MissBrunette84 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Eles and biscwa. I would give you my msn so if any of you ever wanted to talk at anytime I would be happy to listen as someone that understands where you are coming, that can help in anyway even if its just a tiny bit to get through the day. I'm just not sure on the rules here giving that info out, plus there is no private way to send it to you. Unless anyone can help with that?
Green Light Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 There are a lot of details that don't matter about my break up. It was a 5 year relationship. He ended it. He's interested in someone else. My friends say I'm lucky. My heart says I'm not. We are in our late 20's. We planned our whole futures together. I know all the advice by now... I know I need to move on, I know I need to stop trying to cling to the edges of his life (because yeah, he said, let's be friends). I know I need to not care about him or them or anything but moving on. I know it because everyone keeps telling me, and I get it. I know they are all right. What I really, really, really need is for someone to just understand that something can make perfect sense in your brain, and you still can't process it. That you can try, as hard as you can, and it still doesn't feel any better. That ten days into the break up, I still can't breathe, but it isn't for lack of TRYING. I just don't know HOW. And no one understands that. So not only have I lost the man I love, my best friend, the man I adored for 5 years and accepted so totally into my heart, but I have my friends - my wonderful, supportive, fantastic friends - telling me, just move on! And the fact that they just don't... UNDERSTAND... makes me feel so impossibly, terribly ALONE. I know they are right. But that doesn't help. There just needs to be someone who understands, because I can't take this. I understand completely because I am going through it as well. The wife and I have been separated for two months now and it looks like it's going to be permanent. I have been doing OK and trying to take care of myself. I'm going to set up a tour of a gym/spa this week that I'm thinking of joining. But there are times where I think about her and I just ache. I think about the past and I can't stop thinking about the good times. I think about how absolutely alone I feel. I am trying to "move on" but it is hard. There is no way to have a clean break from someone. It's a slow, slow process.
ChelleBelle08 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 you are not alone. I am here right now feeling the same thing. I have a wonderful life, career, family, friends and now they all feel insignificant just because i lost one person. I made this person my entire life and now they are gone in a matter of hours, with no looking back. i am a good person, well liked, spend most of my time caring for those who cant care for themselves yet i feel like im missing out. I want my time to come and i am impatient. I am not crying or moping around, i just feel like im living my life with a big chunk gone. I know it will get better, and i know i will find someone again but i wanted HIM. I am unfortunately comforted knowing you are out there and feel the same as me. I wish you weren't, I would not wish this on anyone, but im glad to not go through it alone. Despite this being online, i know i am not burdening people in my life with my issues.
ChelleBelle08 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 one of my friends who went through something similiar, told me her mom gave her advice that she did not follow and wished she did. Her mom put her in her room, and gave her 2 hours to cry. after that, she was not allowed to cry anymore. she was going to get up, move on, and go on with her life. after she talked to me and told me that, I gave myself till noon the next day, and i made the choice to no longer cry or waste time on him. I have kept my promise and i have been doing well, better than i expected actually. I am dwelling obviously talking online, but I have not since cried over him, or to my friends about him. It feels refreshing that i made this choice, and i am doing well with it.
Author eles83 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 So... he called me. Left a message. Nothing big. Just a, how is everything. And I am trying really hard to get this ridiculous grin off my face. WHY IS IT THERE. I am going to crash so hard. So, this is the first time he's initiated contact (after I had an intense meltdown when I recognized signs of wooing, I stopped trying to message him/tell him I love him/beg him to reconsider). But I didn't even do anything. Before I could respond, or think, or EXHALE, I felt this intense rush of elation and I don't know why but I'm trying to make it stop because I know this doesn't mean anything good. It could even mean something very bad. At least the rush has prevented me from dialing him, right? I'm way too busy trying to put a cap on my emotions. Follow up dose of reality: he used my name. He never uses my name. But he used my name, because that's who I am now - I don't get a pet name. Okay, smile: gone. Kind of. It's tapering off, anyway. Eles and biscwa. I would give you my msn so if any of you ever wanted to talk at anytime I would be happy to listen as someone that understands where you are coming, that can help in anyway even if its just a tiny bit to get through the day. I'm just not sure on the rules here giving that info out, plus there is no private way to send it to you If it isn't against the rules, I'd be happy to post my email, where the information could be exchanged more privately? I created the account just to register here, so I don't care if its released onto the internet forever. But I'd always be happy, as well, to listen to people who need an understanding ear. I cry every night in my bed like a little baby. In the morning I cry almost the first thing in the morning through my entire showering. I cry throughout the day, while walking on the street, sitting at my desk at work, in gym while during crunches, I cry when I smell ex's perfume on the street. It's uncontrollable, I don't know when it will come, one minute I'm functioning fine, the next minutes it just all pours out. This is an accurate description of my life. But, it has to get better. Doesn't it?! I think it must, but it feels like getting to the place where it does is going to kill me, first. Try not to think too much about the loss of your relationship - easier said than done, since you are desperate for answers. Perhaps the best answer might well be that he was afraid of a happy life with you; people can be seemingly as strange as that. I have been trying to take this advice. Its extremely hard for me to not just obsess over the details, but I'm starting small. I watched television today. That may seem like, not a big deal, but to be able to watch/enjoy a half hour sitcom is actually something that hasn't happened since 12 days ago. I think about the past and I can't stop thinking about the good time Me too. I know it will get better, and i know i will find someone again but i wanted HIM. I have said these exact words to people so many times the past couple weeks. You seem so strong and confident, though. I only sound like this when I get really mad (which sadly, is only a very small portion of the time). Thank you guys all, again.
HeavenOrHell Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I totally understand, lots of us understand and have been in your position, I took it very hard when my ex left after 18 years, 3 years ago. We thought we were together for life. It's not easy losing your best friend and life partner. Acceptance is very hard, because you don't want to accept you are losing them. Friends probably mean well, but it takes time to move on, you can't just click your fingers and it will all be ok, it takes time to process all the horrible emotions going around and around, it took 6 months of hell before I realised no-one could make things better for me and that I had to accept and it and rebuild my life. It is only 10 days on for you, you can't hurry grieving, you need to go through it before you can let go and move forward. You'll get there, be kind to yourself, let your friends be there for you, get support where you can. ((hugs)) There are a lot of details that don't matter about my break up. It was a 5 year relationship. He ended it. He's interested in someone else. My friends say I'm lucky. My heart says I'm not. We are in our late 20's. We planned our whole futures together. I know all the advice by now... I know I need to move on, I know I need to stop trying to cling to the edges of his life (because yeah, he said, let's be friends). I know I need to not care about him or them or anything but moving on. I know it because everyone keeps telling me, and I get it. I know they are all right. What I really, really, really need is for someone to just understand that something can make perfect sense in your brain, and you still can't process it. That you can try, as hard as you can, and it still doesn't feel any better. That ten days into the break up, I still can't breathe, but it isn't for lack of TRYING. I just don't know HOW. And no one understands that. So not only have I lost the man I love, my best friend, the man I adored for 5 years and accepted so totally into my heart, but I have my friends - my wonderful, supportive, fantastic friends - telling me, just move on! And the fact that they just don't... UNDERSTAND... makes me feel so impossibly, terribly ALONE. I know they are right. But that doesn't help. There just needs to be someone who understands, because I can't take this.
HeavenOrHell Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 >And I hate myself. I hate myself for not being good enough that he would keep loving me, I hate him for not loving me for all our lives like he promised to, and I hate her, because yeah, she's a few months into the end of her own marriage but she has all those family and friends to help lift her up, why does she have to take him too?! I don't have an extensive support group (I do have a small one whose affections I am taxing daily), and I needed him. He was my world. < I could have written this 3 years ago, I so know how this feels and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Keep posting here, let us know how you're doing. Trust me, you will come through it, my depression was very bad after he left, but I'm still here I even met someone else, which I never thought would happen, the thought of being with someone else repulsed me for several months. You do have a future, just different to the one you thought it would be, I know how that feels, big time. Don't give up, keep going, cos you're not going to let this destroy you.
Numb777 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I can totally relate to how you guys feel, my fiance out of the blue told me she isnt happy anymore (sadly she has depression) after 4 years. And left me 3 days ago. She said that I deserved somebody that can give me 100% of their love, the medication she takes really seems to make her pull into a shell and not very affectionate. I loved her more than I could ever imagine and poured my heart and soul into her. Bought a house cause thats what she wanted, also she was the one that was pushing to get engaged. I dont know what is wrong with me, but I cry everyday, I have a great support system with friends and family but none of it seems to matter. Not sure why I am typing this, I guess ,as horrible as it sounds, that there are other people that get blindsided like this makes me feel not so alone. I really am sick of this super sadness, then maby a 5mins spell of feeling numb... what gets me is that I am looking forward to the numb feeling. Sorry to everybody here, it really really sucks and its great how people on here support each other.
trist Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 eles83, to be totally honest with you, just reading your posts, you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for... first off, FIVE years is a long time to spend with anyone, it's naturally going to take a long time to heal and forget... forget at least the pain... entirely up to you if you choose to forgive him at some point... so all the emotions that you are running through now, it's completely natural and you're honestly handling it better than the average... however, i would like to say, as simple as it may sound, it's better now than before you accomplished your future plans... imagine if it had been another 5 years from now, a house, a mortgage, minivan (barf) dog, gerbil, goldfish, 2 kids and a membership at the PTA... (for those not in america, PTA = Parent Teacher Association, lol) far better now than later where there is more people impacted and much more obstacles to overcome... a career as a blogger/writer could also possibly be in the cards for you... =P
Author eles83 Posted May 14, 2012 Author Posted May 14, 2012 Another bad night! The nights are always more terrible than the afternoon! I totally understand, lots of us understand and have been in your position, I took it very hard when my ex left after 18 years, 3 years ago. We thought we were together for life. It's not easy losing your best friend and life partner. Acceptance is very hard, because you don't want to accept you are losing them. I can't even imagine living through that. I don't even know if I can handle this, and it was way less than 18 years. You clearly have a lot of strength!! I'm glad that you have recovered - it gives me a kind of distant hope. Not sure why I am typing this, I guess ,as horrible as it sounds, that there are other people that get blindsided like this makes me feel not so alone. No, that has been the one thing that I have come to realize the past couple of days. It means EVERYTHING to be able to tell someone who understands. People here get it in a way that so many understanding, kind and thoughtful friends just can't. And at least, if we have to go through this, we can turn it into something a little better by bringing each other comfort. you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for... first off, FIVE years is a long time to spend with anyone, it's naturally going to take a long time to heal and forget... forget at least the pain... entirely up to you if you choose to forgive him at some point... so all the emotions that you are running through now, it's completely natural and you're honestly handling it better than the average... Thank you. I certainly don't feel strong (it's hard to feel that way in the fetal position), but thank you. I know you're probably right about the future being not-established. It's just so hard to accept that right now, when I feel like the relationship has ended and left me with nothing. a career as a blogger/writer could also possibly be in the cards for you... =P LOL. Thanks!
trist Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 yeah the nights are worse, it's also "normal"... as much as you don't think it's positives, you have a lot of positives in this unfortunate incident... 1. the biggest thing people lose sleep over is; is there someone else?? you already know the answer, so believe it or not, it helps with the healing and closure... 2. your fan base / support system... some people don't have one... 3. again, you're a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for, fetal position or not... and 4. you've got a good head on your shoulders, and in the end, it's going to be his loss not yours when someone more deserving comes along and swoops in right under him... now, as for sleeping, i'm assuming you are in the states?? there's a drink, you can get it anywhere, it's called Neuro-Bliss or something like that... orange bottle, but it knocks me out... i wish i could remember the name, but gelson's carries it, most grocery stores or even 7-11... it's really just the melatonin in there, but that should do the trick... depending on your size, i'd say half a bottle??
MissBrunette84 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I wonder if you can get that on the UK... it's 7am here and I've been awake since 4 it sucks majorly. I will put my msn email in my profile if you would like to add me eles, will leave it there for a day or so as like you I can't see another way to send it
trist Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 clear your mind when you lay for bed... take a nice long hot shower / bath, read a little or watch some tv... what usually puts me to sleep is if i write something... on the cell phone... that usually does the trick for me, even if it's not an e-mail directed at anyone, just the typing itself... type your thoughts down, i guarantee you somewhere along the way you will doze off with the phone in your hand... or look for the neuro-sleep drink...
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 Russian on bridge of love???? Troll under bridge of scam, more like! Urgh!!
biscwa Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I think a few of us here are in the same boat at the same time, I'm on my day 13. Let's make a promise to check back here and update each other how we're doing, say in 1 month, 3 month... I can't wait to get there. 1
Tree_Salmon Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 I think a few of us here are in the same boat at the same time, I'm on my day 13. Let's make a promise to check back here and update each other how we're doing, say in 1 month, 3 month... I can't wait to get there. We are all here and we should keep each other updated. It is all true. If you told me 3-5 years ago that i would be here right now posting about a new breakup I would laugh at you. She would probably laugh harder. There was no doubt in our minda that we were going to be "it" for life. But here we are. People change. As much as it hurts now, it really was the best 4 years of my life, and for that I am truly grateful to have been alive to see it. Hopefully I'll be grateful to be out of it in a few months. 1
MissBrunette84 Posted May 14, 2012 Posted May 14, 2012 If anyone else wants to add my msn its in my profile, but state to me you're from LS. I am all ears for anyone that wants one. I'll take my contact info off shortly though as don't want to leave it there.
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