pics from a woman in her 40's when I was in my early teens, and I loved it! And no, it's not always different for women. So its ok for adults of much greater age to have sexual feelings for young teenagers and to act on those feelings? It looks like you are saying this. Thats just creepy. How can someone take an interest in her when shes 14. Just imagine how young looking she was. The VAST majority of 14 year old girls dont even look close to being women yet. And excuse me, the psychology of a horny "wants to fvk anything" teenage boy is far different from a teenage girls psychology. Do not compare the two. Edited May 13, 2012 by kaylan 1
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 Ok, it was a wrong relationship. It was a mistake that I chose to be with him. OKAY, I WAS A FOOL. I WAS WRONG! HE WAS SELFISH! But again, it's over... that was from the past... I learnt from it and that's all enough for me to be grateful... Okay, another mistake that I typed that word "WHITE" that annoys some people here... My thumb was just addicted to that word, same as me But I swear from now on, I won't be typing that again to make my posts not senseless...
stillafool Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Also how do you act around these older guys who come on to you? I remember when I was 23 I never even noticed men over the age of 29. Like someone else said the older men would make comments and eyes and such but I thought it was creepy. If you are giving them the impression that it is okay to approach you they will, likewise if you give them the vibe to not even try it, they won't. There is no such thing as an older man magnet. 1
Els Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Uhm, okay, straight up, I personally think the reason you have only had Rs with men over 30 is a bit of a vicious cycle. Your first R set the stage for all of that. I wouldn't go so far as to say you were abused, but I think you were with someone who took advantage of you. At 26, now, even IF I were to genuinely fall in love with a 14-year-old boy (I think the chances of this are pretty much null, but lets go with it for hypothetical purposes), I would not pursue the R especially if I knew his parents would kick him out because of it. And even if (this is the 3rd extremely improbable 'if' in a row) I did make the mistake of pursuing it and they kicked him out at 14, I would take care of him until he reached legal age instead of leaving him to fend for himself. That is just what decent and mature adults do. This man you were with was not such an adult. Moving on from there, I think this affected all of your future relationships. Somehow, while you were at a very impressionable and naive age, you were brought to believe that this sort of relationship dynamic with this sort of man is 'okay'. That encourages the predators to come in droves. Hon, you know, and I know, what the average Caucasian expatriate who only goes after Asian girls half his age, is usually after. Even if one or two of them were genuinely in love with you for you, I do not think that would be the primary motivation for the majority of them. TL;DR: I think it is the signals you send that attract such men. And young Filipino men your age, observing this, would not go after you because of it. Some of them perhaps feel, wrongly so, inferior and insecure. Others perceive you negatively because of your choices in men. 4
6ft180natl Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I'm 23... And never had a boyfriend that's younger than 30. I was 14 when I had my first boyfriend, he was 36. When I turned 18, he turned 40. When we broke up, I had another boyfriend, a white dude, he was 43! Wait, he didn't look like 43, he looked like a 28 year old guy by his face, skin, body and smell, lol! And even now, he doesn't look like he's already on his late 50's. So young looking! When he went back to his home, we decided to call it off. I started dating and again, I had another white guy and he was 36, then 31 and then 34... And now, I'm with a 33 year old guy. I dunno why but really no one from my age tried to court nor date me. Well, I was talking before to a 26 year old guy but I just can't relate myself with the way he was living his life. I'm quite an immature sometimes but I don't like an immature guy. I've come to think of this coz I was talking to my friend earlier and she asked me why do I always get associated with older guys. And they don't seem to work all the all the time, and she told me to find one on my age and maybe it's going to work. I don't know but looking back, nobody from my age tried to come to me. Is there such a thing as "Older dude's magnet"? Seems like a case where the type of relationship dynamic you look for is something that you would find with older men. Maybe you want a father figure whom you admire that has the ability to support you financially to take care of you and guide you. Younger men probably would be less likely to approach a woman who is looking for a man to take care of her than older men.
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 Seems like a case where the type of relationship dynamic you look for is something that you would find with older men. Maybe you want a father figure whom you admire that has the ability to support you financially to take care of you and guide you. Younger men probably would be less likely to approach a woman who is looking for a man to take care of her than older men. You could be right... But apparently, I can take care of myself...
SarahRose Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 But... you are working in your family-owned business at this time 'and have been taking over your mom's job in it since you were 18', to quote yourself, and getting a $220k/year share out of it? I'm sorry if you sound harsh, but your posts sound a little out of this world. I don't think it's the culture difference either, as I'm from a country not too far away from yours. that's right. good catch:D
Author DuchessKaye Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 It's very possible older men are your type and you give off good vibes to them without even realizing it. I just realized this... maybe I do really come off like one... I do admire older guys for their maturity and stability, but can't I find guys who're matured and stable and are close to my age and have them to approach me?? And what is close? 5 years? 10 years?
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