hurting1982 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 (edited) My heads all over the place at the moment! I was with a great guy for 6 months up until 2 weeks ago. We'd started off great! Felt like we'd known each other for years and were fantastic together. After 3 months he'd even told me he loved me, to which I told him the same. After a tricky break up a year ago I never thought I'd feel like this again about anyone. During the relationship we'd only had one argument, and one other stupid one which really was over something silly and shouldnt of happened. I let him know though after both of these how sorry i was. Well a month ago, things had started to change. We were just sitting there in front of the tv every night and has allowed things to go stale, for which I know I'm partly to blame. Then 2 weeks ago he said to me...."we need to talk" It wasn't so much a matter of us needing to talk. He'd decided that we werent working, the spark had gone, and we'd turned into more of a friendship. I talked to him about this and asked if he's made up his mind for sure. He said he couldn't see things getting back to the way they were. So I let him go, we didn't shout argue or anything. Why didn't he tell me something was wrong, and try to work things out? Rather than leave it? We were great together up until that last month. Always laughing n joking, loving each others company, then nothing! We met up the week after the break up and decided to give each other space. He said if he changed his mind he'd make sure I was the first to know. What's really confusing me is that he text me the day after the break up asking if I was ok? I just kept the texting short and left it at that. Well last weekend he asked if I was ok, and then a couple of days ago he did the same. I had text him a couple of times and chatted a bit but as soon as I stopped texting, a few days would pass and he text me asking me that. I'm so confused. If anyone can offer me advice I'd really appreciate it. I don't want to go no contact with him completely in case I push him away, and so far I'm doing ok to limit my contact. I'm just so confused by it all at the moment and I really want him back! I love this guy with all my heart and would do anything to get him back. Edited May 12, 2012 by hurting1982
Gulf-Delta Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 He was probably over the whole thing before he broke it off officially. My ex-gf was the same way. And when I asked for compromise or to meet me half way (let's get unengaged and just date casually), she said no. She had already checked out before calling everything off.
Author hurting1982 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 that could be true...except if it is then why keep in contact with me? If he had already accepted it before breaking it off he would want no contact at all. Ive been there before. But hes contacted me on a few occasions now which is why im so confused. Plus he was really upset when he finished it as well and they definitely werent fake tears.
rAFC Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Some people spend their whole lives chasing that infatuation feeling they get at the beginning of a relationship. They mistake that feeling for love and when it fades (and it ALWAYS fades) they think they must not really be in love. There isn't much you can do to make him come back. If he were to come back, he'd have to do it on his own without any convincing from you, otherwise it could never last. As for whether to stay in contact or not, that is up to you. Personally, I think that the more contact you have with him, the worse your chances are for him reconsidering (though either way the chances are not great). By staying in contact, you are helping him wean himself off of you. He will never have a chance to miss you because when he needs you all he has to do is call. 1
nature Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 He feels guilty. He is trying to appease his guilt so that he can move on into the future and know for himself that he was as kind as he could be about it. If it is hurting you, cut contact.
Author hurting1982 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Thats just it! I know that the feeling you first get when you first get together never lasts! I could quite easily of screamed that at him but it wouldn't of done my any good. I almost feel like saying to him that he's gonna be alone forever if he thinks like that. Im just going to try and have as little contact as possible
fucpcg Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 My ex, who told me she loved me repeatedly starting after two months, and talked about marriage and kids with me, and who showed love right up until our breakup, did pretty much the same thing. She decides to breakup, now refuses to even talk to me (a year plus later), and before leaving wrote me an email detailing everything I got wrong from day 1 of the relationship. This was all stuff I NEVER heard come out of her mouth before. Why do people do this? IDK, but they do it, and it's not just your bf who did it.
flitzanu Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Then 2 weeks ago he said to me...."we need to talk" It wasn't so much a matter of us needing to talk. He'd decided that we werent working, the spark had gone, and we'd turned into more of a friendship. do you text your friends to see how they are, what they are up to? there's your answer, along with the others above. exes text out of feeling guilty because they had to hurt someone, and they want to make sure they are ok. other reason, he said himself you felt "like friends" and...therefore...he's being your friend and asking if you're ok. it doesn't have anything to do with wanting you back. also, going "no contact" isn't going to push him away as you believe it will, he already pushed himself away. if he wants you, he'll chase you. right now he let you go, so YOU need to "go". 1
Sugarkane Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I completely agree with the person that said that some people just chase the honeymoon phase. I feel for you OP. I thought everything was fine aswell. Got completely out of the blue, no warning. Slept together the week before. If your ex gives up that easily, sounds like it's really their loss, not yours.
Author hurting1982 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 I just don't understand why he'd give up so easily. Was the relationship really that bad that it wasn't worth saving? I feel sick all thr time at the moment with worry and pain. I went through similar sort of emotions about a year ago and I don't think I can cope with it all again
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