advice for a rebound, I feel so used

[Juninho]

The girl i broke up with 2months ago is back with her ex boyfriend and ive come to realisation that i was a dirty rebound for her.

 

Background

 

Ex Girlfriend was with this guy for 3years, her first everything.

Broke up with him a year ago, we got close 2months after her break up

We became a couple in July, and broke up in March.

 

During our relationship she would talk about how much she hated this guy, and she told me about all the f*cked up things he's done to her.

 

He cheated on her many times

gave her and STD

Didn't taker her out

Ignored her etc

 

He's just scum of the earth, she told me how i was such an improvement on him and how her family prefers me, and how i was such a great boyfriend and nice guy blah blah. At the time, it was great to hear because i loved this girl dearly and would have done anything for her. The relationship in ,my eyes was great and she would say so to.

 

Then she says to me 8months into the relationship that she's worried that she hasn't fallen in love me properly and that we should break up :S

 

Ive gone 2months NC then last night we was at the same party and i saw them together, i acted confidently and calm but deep down was so betrayed and heartbroken.

 

How can she get back with a guy who treated her so badly and rub it in the face of the guy that treated her like a f*cking princess. Ive tried to get my head around it but just don't understand. She's thrown me away fro this waste of space

 

I've never felt so used in my life. I feel like ive wasted a whole year of my life on this girl, allowing myself fall in love with her while she was still dying to be with him.

I can never forgive her for this and i can't wait for the day he cheats on her again because i know damn well he will.

 

What advice do you guy have for a guy in my situation? This is girl that i'll most likely run into now and again and love deeply.

 

Do People just forget about people like she to me, i don't know how she does it. Ive thought about her everyday for 2months and she just leaves me for this next guy without a care in the world.

 

I don't know what to do:(

Edited May 12, 2012 by Juninho

[Tree_Salmon]

Move on, she doesn't really care about you.

 

She was using you to try and forget her ex but never got over him. Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. Let her go and find someone better.

 

My ex is with a rebound right now, I have a very small suspicion she is going to pop up in a few months and get in touch. When people have an old connection its tough to get rid of.

[cherries1]

Avoid all contact with her, seeing her and everything. I can't really blame her for not being able to love you, I know her ex treated her like crap but one can't just control feelings. You have to understand that she isn't at fault since love is not a choice. I've been in a kinda similar situation, but for the fact that I fell out of love with the ex after a while and continued to date the rebound. In the end, my feelings weakened and it was painful to part. But it would be even more painful to stay next to someone you don't love, for both parties.

 

That's why I tell you, you have to forget her and later on you will understand that there's someone better out there for you, someone who actually loves you and that you deserve. For the time being, NC her completely and be strong!

[Juninho]

Move on, she doesn't really care about you.

 

She was using you to try and forget her ex but never got over him. Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. Let her go and find someone better.

 

My ex is with a rebound right now, I have a very small suspicion she is going to pop up in a few months and get in touch. When people have an old connection its tough to get rid of.

 

But in a few months won't I be an 'old connection '? That's what I don't get. Is a relationship doomed if your the 'next guy'

 

She must still have feeling for me, you can't fake a whole year can you? No idea how people can get over and forget people so quickly.

[Juninho]

Avoid all contact with her, seeing her and everything. I can't really blame her for not being able to love you, I know her ex treated her like crap but one can't just control feelings. You have to understand that she isn't at fault since love is not a choice. I've been in a kinda similar situation, but for the fact that I fell out of love with the ex after a while and continued to date the rebound. In the end, my feelings weakened and it was painful to part. But it would be even more painful to stay next to someone you don't love, for both parties.

 

That's why I tell you, you have to forget her and later on you will understand that there's someone better out there for you, someone who actually loves you and that you deserve. For the time being, NC her completely and be strong!

 

She strung me along for a year and told me a bunch of lies,Of course she can be blamed.

[cherries1]

forgot to add: But even though I don't blame her for her feelings, I really think she's a bitch for being unrespectful and rubbing it to your face. You should take advantage of that, sometimes healing is faster when you truly realize the person actually sucks.

 

 

She strung me along for a year and told me a bunch of lies,Of course she can be blamed.

 

Yeah, I kinda forgot about that part, that's why I wanted to edit. I got carried away by my own experiences, sorry I really don't get how can someone stay for so long with someone amongst all those lies. Doesn't one feel awkward when faking "I love you"? Because when I began feeling I wasn't being true, I left.

[Juninho]

forgot to add: But even though I don't blame her for her feelings, I really think she's a bitch for being unrespectful and rubbing it to your face. You should take advantage of that, sometimes healing is faster when you truly realize the person actually sucks.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I kinda forgot about that part, that's why I wanted to edit. I got carried away by my own experiences, sorry I really don't get how can someone stay for so long with someone amongst all those lies. Doesn't one feel awkward when faking "I love you"? Because when I began feeling I wasn't being true, I left.

 

True, I'm just incredibly bitter right about now. I just want to fast forward a few months to when this guy ****s her about and i can have a little chuckle.

 

I don't think I can trust another girl again in all honesty and huge lesson learnt for me here.

[Joaquin]

Were there any red flags that you ignored? Was she still in contact with him etc.

 

It sucks man, I know, but you gotta try and take what lessons you can from this and move on as there is not a lot else you can do.

[cherries1]

True, I'm just incredibly bitter right about now. I just want to fast forward a few months to when this guy ****s her about and i can have a little chuckle.

 

I don't think I can trust another girl again in all honesty and huge lesson learnt for me here.

 

We always say that we will never love or trust again, but most times we heal and recover and are able to experience trust once more, believe me. Next time please make sure that the whole relationship doesn't focus on the ex. It seems to me that she spent plenty of time saying "how much better than him you were", which is a clear sign of a rebound, in my opinion. A relationship is for 2, not 3.

 

And I know you're bitter, but don't bother yourself imagining revenge or anything like that. I read today this quote from Buddha, "holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". I think it's really inspiring, I have found myself "hating" a lot lately too, but it's best to focus in the positive stuff in your own life and forget people who aren't wort it

[Juninho]

Were there any red flags that you ignored? Was she still in contact with him etc.

 

It sucks man, I know, but you gotta try and take what lessons you can from this and move on as there is not a lot else you can do.

 

Well he always kept bothering her with FB inbox messages, but she always told me, so I never cared really because why would she tell me right?

He was seeing someone else at the time too.

 

He was a real arsehole, so I had no reason to believe anything would happen, silly me. She would speak about him negatively a lot so ,maybe she was just trying to convince herself i suppose.

 

But they must of spoke about having another go, while me and my ex were together which make me physically sick

 

Another funny thing, she always mentioned having serious trust issues because of him, and was constantly worried i would cheat on her.

So why would she go back to someone that she knows would cheat on her? That doesn't make sense to me at all. there were times in the relationship where i could of easily cheated, but never considered it once. Its just so funny.

 

He WILL cheat on her again, i can't wait.

[Juninho]

We always say that we will never love or trust again, but most times we heal and recover and are able to experience trust once more, believe me. Next time please make sure that the whole relationship doesn't focus on the ex. It seems to me that she spent plenty of time saying "how much better than him you were", which is a clear sign of a rebound, in my opinion. A relationship is for 2, not 3.

 

And I know you're bitter, but don't bother yourself imagining revenge or anything like that. I read today this quote from Buddha, "holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". I think it's really inspiring, I have found myself "hating" a lot lately too, but it's best to focus in the positive stuff in your own life and forget people who aren't wort it

 

Thanks for this, i know all this deep down, but its so hard.

 

I know i have to leave her to it and i will. I know the pain will go away in time. I just want to fast forward in life right now, hate suffering.

[cherries1]

Thanks for this, i know all this deep down, but its so hard.

 

I know i have to leave her to it and i will. I know the pain will go away in time. I just want to fast forward in life right now, hate suffering.

 

Nobody likes suffering, but sometimes to get out of hell one has to walk through it!

[Joaquin]

Bro I had a similar situation. We were together a year and it's hard. The feelings are just crap.

 

You'll get through this but I would be saying stuff like you know he will cheat on her etc... It's not your problem anymore. You should be glad you got out now than in another few years when you might have been even more invested, time, house, maybe kids etc

 

You should listen to the song cover by Sheryl Crow, first cut is the deepest... Sad but you might stop hating her and just see the situation for what it is.....

[Juninho]

Bro I had a similar situation. We were together a year and it's hard. The feelings are just crap.

 

You'll get through this but I would be saying stuff like you know he will cheat on her etc... It's not your problem anymore. You should be glad you got out now than in another few years when you might have been even more invested, time, house, maybe kids etc

 

You should listen to the song cover by Sheryl Crow, first cut is the deepest... Sad but you might stop hating her and just see the situation for what it is.....

 

How is it for you now bro? If you don't mind me asking.

 

Do you speak? Did she reach out?

[Joaquin]

There were a few differences between our situations, but bottom line is I believe I to was a rebound.

 

I'm 6 months after break up and I don't miss her or wish we were together. I don't wonder what she is up to. I don't care.

 

But I do get angry sometimes when i think about the way that she treated me. I'm quite a proud kind of guy so maybe thats way those feelings are sticking. I hope those feelings go as I don't like them. And they are totally non productive.

 

Yes, She has tried to reach out, but I haven't responded. How could I. She tried to have me and another guy, which isn't fair or right. Who knows why can come down the line with someone who is at that sort of thing.

[Juninho]

There were a few differences between our situations, but bottom line is I believe I to was a rebound.

 

I'm 6 months after break up and I don't miss her or wish we were together. I don't wonder what she is up to. I don't care.

 

But I do get angry sometimes when i think about the way that she treated me. I'm quite a proud kind of guy so maybe thats way those feelings are sticking. I hope those feelings go as I don't like them. And they are totally non productive.

 

Yes, She has tried to reach out, but I haven't responded. How could I. She tried to have me and another guy, which isn't fair or right. Who knows why can come down the line with someone who is at that sort of thing.

 

Fair play mate, I hope I get to where you're at fast.

[Joaquin]

You kept nc u till you ran in to her at the party, so it sounds like your doing all you can to move on. Only other advise is to Try and keep busy and things light with any new girls as you don't want to put someone else through what you know is plainly unfair.

[Tree_Salmon]

But in a few months won't I be an 'old connection '? That's what I don't get. Is a relationship doomed if your the 'next guy'

 

She must still have feeling for me, you can't fake a whole year can you? No idea how people can get over and forget people so quickly.

 

People don't really get over you quickly they just transfer the pain and mask it with someone else. She was probably hung up on this guy for a year but liked you enough to use you as her emotional tampon.

 

I'm sure she had fun but her intentions were to get over this guy that she loved. People do it all the time. I'm not saying it isn't horrible but its a sign of immaturity and weakness.

 

You're hurt because you're projecting your own caring personality on her and expect her to act/feel the same. Sadly people are this way and you will never understand it. You don't have to.

 

So i guess the answer is NO, you are not an old connection. You were just her band-aid for a broken leg. Now that her leg healed up she realized that she doesn't need you anymore. Don't worry though, shes probably going to repeat her mistakes for a long time.

 

You, on the other hand, need to move on and find someone who's as mature and caring as yourself.

 

I know this all sounds like harsh crap but life is littered with moments of harsh crapness.

[Natalie_99]

From someone who was being used as a rebound in a VERY similar situation - my advice is to just forget about her altogether!

 

Hard to do I know! but seriously - for comfort - you can just imagine how all their problems will just re surface after their "second honeymoon" phase is over and how she will end up breaking up with him anyway.

 

Why? Because I don't believe relationship problems that people split up over just vanish with some time and dating other people to use as comparison. She hasn't dealt with her break up properly and is still deluded in believing her ex is still the person she first met. The act of being perfect people on both their behalf's will fade away quickly - she just sounds like a weak person caught up in her past and you deserve so much better than that! She might have to deal with 3 break ups in the end which would be devastating. Don't be like her and begin moving on as soon as possible!

 

Someone perfect is out there looking for you - so leave your ex in your past where she belongs and start looking for this person too!

 

x

[Joaquin]

Your question about being the next guy is quite interesting and having been a rebound Ive also thought about this.

 

The girl before my rebound hadn't had a relationship in three years. Before me she had a 7 year relationship. She was emotionally completely there and although the relationship didn't work out, the relationship did work ( if you get my meaning). I've met her on random occasions and we still smile at each other in a friendly way.

 

The girl I was the rebound for told me she had been broken up for 6 months after a 5 year relationship. As it turned out she was in contact with the guy throughout the 6 months so to all intent wasn't broken up at all and was very much still wanting a connection with him. It was a lie from the start. Total disaster with red flags which I didn't really have enough experience to deal with at the time. I broke up with her when I found out she was meeting her ex behind my back.

 

So my lesson is to be very wary of any person that is recently out of a long relationship. They need time to fully detach so they can make a connection with someone new, and the emotionally healthy ones tend not to NEED contact with an ex.

Edited May 12, 2012 by Joaquin

[Juninho]

Well since seeing her, things have been good. I'm no where as crushed and no longer feeling sorry for myself.

I've been on a night out 2x, keeping myself busy with family and friends and generally enjoying myself.

I've been promised a promotion in the next few months, so i'll have a lot of focus directed on my work now.

 

Anyway, Today i was on FB today as you do and saw a status of her pop up.

 

"They say relationships have there ups an downs so why's mine always stuck on down "/"

 

Reading that i had so many mixed emotions, that its definitely confirmed she's back with him and back with him for some time. Which sucks to know you've been replaced, we only split 2months ago for god sake.

Also it shows that she's getting frustrated or some what upset and i didn't really take that much pleasure from knowing that, even though it makes me feel better about myself,because she'd never said anything like that about me when were together.

 

i looked at her profile after reading that status and saw another status from earlier today saying

 

"There's only so much i can take" and on top of that one her best friends added me on FB, which might not have anything to do with her ex and is probably because i made out with her cousin last weekend and saw her add me the other day haha, but still.

 

 

Question i have is

 

Why do i feel sympathy for my ex? She as good as cheated on me and put me through so much **** and heres me feelign sorry for her new BF messing her about. So strange.