oakstar Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 (edited) I met this girl more than 3.5 years ago through friends. we haven't been in touch for a long time and met a few times. About a month ago she moved close to me, and I visited her at her workplace which is close to home, Since she's new in the city, I took her out for a drink a few times, and eventually we started kissing and slept together twice. So we've been dating nearly two weeks, and her birthday is in a few days. She's big into music, and she wants to learn to play guitar and is interested in buying one. She told me this, perhaps she was hinting to me but I don't know.. I want to teach her how to play, and I thought of buying her a guitar as a gift... but I'm afraid this would be too much too soon.. What do you guys think? Edit: I do like her a lot and it seems she likes me too. I don't want to scare her, cause she told me she's a bit afraid of commitment right before I kissed her.. This guitar is relatively inexpensive (less than $100), and perfume would cost just a little less. Most people I've asked say to not get a gift at all or something small, just a card and flowers or chocolates. Maybe a spa massage, or dinner, something we can both enjoy. But I really want her to have the guitar! I don't want her to be creeped out, so I might just save the guitar for later, even though she might buy one herself until then. Please help me! Edited May 12, 2012 by oakstar
Mrlonelyone Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Ooh that's a tricky position to be in. If you do too much she's scared too little and it looks like you don't care. If anything you should be concerned about her talking about not wanting commitment. To me that sounds suspicious...why just say that out of the blue? Spend no more than $20 on the gift.
NeverDated Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 This guitar is relatively inexpensive (less than $100), and perfume would cost just a little less. Most people I've asked say to not get a gift at all or something small, just a card and flowers or chocolates. Maybe a spa massage, or dinner, something we can both enjoy. But I really want her to have the guitar! I don't want her to be creeped out, so I might just save the guitar for later, even though she might buy one herself until then. Please help me! I think all of those ideas are horrible for someone you've only been dating for two weeks and who openly admitted to commitment issues. All come on too strong. Bottle of wine and maybe some chocolates/stuffed animal/cheesy-cheap pendant the next time you hang out alone.
matte123 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 What about a cd or a gift card to some music site like Itunes if she uses that? Do you know her other interest? It might be helpful to ask your mutual friends about that. I think smaller, less expensive gifts are best since you guys haven't dated for a long time and she's scared of commitment.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Bottle of wine and maybe some chocolates/stuffed animal/cheesy-cheap pendant the next time you hang out alone. Easy, no gift; just take her out for dinner. I don't know for the really skittish type even a simple gesture like that can be coming on too strong. @Oakstar You know what...just give her something you think is appropriate that does not cost more than $20 or so. If anything that inexpensive scares her then she needs to grow up and just isn't the one for you.
marsha80 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I don't know for the really skittish type even a simple gesture like that can be coming on too strong. I don't think so. People take their friends out for bday dinners all the time.
Fondue Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I would avoid seeing her at all that day. You only just started seeing each other, what makes you think she wants to prioritize you over anything/anyone else in her life on the day of her birth? You probably don't need any sort of gift either... She likely wants to spend the day with her family/friends.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 @marsha I agree with you. I look at dating as, ideally, being allot like a really good close friendship with sex. A relationship built on openness and honesty and the free expression of emotions without judgement. The one person in a world of phonies you can be real with. The sad fact is this is a world of phonies. Plenty of those phonies are deceptive and dishonest in their relationships. To the point where when someone gives a genuine gift even a simple one it is seen by many with suspicion. A simple flower, a simple card, a simple bottle of cologne... or even a CD... are seen by some as "red flags" (at any point in a relationship.) The OP is dealing with a woman who fears commitment. In a world where buildings are recyclable and phones are disposable commitment to meet up for dinner could even be too much for some people. Sad but too often true.
Author oakstar Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 Thanks for your replies. I might go for a homecooked meal with wine out on a blanket at the beach. Would it be a good idea to ask her what she wants for her birthday?
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