eles83 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 There are a lot of details that don't matter about my break up. It was a 5 year relationship. He ended it. He's interested in someone else. My friends say I'm lucky. My heart says I'm not. We are in our late 20's. We planned our whole futures together. I know all the advice by now... I know I need to move on, I know I need to stop trying to cling to the edges of his life (because yeah, he said, let's be friends). I know I need to not care about him or them or anything but moving on. I know it because everyone keeps telling me, and I get it. I know they are all right. What I really, really, really need is for someone to just understand that something can make perfect sense in your brain, and you still can't process it. That you can try, as hard as you can, and it still doesn't feel any better. That ten days into the break up, I still can't breathe, but it isn't for lack of TRYING. I just don't know HOW. And no one understands that. So not only have I lost the man I love, my best friend, the man I adored for 5 years and accepted so totally into my heart, but I have my friends - my wonderful, supportive, fantastic friends - telling me, just move on! And the fact that they just don't... UNDERSTAND... makes me feel so impossibly, terribly ALONE. I know they are right. But that doesn't help. There just needs to be someone who understands, because I can't take this.
crazylove Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I'm sorry you're going through this, and the old cliche, time heals everything comes as standard. But it will take a long time, it's ot something you can just get over overnight unfortunately. Post on here instead of contacting...you can't be friends if you still have feelings. Do you have many friends you could go out with and keep yourself busy? 1
nanbullen Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I hate when my friends say i'm better off without him, or that they told me so. That is SO not helpful. You're better off just posting here. Unfortunately, there's nothing anybody can say or to make you feel better. Believe me, I've tried. You can't make yourself stop loving someone, the heart wants what it wants. All you can really do is take it one day or one hour or a minute at a time. You're going to have to grieve for your relationship. There is no other way. I'm so sorry, I understand how terrible and hopeless you feel right now. *hugs* 1
fificremefarben Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 There are a lot of details that don't matter about my break up. It was a 5 year relationship. He ended it. He's interested in someone else. My friends say I'm lucky. My heart says I'm not. We are in our late 20's. We planned our whole futures together. I know all the advice by now... I know I need to move on, I know I need to stop trying to cling to the edges of his life (because yeah, he said, let's be friends). I know I need to not care about him or them or anything but moving on. I know it because everyone keeps telling me, and I get it. I know they are all right. What I really, really, really need is for someone to just understand that something can make perfect sense in your brain, and you still can't process it. That you can try, as hard as you can, and it still doesn't feel any better. That ten days into the break up, I still can't breathe, but it isn't for lack of TRYING. I just don't know HOW. And no one understands that. So not only have I lost the man I love, my best friend, the man I adored for 5 years and accepted so totally into my heart, but I have my friends - my wonderful, supportive, fantastic friends - telling me, just move on! And the fact that they just don't... UNDERSTAND... makes me feel so impossibly, terribly ALONE. I know they are right. But that doesn't help. There just needs to be someone who understands, because I can't take this. Aw, eles, my heart absolutely broke for you while I was reading your post. Brought it all back to me. There is nothing worse than the immediate aftermath of a breakup. Nothing makes sense. You simply can't understand how someone claimed to love you for so long and then just didn't anymore. My friends were the same. They kept telling me from 2 months after my BU (4 year relationship, cheated on with/left for someone else) that it was time to move on. I know they just wanted me to feel better, but it's not that simple. You'll only move on when you move on. You can't force it or you won't heal properly. Yes, there are things you can do to avoid prolonging the pain (e.g NC) but, generally, it'll take as long as it takes. Simple as. That's why I came to loveshack. The people here know better than anyone else what you're going through. What they say about time is true, but I imagine there's no point in telling you that right now because, in the immediate aftermath, it will be falling on deaf ears. You can't imagine how you will ever feel better after being SO hurt. I felt exactly the same.All I will say is don't keep it bottled up. Unleash any little rants/questions/musings here on loveshack. It'll help xx
black_shemer Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 ,were in the same situation.its really really hard being in that kind of relationship.people advice me to stop chasing my ex since he did not deserved me and i should keep myself busy.i feel you.but im sorry me too really dont know what to do.i just wnt u to know ur not d only one on d earth having dis kind of situation.i wish i could help u one way or another but i cnt even help myself:(
Author eles83 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 I have to say, it was nice to wake up after my new normal sleep time of 3 hours and see that people had replied and understood. Usually everyone is asleep right now, so there's no one to message or talk to at all. I'm still crying myself into a headache, but at least I'm not sending him frantic messages, I guess. So, some detail: I had written my post earlier after blowing up at a friend who didn't deserve it. She has been listening to me word vomit my pain for a week and a half and been completely kind about it, and then she said, maybe you need to not care what he is doing, and I just. Had a meltdown. Because I'm TRYING. Some more detail: My ex (I hate that word) broke up with me using the, it's not you, it's me! Not in those words, but he said he needed to repair his life, that if he didn't do it now he never would and that he loved me, but he wasn't in love with me, that he couldn't love anyone while he was in such a low place that he was unhappy with himself. And, I was devastated but he has had some issues that require working on. Well, fast forward a week and a half and he is wooing this girl and I see it on FB. It just broke my heart all over again, because it's only been a week and a half! And it only proves that it wasn't about fixing himself, it was about ME, that I wasn't... good enough, I guess. He saw better options. He was my best friend for five years! And I'm not a very open person. I don't relate well to people, especially irl. But he's always had an ability to just get to me, and it used to be a good thing, but now that he doesn't love me and wants someone else, it's so very, very bad. I can't eat anymore. I barely sleep. I break down crying at work and lie about how my allergies are acting up. I get really bad chest pain that I believe is anxiety but feels like when someone kicks you in the chest. All my friends live out of town and are happily settled down/married or else have never maintained a long term relationship. He's falling for her and I can't even breathe. Literally, sometimes there's a 10 second pause where I just can't breathe. The other day my sister threw up on me and I went to go change because there was vomit on my clothes and I just ended up sitting there like that for the next twenty minutes, staring at the bathroom sink. I literally can feel no joy in anything, but I fake it for the outside world. I use exclamation marks! And smiley faces . And in person, I smile with my actual face which takes even more effort. And I hate myself. I hate myself for not being good enough that he would keep loving me, I hate him for not loving me for all our lives like he promised to, and I hate her, because yeah, she's a few months into the end of her own marriage but she has all those family and friends to help lift her up, why does she have to take him too?! I don't have an extensive support group (I do have a small one whose affections I am taxing daily), and I needed him. He was my world. The only achievements I have managed is to unfriend her so I can't see the evidence of his being charming and kind, like a stupid White Knight, and to stop begging him to take me back. I just. I can't believe that this is my life. We were supposed to get married. We were supposed to live happily ever after. I'm not supposed to be on my computer at 3:00 am in tears and pain that never go away.
Author eles83 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 I just realized I typed all of that and then, in true me of the moment fashion, forgot to say thank you. Thank you, thank you, to everyone who replied. You all made me feel at least temporarily not so very alone. So thank you. 1
MissBrunette84 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I feel exactly the same, I was with my boyfriend almost 4 years, granted it was on and off towards the end. I'm 12 days in and feel absolutely awful, I hope it does get better. You don't have to feel like you should be moving on and forget, because its not how you feel. I wish we could all have some kind of magic that would take the pain away. Just post here, I have, I'm not the kind of person to tell the world out loud and feel like I might have people rolling their eyes at me or thinking I'm a dork for what I'm posting but the bottom line is it helps. Everyone is here for the same reason as I see it. We'll all be here if you need to vent. It'll be ok
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I haven't felt like this since I was 21, in physical pain and like curling up around it in a foetal ball and rocking. All I can say is, firstly it helps a bit to know we are not totally alone after all, and secondly, nothing lasts forever and never has done. So this isn't going to be the first!
MissBrunette84 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Also the fact he's rushing into this so called realtionship with another woman so quickly it might not even last out, I don't want to put any false hope there but regardless of how he feels, you can't forget 5 years in 5 minutes no matter how much you don't care. Memories just don't disappear.
Own Worst Enemy Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Either they end up comparing the newbie to their ex and realising how much dating someone new makes them feel about their own flaws etc, which the ex loved anyway. It can be a big wakeup call. OR they have gotten so comfortable in a relationship that they just marry the next one! As there is no way of knowing which it will be, the best thing you can do is try (and I am nowhere near practising what I preach, believe me) is to take the advice from "it's called a break-up because it's broken"..... He's dating someone else, and it's Heidi Klum. Now deal with it. The main thing to try and hold onto is that you just have to do whatever it takes to get through this stage. Eventually it won't matter. I hope???!
d'Arthez Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 He probably does not even really realize what he has done, and what he is doing. In all likelihood he does not understand his motives either. I know that is hardly helpful to you. It is really him. Not you but him. Exhibit A: the lines he used to break up with you. If someone says: "it's not you, it's me", believe them. They have no clue whatsoever what is going on. Exhibit B: his wooing of this other girl. As tempting as it is, you are better off not following on facebook, and keeping contact to an absolute minimum. The reminders of what once was will only give your more grief. It will take some serious time to make your peace with the situation. It is natural to hate yourself for a bit, since you are taking the blame for his issues. Undoubtedly you have made mistakes (eg. making him your world), but you'll learn. Time does not heal the wounds, but when you understand what has happened (and the heart is slower than the mind), you'll be fine. At the current moment, talk of a distant future is not really helpful, and you should focus on the daily grind, and find ways for yourself not to be reminded constantly of what once was. Try to spend time with supportive friends, pick up a neglected interest, redecorate your home.
black_shemer Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 ,thinking everyday like what was he doing,did he miss me?makes me feel really curious.i mean just like ur ex,if they told us its not you,its me than y d hell so fast dey wnt to have another girl in their life.i wnt to understand him but i just cant.i really have been a good gf to him.and d fact i am more pretty dan his someone else(hey dat's true!!)well not eating,less sleep,acting abnormal sometimes are just normal actions of a heartbroken person but i should remind u dat is bad for ur health.i guess d best revenge is to make urself more beautiful so dat one day if he met u,he will regret d day he dumped you.make sense?
jennisfora Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 i feel your pain, and can relate. i am some months on so, perhaps what i say may help you. my breakup was in january, and i did a month of nc, after attempting Lc which got me nowhere, just kept me in the grieving stage. it took a while, but i now feel almost normal. i had to go through a griefstricken period, and an angry period, then a period where i was shifting between the extremes randomly, or it seemed randomly. and the triggers were everywhere. every white truck made me think of him. now, i can see white trucks and not try to see who is driving. i am in, but i feel like i am coming out of a phase where i am emotionless, drained. i think my mind just said, okay, can't handle any more trauma, shutting down that part of the brain, lol. but, i feel more like myself. you will get there. unfortunately, you have to go through the pain, and process it. i thought i would marry my guy too, in fact i had no doubts, we were together for a little over a year before he suddenly wanted to be "just friends." i was like what? no, i can;t transition like that, the previous night we were together as lovers, the next morning he wants to be friends.. guess what i am saying is many of us have been through this, and have survived to get to the other side. if you feel you need therapy, counseling or medication to help you, seek it out. *hugs*
Author eles83 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 You guys are great. If it is possible it be both sad that other people have felt this awful pain and also glad that you aren't the only one, I definitely am. After my accidental blow-up at my friend, I have been avoiding everyone who knows. So it's more bottled-up inside of me, but also less intrusive on everyone else on my contact list. Ugh. I hate this. I HATE THIS. I wish it seemed like a rebound relationship that would end shortly. But they're all interconnected - she's like a sister to his brother in law, and it's all very cute and convenient and everyone in his family is going to think it's perfect how they are all extra related now and I'm probably a few weeks away from creating a terrible, terrible crime of passion. He won't leave her, because she has kids and he has a soft spot for abandoned children (abandoned people, really). All I can think are awful, depressing thoughts. How they are going to live happily ever after and how her little daughter is going to call him Daddy. How he will soon have a happy little family with a wife and a kid and a dog, everything that I wanted to have with him, except he will have it with someone else. And I am consumed with such ridiculous regret. It was my decision to not be married earlier, to not have children yet. I wanted to make sure we were financially stable; I was afraid of not being able to provide for them. I thought we were finally about at a place where we could have those things. What an awful choice that was. I defriended her, which makes me glad, because I can't settle any morbid curiosities even if I wanted to. Thank you all, again. It does help to not be alone, to tell people who are feeling the same feelings I am and not trying to comfort me from the comfort of their loving, ridiculously successful marriage. *hugs you all* i really have been a good gf to him.and d fact i am more pretty dan his someone else(hey dat's true!!)well not eating,less sleep,acting abnormal sometimes are just normal actions of a heartbroken person but i should remind u dat is bad for ur health.i guess d best revenge is to make urself more beautiful so dat one day if he met u,he will regret d day he dumped you.make sense? If you're like me, you've been the best dang girlfriend you know how to be, and there is no real answer that makes sense as to why this is happening now. He's dating someone else, and it's Heidi Klum. Now deal with it lol, I wish he was dating Heidi Klum. Because at least then I wouldn't have to ask "why."
MissBrunette84 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I can't stress enough how much you are not alone in how you feel, I'm on day 12 it sucks, sucks major ass still crying and feeling generally like rubbish. I think my ex is seeing someone else too so it's really hard. I know you think it's all perfect for them in your head, but no relationship is perfect, I know it doesn't help much but big hugs
nanbullen Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 After my accidental blow-up at my friend, I have been avoiding everyone who knows. So it's more bottled-up inside of me, but also less intrusive on everyone else on my contact list. Ugh. I hate this. I HATE THIS. I wish it seemed like a rebound relationship that would end shortly. But they're all interconnected - she's like a sister to his brother in law, and it's all very cute and convenient and everyone in his family is going to think it's perfect how they are all extra related now and I'm probably a few weeks away from creating a terrible, terrible crime of passion. He won't leave her, because she has kids and he has a soft spot for abandoned children (abandoned people, really). All I can think are awful, depressing thoughts. How they are going to live happily ever after and how her little daughter is going to call him Daddy. How he will soon have a happy little family with a wife and a kid and a dog, everything that I wanted to have with him, except he will have it with someone else. And I am consumed with such ridiculous regret. It was my decision to not be married earlier, to not have children yet. I wanted to make sure we were financially stable; I was afraid of not being able to provide for them. I thought we were finally about at a place where we could have those things. What an awful choice that was. yeah but didn't you say she was in the middle of getting a divorce? He's probably a rebound for her. Not trying to give you false hope. If he left you for someone once, he'll probably do it again. I'm just saying karma is a b***h.
Boynextdoor Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 I hear and feel you. I've heard that kind of crap 3-4 weeks ago and another a week ago. Well this thing "Its not you, Its me thing" has different meaning yet the only person that can answer that is really the one who said it. Well, My ex gf told that to me when we had our break up 3-4 weeks ago. I dealt with all the phasing denial stage, self-pitty stage, acceptance (in the process of doing so), Moving on (together with acceptance and getting stronger daily). Well, basically with my stay here in loveshack and the way I understand it when it was said to me. Everything has something to do with themselves meaning dealing with their own issues. In my experience I was my ex gf's support group. really I played almost all the role that she can think off. Bf,textmate,tootmate,bandmate,dancemate (even though we suck at it literally.), father (eventhough she has her own at home), mother (likewise has one at home),sister (likewise has one at home), brother (likewise has one at home), all the roles that you can think off and most of all her best CRITIC. Up until we had this very small argument that resulted to this. Well, she felt like I abandoned her since she is tied up with all the crap things in life and I was the only one who does all the deeds of listening giving advice but then we tend to be preoccupied as well. Its normal we have other things to deal with in life. Would you imagine she even told me I was her "LIFE" and I took it away from her. I've been trying to play all the roles and forgot to deal with myself as well. So basically the only thing that can help them really is themselves. I feel sorry that you're going through this. What hurts is that the way of them trying to find out themselves and up to what cost? right? But time will come that everything will come into their senses, or sadly no. Your job now is to help yourself. You'll get through the process really. I know you can. 1st phase - denial 2nd phase - self pitty 3rd phase - acceptance 4th phase - moving on you cannot push yourself to jump to phase 4. Or when you're in phase 4 you'll just want to forget. You'll learn each and every phase little by little. You wouldnt even realize you're already in it. Time will do the trick to all of this. Time will come you'll get tired of that feeling and just grow. When that time comes you'll see the big picture. If they come back.. well, well and good for you if you still feel so.. If they dont always remember its their LOSS not yours. Smile! )
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 There are a lot of details that don't matter about my break up. It was a 5 year relationship. He ended it. He's interested in someone else. My friends say I'm lucky. My heart says I'm not. We are in our late 20's. We planned our whole futures together. I know all the advice by now... I know I need to move on, I know I need to stop trying to cling to the edges of his life (because yeah, he said, let's be friends). I know I need to not care about him or them or anything but moving on. I know it because everyone keeps telling me, and I get it. I know they are all right. What I really, really, really need is for someone to just understand that something can make perfect sense in your brain, and you still can't process it. That you can try, as hard as you can, and it still doesn't feel any better. That ten days into the break up, I still can't breathe, but it isn't for lack of TRYING. I just don't know HOW. And no one understands that. So not only have I lost the man I love, my best friend, the man I adored for 5 years and accepted so totally into my heart, but I have my friends - my wonderful, supportive, fantastic friends - telling me, just move on! And the fact that they just don't... UNDERSTAND... makes me feel so impossibly, terribly ALONE. I know they are right. But that doesn't help. There just needs to be someone who understands, because I can't take this. You are not alone. I still hurt terribly 6 months after a 10 year relationship. It is the pain that, while not physical, really, really hurts. It is your heart being ripped out and it hurts so much, and knowing that they don't care or even enjoy that you are in pain, it hurts even more. They cut you out of your life, take on the stance that you don't exist, except to take opportunities to hurt you. Just remember, you are not alone. There are many of us who are feeling the same pain you are. I know it is unbearable and unfathomable, but please, take an active stance to forget them. What I mean by that is to accept the fact that they are never going to come back, ever, if that is in fact the case. Even if it is not, you still have to be prepared for that. My ex haunts me almost everyday, still to this day, but as time has gone on, that has lessened. There is a lot of BS slung around here, but really, time and acceptance will lessen the blow, and I stress acceptance. It will lessen over time, no matter how long it takes. And if an opportunity to meet someone new arises that you are interested in, do not let the memory of your ex intefere with that. We only live once, and a short lifetime at that, so don't pass something up because "you are not ready," by all means do that, but consider it carefully - hindsight is not available for purchase in this life.
Author eles83 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 I sense I'm going to post on here too often and annoy everyone. Whee! It's getting late again today, and I can't sleep. Too many emotions, too much frustration and sadness and thinking: he's having so much fun. How super great. I'm trying to be distracted. I'm chatting with a friend, and attempting to watch a movie. Why can't I stop making people feel awkward?! It's so hard to just wrap my brain around. Three weeks ago, I thought he loved me and would keep on loving me. How is this my life?! It is so unfair and just CRUEL of life to take him away from me. And once again I am at the brink of being mean to someone who has been kind to me and patient with my ramblings. Okay: semi ridiculous but incredibly painful side note: as I mentioned a few boxes ago, it was my choice to not move much faster. Though, to be fair, he agreed with me. He said it was really important to him to be able to take care of a family. That made sense; it was part of what I loved about him. So we didn't have a family. We waited. But somewhere along the line, I reached a point where I really, really wanted a baby. So I feel strongly that not only have I lost the man I love, but my baby too. And I say that, and I guess it sounds crazy because everyone is like, er. It probably sounds crazy to you guys, too, but it just feels so painful to me. This is part of why it hurts even MORE than now he can go and play daddy and have more kids and it's my own dang fault that I am here alone. I really, really, really want to message him right now. But I am here, posting, instead. I know that he didn't do right by me. I mean, love aside, he didn't even break up with me in person. After five years. We lived together for years! I'm pretty sure he wasn't even alone in the room. And after so long together, he shouldn't have let himself get so close to her (we were temporarily long distance while we arranged a move). I feel so strongly that it was easy to get distracted while I was here and he was there, but that wasn't right. I know this! But if he called me up right now and said, wow. I have made such a terrible mistake, I wouldn't hesitate to take him back. Ugh! Why I am so deeply in love with a man who is so not in love with me! Why am I awake in what is rapidly becoming the middle of the night? Why am I so dumb! afklsdjfaksdjf;alksdj;flaksdjf;kajsdfkajdlfkajdslkfajsdlkfja;sdkfja;ksdfja;ksdjfas <- sometimes a keyboard smash is the closest I get to expressing the inexpressible pain. I know you think it's all perfect for them in your head, but no relationship is perfect, I know it doesn't help much but big hugs It does help, thank you. I'm sorry you're in this boat with me. I wish we were both on some kind of super cruise yacht. I think I just remember how amazing he can be when he turns on the charm. It would all be much easier if he would have just, like. Been a complete creep. He's probably a rebound for her. Not trying to give you false hope. If he left you for someone once, he'll probably do it again. I'm just saying karma is a b***h. *sigh* I'm ashamed to say how many times I have thought, AND I HOPE SHE LEAVES HIM. mfmdnfafgskdfgd. I'm in worse case scenario mode (since this is pretty worst case scenario in general) but I feel like she's the type of person who won't. She has kids and its hard being a single mom and he. He's the kind of guy you don't think is real. Because he remembers every detail about you and he never, ever looks at another girl while you're in the room and he does things like driving 8 hours to spend 4 hours with you like it was a drive down the street. And it's all perfect until five years down the road he tells you he needs to work on himself and really means, be someone else's hero. you cannot push yourself to jump to phase 4. Or when you're in phase 4 you'll just want to forget. You'll learn each and every phase little by little. You wouldnt even realize you're already in it. Time will do the trick to all of this. Time will come you'll get tired of that feeling and just grow. I wish I could push myself. I thought I was skipping through the different phases, until yesterday when we were briefly texting (prior to me realizing how fast he was moving on) and without even trying, my brain played out these perfect scenarios about how it could all turn around and I realized I haven't even accepted that he isn't going to change his mind. This is why I haven't texted today. I'm trying to make it register that he only responds because he feels bad for me. Not love, but pity. How am I living in a world where he pities me?!
d'Arthez Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Cut all contact. This is not working for you. Though the baby was never factually conceived, it was part of your imagined future together, so in that respect you have lost the child you probably yearned for (as I am a man, I cannot wholly relate to the thoughts since I can never even experience giving birth). It is not your fault that he left you. Only a fool does not know what he has thrown away. It is really hard to say what motivated him to do these things, but in the long run it is inconsequential. He left you. As puzzling as it is, he left you. The human mind yearns for answers, and you have been wracking your brain over all these questions - when in truth no one knows the answers. He certainly cannot provide you the answers, since he has limited (if any) awareness of what is going on himself. He just lives without giving a thought to the consequences for you. Nothing is more frustrating than looking for answers when none can be had. Try not to think too much about the loss of your relationship - easier said than done, since you are desperate for answers. Perhaps the best answer might well be that he was afraid of a happy life with you; people can be seemingly as strange as that. Try to get some sleep in. Arrange to meet up with your friends, spend time doing things you like.
biscwa Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 ... All I can think are awful, depressing thoughts. How they are going to live happily ever after and how her little daughter is going to call him Daddy. How he will soon have a happy little family with a wife and a kid and a dog, everything that I wanted to have with him, except he will have it with someone else. And I am consumed with such ridiculous regret. It was my decision to not be married earlier, to not have children yet. I wanted to make sure we were financially stable; I was afraid of not being able to provide for them. I thought we were finally about at a place where we could have those things. What an awful choice that was. ... this is exactly how I'm feeling. I have all these family plan in my mind with her. Than Ex gf left me and immediately got pregnant... I cry every night in my bed like a little baby. In the morning I cry almost the first thing in the morning through my entire showering. I cry throughout the day, while walking on the street, sitting at my desk at work, in gym while during crunches, I cry when I smell ex's perfume on the street. It's uncontrollable, I don't know when it will come, one minute I'm functioning fine, the next minutes it just all pours out. I'm avoiding all romance songs and movies. I won't look at any happy couples in the streets.
biscwa Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 ... 1st phase - denial 2nd phase - self pitty 3rd phase - acceptance 4th phase - moving on ... how long will these phases last? Right now i'm feeling like it's eternal!
MissBrunette84 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 It's such a hard process, does help I think to talk it out even if you repeat yourself a billion times over. I'm only 2 weeks in so I don't know how long the pain will last but I'm hoping not much longer as my life is just so disrupted. It's not for trying but like the previous poster the crying is uncontrollable and awful.
ChelleBelle08 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Your post is heartbreaking...you are not alone. I have been through many breakups...I know i will get better but everytime it happens i feel i have to start all over again. In regards to your friends. I have beaten mine to death over men. They understand and they love you, they will never leave you and will come back. Mine as well are married, and living all over the country. I only have phone contact with them most of the time. I am sad that i am smart, attractive, caring, successful and independent, but can find no one to love me unconditionally! You seem the same. Take comfort in knowing there are others out there like you and that you are not alone. I can not change my career, my success or my brains to find a man to appreciate all i have to offer. I just know there are wonderful guys out there for us that will never leave us and are out there looking for us right now. As for new relationships, that is a lot of baggage for him to handle. She unfortunately is a rebound, with a lot of strings attached. Guys handle bad feelings on their own..they don't usually talk about it or show they are affected. they are more easily distracted and more able to make it seem that nothing is bothering them. He is hurting...he is hurting so bad he found someone to replace you. I may have been that "replacement" or "distraction" to my ex, but there was years of time between their breakup not as short as this. Keep using smileys, and keep smiling in real life...eventually you will convince yourself of it.....I keep being asked how i am handling this so well, and am smiling when i talk about it. because i am a happy person, i have a lot of things to live for despite having a huge part of my life still missing. Smiling is what i do and who i am, and someday someone will love me for it!
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