when he's very handsome

May 12, 2012

@ women and girls, i need other womens' insights plz

do you feel like any classically handsome men that you have liked are automatically going to be so inundated with other women and girls that you see a red flag and are deterred, knowing he has his pick of most all women

May 12, 2012

No, exceptional looking people get rejected also. In addition, beautiful women are asked out less than average-looking women. Most men feel they wouldn't stand a chance with a real beauty, so most men ask out middle-of-the-road looking women. Average-looking gals have so many dates, while beautiful women sit home alone on Saturday nights. Of course, if a man is very wealthy or great-looking himself, he may have the courage to ask out a beautiful women. It depends on the person.

May 12, 2012

thanks but -

i want first hand accounts, that's true stories that people have lived through, i want to know if they feel like me inside

May 12, 2012

If the man in question is very good looking and you are average, the best you can hope for is a short-term fling or one night stand. For long-term relationships, both men and women want someone who is at least on their level.

May 12, 2012

@ women and girls, i need other womens' insights plz

do you feel like any classically handsome men that you have liked are automatically going to be so inundated with other women and girls that you see a red flag and are deterred, knowing he has his pick of most all women

No, I didn't feel this way. Because as Leegh said, which held true to my experience, handsome men were typically the ones sitting around the bar/club/event without any attention. I think it's a mix of their own insecurity (most attractive people don't realize how attractive they truly are) and the insecurity of others (the feeling you cited about them having enough choices already). Add in a good bit of social awkwardness, and you have total catches who are single.

Late last Spring, a good friend took me to a group event. It was a meet-n-greet for a group. There was a man there who I would consider to be exceptionally handsome, and he was just sitting around talking to the older group members. I ended up approaching him and we spent most of the evening talking, gave him my number, and he never called. I had the same thought ("eh, he must get that all the time"), but the next time my friend saw him, he asked why this guy hadn't called me, and the guy more or less said he had trouble summoning the courage.

Same experience a few weeks later. Went to a fundraiser with a friend, met someone (handsome, successful, funny, etc.), spent the evening together, had a great time, got his number and texted him about a week later. He sent me five or six bizarre ("tHatSS gRR8!!!" type) texts in response so I figured he was just trying to blow me off. About a month later, he looked me up on Facebook and I heard through the grapevine that he didn't know why I'd just stopped contacting him.

May 12, 2012

It depends on their personality. In some cases I might. But I don't write off a guy just because he is too handsome lol that would be madness

May 12, 2012

I think there are women who think along the same lines as men in this regard. There are many men who think "She's too hot. She's already got a guy or several after her. I won't be in control, she'll f*ck with my head. Let me go after someone I can handle. Someone not all the guys want." I know guys who think this way. They do not want a headache. They do not want to worry that men are after their woman. They would feel more comfortable dating a girl that is okay looking but knowing they do not have to worry she is getting attention from other men.

I think women go through this, too. If they feel the guy is really handsome, he will have options and they will end up getting hurt by him. They would prefer dating someone they feel "safe" with, as in, he doesn't have many options, or none at all. They can control him. They won't feel insecure worrying he has many women after him.

This where levels comes into play. Hot guy with a hot girl cancels out the worrisome factor. If one is really hot over the other, say the guy is hotter in this instance, there will be some women out there who recognize this and will make a move on the guy, thinking they are more beautiful than his current girl.

May 12, 2012

thanks but -

i want first hand accounts, that's true stories of women that have lived through this, i want to know if they feel like me inside

May 12, 2012

thanks but -

i want first hand accounts, that's true stories of women that have lived through this, i want to know if they feel like me inside

What do you want to hear? "I saw this really handsome guy, but figured I couldn't measure up to all his other prospects, so I just walked away."?

The way you're feeling isn't healthy. You could substitute anything - "successful", "wealthy", "Christian" - for "handsome." It's more than a little insecure and shows that you don't see value in yourself.

May 12, 2012

Well, I married a classically handsome man, and there is some truth to what you say. Women hit on him all the time, and it becomes annoying. I knew it would be like this going into the marriage, though. In his single days before we met, he would go to an event and come home with five phone numbers a night, according to his friends. He knows how to charm, and had always had success with the ladies. Fortunately, he is loyal and has a "married mindset", and I've kept up my appearance, so I don't consider these pursuers a threat, but it is annoying that women, both married and single, are drawn to his good looks and charming personality. I guess you take the good with the bad. To look into that handsome face every night keeps my sexual interest high, but then I also have to deal with setting boundaries with people and teaching him how to set boundaries with people who insist on showing their interest, even though he is married. My sister went through this also with her second husband. Although he wasn't handsome per se, he was attractive, and women (strangers) would come right up to their table when they were out and talk to him, pretending to just be friendly to them as a couple, but their words were always directed to him, and they would drop hints as to where they hang out on other nights (in case he wanted to pursue). It irritated my sister also, because women these days are more bold and they make it very obvious they are interested, even though they know the guy is married.

May 12, 2012

No, exceptional looking people get rejected also. In addition, beautiful women are asked out less than average-looking women. Most men feel they wouldn't stand a chance with a real beauty, so most men ask out middle-of-the-road looking women. Average-looking gals have so many dates, while beautiful women sit home alone on Saturday nights. Of course, if a man is very wealthy or great-looking himself, he may have the courage to ask out a beautiful women. It depends on the person.

I'll agree with this to the extent that exceptional looking women don't get approached as often as average looking women, simply because most guys fear rejection, so they are afraid to approach. Only the good looking men have the confidence to approach a beautiful woman, usually. An office where I had worked when in my twenties had women who were very attractive, and one who was overweight. When we would go out for a drink after work to celebrate one of the girl's birthdays or some other event, the overweight girl would get asked to dance repeatedly, but the other attractive girls would seldom get approached. Men fear rejection, so they go for the sure thing, unless the guy is very good looking, then he will approach. For women who have the nerve to approach men, they do go after the good looking ones. Women who are bold enough to approach men don't have a fear of rejection, so they don't hesitate to approach a good looking man.

May 12, 2012

Attractive people do get approached a lot. The key is to make yourself stand out by being interested in him for different reasons than those of everyone else who's approached him.

I know hot guys in happy relationships with fat women because they saw the men for who they were inside, instead of like, "Yay, hot guy!" I get hit on a lot myself, and I'm in a wonderful relationship with a scrawny, nerdy-looking dude because I wanted somebody who liked me for my brains and personality. (I personally find him very attractive, but am aware that he is not conventionally good-looking.)

One time, I met a tall, blond, handsome guy on the internet. He used to be in the military and had a stable job at the Pentagon. This guy had a lot of options -- why would he be looking for a girl on the internet? Why would I, for that matter? We went on a date and found that we wanted the same thing: someone to pursue us for something other than our looks. To be able to connect with someone without having to show our picture first. (We looked good together, but it didn't work out between us because I found him terminally boring. Point still stands, though!)

May 12, 2012

I'll agree with this to the extent that exceptional looking women don't get approached as often as average looking women, simply because most guys fear rejection, so they are afraid to approach. Only the good looking men have the confidence to approach a beautiful woman, usually. An office where I had worked when in my twenties had women who were very attractive, and one who was overweight. When we would go out for a drink after work to celebrate one of the girl's birthdays or some other event, the overweight girl would get asked to dance repeatedly, but the other attractive girls would seldom get approached. Men fear rejection, so they go for the sure thing, unless the guy is very good looking, then he will approach. For women who have the nerve to approach men, they do go after the good looking ones. Women who are bold enough to approach men don't have a fear of rejection, so they don't hesitate to approach a good looking man.

In my experience, the good looking guys are just as scared of rejection IMO. It's the unattractive dudes that approach the good looking girls where I'm from.

Frankly, I don't know whether I am considered handsome or not conventionally, but I have feared approaching before in my life, but conversely have been approached by girls intermittently as well as covertly (unbeknownst to me).

May 12, 2012

In my experience, the good looking guys are just as scared of rejection IMO. It's the unattractive dudes that approach the good looking girls where I'm from.

Frankly, I don't know whether I am considered handsome or not conventionally, but I have feared approaching before in my life, but conversely have been approached by girls intermittently as well as covertly (unbeknownst to me).

Confidence is the factor in whether a guy will approach or not. Confident, handsome men, will approach a beautiful woman. My husband had a lot of confidence and knew how to charm a woman, so he readily flirted with beautiful women when single and was very successful at it. There are also men who are handsome, but lack confidence with women for some reason. I have a son in college who is very handsome, but does not have a lot of confidence with women, so he does not usually approach women, but because of his looks, women approach him. I'm trying to teach him that he needs to have the confidence to be the pursuer in a relationship and go after the girls who he prefers, and be the choser instead of the chosen.

May 12, 2012

Confidence is the factor in whether a guy will approach or not. Confident, handsome men, will approach a beautiful woman. My husband had a lot of confidence and knew how to charm a woman, so he readily flirted with beautiful women when single and was very successful at it. There are also men who are handsome, but lack confidence with women for some reason. I have a son in college who is very handsome, but does not have a lot of confidence with women, so he does not usually approach women, but because of his looks, women approach him. I'm trying to teach him that he needs to have the confidence to be the pursuer in a relationship and go after the girls who he prefers, and be the choser instead of the chosen.

wow, your son takes after your dad so

May 12, 2012

Confidence is the factor in whether a guy will approach or not. Confident, handsome men, will approach a beautiful woman. My husband had a lot of confidence and knew how to charm a woman, so he readily flirted with beautiful women when single and was very successful at it. There are also men who are handsome, but lack confidence with women for some reason. I have a son in college who is very handsome, but does not have a lot of confidence with women, so he does not usually approach women, but because of his looks, women approach him. I'm trying to teach him that he needs to have the confidence to be the pursuer in a relationship and go after the girls who he prefers, and be the choser instead of the chosen.

Similar to my experience. Dad was a charmer and confident. I didn't really seem to take on that same confidence, so my mother was always prompting me to do so. Thankfully, she wasn't one of those women that taught me to be nice to the point of doormat status, so I've never had my "niceness" get in the way, more my lack of initiative.

It's an irrational fear, but recognizing it's irrationality doesn't always prevent you from experience it. What I'm doing with myself at the moment is trying to make my skin thicker and deal with these things. I am much better at taking it nowadays, but I still take a little longer than normal to approach girls. I'm getting there though, I'm building my confidence.

I took a bit of encouragement from a fellow autistic guy I met recently who is good with girls too, so that only served to add more onto my already pretty high optimism.

Edited May 12, 2012 by ThaWholigan

May 12, 2012

wow, your son takes after your dad so

They are both handsome, but my husband has a lot of charm and confidence, and my son does not have that confidence with women. My son gets a lot of double takes from women and the more aggressive women will come onto him, but he does not have the confidence to pursue women if they don't approach, unless he knows them well from other venues, in which case he'll ask the woman out if he gets to know them well first in non-dating scenarios. I wish he had the confidence my husband had with women, but we're trying to encourage him to be the pursuer. It's not naturally in his psyche, though, to be more aggressive with women. He's very athletic and aggressive in sports, but with women, he's very picky and doesn't normally pursue.

May 12, 2012

@ women and girls, i need other womens' insights plz

do you feel like any classically handsome men that you have liked are automatically going to be so inundated with other women and girls that you see a red flag and are deterred, knowing he has his pick of most all women

Maybe. I've been in this situation before. It is weird and a little annoying. Mostly it is annoying to see women throw themselves at a complete stranger and get all fluttery eyed when they talk about your beau.

I want to say to them "hey, ever heard of using your BRAIN to pick a partner?" Of course, the same rule applies to men.

I will also say, that, given all the random panty throwing, it does get a bit old. The good thing (for the guy who has a decent head on his shoulders)... he's gotten this kind of attention for years and thinks the same thing about them. You have to be a very confident woman and you need to really trust him... takes time.

Will also say... one can't help how they are born. If they (just so happen) to be born totally gorgeous and take care of themselves, then wouldn't it be sad if they got ruled out just because of that? Same applies for the person who may not be particularly good looking according to society's standards.

I screen based on character, integrity, and compatibility. Of course, I need to be attracted to them... but I've been attracted to all kinds of men... gorgeous and not-so-gorgeous (at least by objective societal standards).

I'll make a blanket judgement too... The men who are classically handsome don't tend to be the best partners. They don't need to try too hard. If things don't work out with you... there is always another one on the way. Unless there is something incredibly unique about you (inside or outside), it can be tough to keep their attention. Meh. I'm more of a go with the flow kind of person. Ya like me or ya don't. I'm all for mutual care and respect.

Plus, unless they had a very good FOO... they may not be terribly interested in working on their character and fortitude, or even personality. They've gotten very far on the superficial, and so may be rather boring in other aspects of their life. Sorry... that's usually how it goes. We are obliged to 'work' on the areas we weren't born with originally.

My absolute FAVORITE type of guy are the ones who were reasonably successful with the ladies when they were younger, but were late bloomers in the looks dept. They've done the hard work of establishing their character and have taken a few hard knocks... so when they all of a sudden become gorgeous or appealing, they sometimes have an above average level of empathy. The opposite are ones who have become bitter and use their new street appeal to take advantage. Have seen those too.

Edited May 12, 2012 by RedRobin

May 12, 2012

Nah. I mean if I was unattractive then yes I'd worry about it, but I'm not so... Girls hit on my BF and it's annoying but I don't worry about it, and he doesn't worry about it when it happens to me either. We could both likely "have our pick" if we wanted to (and TBH both probably have in the past!-before we knew one another though, obviously).

May 12, 2012

Speaking as a ridiculously handsome guy, we're no different than any other guys out there.

And it's not our fault that women can't resist us!

May 12, 2012

I'll agree with this to the extent that exceptional looking women don't get approached as often as average looking women, simply because most guys fear rejection, so they are afraid to approach. Only the good looking men have the confidence to approach a beautiful woman, usually. An office where I had worked when in my twenties had women who were very attractive, and one who was overweight. When we would go out for a drink after work to celebrate one of the girl's birthdays or some other event, the overweight girl would get asked to dance repeatedly, but the other attractive girls would seldom get approached. Men fear rejection, so they go for the sure thing, unless the guy is very good looking, then he will approach. For women who have the nerve to approach men, they do go after the good looking ones. Women who are bold enough to approach men don't have a fear of rejection, so they don't hesitate to approach a good looking man.

Good looking men are often more confident because they get positive response from women.....average guys don´t.

Most Average/ugly men don´t approach very good looking women because the chances of getting her are the same as winning the lottery, but for the good looking ones it´s a different game.

The true "confident" men are the ones who didn't let failure destroy them, Not the ones who got confidence with women, by getting positive response 90% of the time.

I know guys who are good looking, but with horrible personalities and don´t approach women but still have success with them.

May 12, 2012

It depends on the guy. I have two particularly good-looking exes, but I felt much more comfortable with one than the other - because he knew how to handle all the attention from women and gracefully deflect it. I never worried about him at all, because he behaved in a loyal, attentive way.

Research has shown that some men are more wired for commitment to one woman (for women, these are the real keepers), and others are not. If he is the former type, he is more likely to remain true no matter how much outside attention he gets.

I know a couple with a cute woman and gorgeous man. He gets checked out and hit on constantly, but he is completely loyal to her, because he obviously really loves her and wants to be with her for life. They've been together for years, and I don't doubt his loyalty at all.

May 12, 2012

No, exceptional looking people get rejected also. In addition, beautiful women are asked out less than average-looking women. Most men feel they wouldn't stand a chance with a real beauty, so most men ask out middle-of-the-road looking women. Average-looking gals have so many dates, while beautiful women sit home alone on Saturday nights. Of course, if a man is very wealthy or great-looking himself, he may have the courage to ask out a beautiful women. It depends on the person.

This cant be true! Beautiful girls are in the streets all the time & I gotta stand around & see it without a shot at them & I ask them out whenever I can .

May 12, 2012

@ women and girls, i need other womens' insights plz

do you feel like any classically handsome men that you have liked are automatically going to be so inundated with other women and girls that you see a red flag and are deterred, knowing he has his pick of most all women

This has always been irrelevant to me. Regardless of what a man looks like, if he's attracted to me, he'll approach and if we connect, then we're jelly!

May 12, 2012

Two of my exes were "classically handsome". One would even get hit on right in front of me.

Not a problem for me, as I knew how strong our connection was. IME, sexual attraction grows to be about more than just looks. It's about chemistry, and all my relationships had off the wall chemistry.

Can't wait to experience that again.

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when he's very handsome

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