someone12341 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Hi i was in a relationship for 2 years and engaged for 6 months of it, we had a great relationship always wanting what was best for eachother and making each other happy, then she started hanging around with her single friends and going out alot more, i didn't mind cause i trusted her and wanted her to have fun, that happened for a month b4 she came to me and told me that she wasn't happy and didn't want to be engaged to me anymore, i accept her decision cause i always wanted her to be happy even if that wasn't with me, but the one thing i don't get is why she said what she did, she said she never wanted to hurt me, that she will never regret the relationship, doesn't want this to be like it was here one day gone the next, and i wish i would have realized this sooner or never came to this, all her excuses for breaking up with me were something we could work out, and i asked her if we could and she said no just ended it So any advice on what she is saying or thinking would be great to ease my mind
Author someone12341 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 just a little more background about our relationship, i was 26 she was 24 when me met, it was a year and half b4 i asked her to marry me, when i did she was excited, happy and couldn't wait for ppl to see the ring, we always talked about our future, she made wedding plans and everything up 2 the weekend b4 the break, i seen the stress of wedding planning on her thats why i didn't mind when she went out with her friends plus i trusted her, i truly love her and hope for the best, just don't get why she said those things and didn't want to even try and work out our problems, i didn't go out to bars or partying with friends, wasn't abusive to her or put her down, i was a geniune guy to her, we had conficts but what relationship doesn't
Exit Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Typical story. Sounds like you were really good to her and you're exactly the type of guy that women claim to want, but don't know how to appreciate. It's unfortunate that "going out with the girlfriends" can often lead to undesirable results, that's why a lot of guys have an issue with it and try to be controlling in the first place, but you were cool about it and wanted her to do what she wanted and have fun, but obviously that must have been some part of what played into her thinking that she wasn't wanting to get married anymore. Maybe she met someone else, maybe she just realized she wasn't ready to stop going out and having fun yet. I used to like the idea of starting a marriage pretty early, finding a girl while I was still in my 20s, but I think I'm starting to give up on that. Too many horror stories about how girls in their 20s are nowhere near ready for a serious relationship in today's society. It's funny it seems like guys get the bad reputation for wanting to go out and party and not settle down, but in my lifetime I have known a lot more of my guy friends who wanted to get really serious with their girlfriends and it's usually these girls who aren't wanting to stick with 1 relationship anymore. I think you're just another classic case of this, she isn't done being young and free yet, you were ready to take it to the next level. You can ask yourself all the usual questions like "why would she have said this or that" but really it's not a complicated answered: some people are okay with lying. Or maybe she felt she was telling the truth at the time (this is more likely to be the case), but some people have no problem changing their mind and not seeing a problem with that. She liked all the superficial things about planning to get married, talking about your future together, showing people the ring, but she didn't really possess the desire to build a strong relationship and follow through. Heard this story a million times.
Author someone12341 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 thank you for your reply, it all makes sence. i was ready to settle down been wild and free in my early 20s just came to realize that the bar/parting scene gets old. i wanted someone to come home to and spend the rest of my life with was happy when she said yes devistated when she broke it off. i am slowly getting over her i accept it was her decision and there is nothing i can do about it now, time will heal my wounds and i know i will find someone that has the same qualities i have. again i wish her the best of luck and will always care for her
lostcommunication Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I can relate, I had the exact same situation. I'm 24, she's 22.. we've been together nearly 6 years and engaged for 1 1/2 years. She did start hanging out with single friends more prior to the final breakup, but she told me about her unhappiness months before. I tried my best to do things to increase her happiness. She told me the same thing yours told you. She didn't want to hurt me and she had no regrets from the relationship. Perhaps she realizes she has been living so much of her life for someone else, and wants to be her own person. Maybe she has met someone new. I've been told you can't brood on these feelings, because regardless of what the answer is (especially if she's met someone new) it won't matter. For some reason they don't want the relationship anymore, and if you constantly think about it you will drive yourself insane. She's said these things because she does care, but it doesn't necessarily mean she wants anything from it. She feels guilty, for "wasting" your time and breaking your heart. When mine told me those things, it made me feel like there may be a chance to fix things. But again that isn't up to me. You're exactly where I am, lost and confused. A thought I've had in the last week was, I told her I wanted her to be happy, but would I rather give up my happiness for her to be happy? You and I need to move on. I don't think I've helped at all, maybe just letting you know you there are more of us out there in the exact same situation.
Author someone12341 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 I read your post and I know how exactly you feel, I am trying to move on taking one day at a time, read many posts on here, came to the conclusion that she made her chose, nothing I can do about it, I just deleted her number, I friended her from Facebook, and I know for certain I will never be able to her back if she ever regrets breaking up with me and comes crawling back she had the best and didn't want it, her loss not mine, one thing that helps me cope is knowing that the only person that can ever make you happy is yourself, cause if you are not the you will never be happy with anyone or anything thank you for your reply and feel your pain
Author someone12341 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 so I've come to the conclusion about this break up and realized there was nothing i did wrong during it, I was ready for the next step and she wasn't ready ( do to her emotional immaturity) some call it gigs I don't call it gigs at all tho I believe she is trying to figure herself out, do to the lack of maturity in the end it was her chose and I respect her for doing it it takes alot of guts to do what she believes is right. and for me to not let her figure this out I would be immature just like she is. I respect her love her and care for her and it would be selfish for me not to let her figure herself out on her own. it hurts but I know it's what is best for her now that I figured it out. I am going to stick to nc and better myself, take this as a life experience and if the day ever comes where she wants me back I'll let her know on that day till then I am going to start thinking of what I really want out of life and move forward thank you all for ur support and comments
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