nadine5 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I broke up with my doting boyfriend of 3.5 years last Saturday, because I'm not in love with him and I never was. He's a great person. It's not like I think I could do better, because I don't think I could. He's handsome and kind and wonderful. He deserves to have someone who loves him dearly. I feel awful. According to his friends, he hasn't gone to work all week, and he has gotten drunk every night. Every time I text him to see how he is, he asks me if I "know what I want yet". I told him if he wanted to see other people, he could. I'm not seeing other people. I really needed some space. I took some clothes to my mom's house and I've been living here. I feel so much better. Now that I've had some space from him, I realize that I don't want to be with him at all. This sounds terrible, but I haven't had any problems sleeping, I didn't cry once, I feel completely normal. Actually, I feel pretty great. Of course, I wouldn't tell him that. I also cut all of our mutual friends out, because I feel they are toxic. There was one in particular, my boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend, who I would be happy to never see again. She tried to text me all last week, and I ignored her. I plan on not speaking to her again. The only thing I'm worried about is my (ex) boyfriend. I worry about his job, and how he's sleeping, and that he's getting drunk. I can't be with him just because I feel sorry for him, though. I still love him, but I'm not in love with him at all. I'm planning on taking the dreaded trip back to our apartment on Sunday to talk to him. What should I say? I want to put this gently, but I want to move out. I don't want to devastate him. I still want him in my life but I can understand if he doesn't want me in his. How should I approach this?
Steelrain322 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 "because I'm not in love with him and I never was." "I still love him, but I'm not in love with him at all." Wtf? 1
Follower Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Well i hate to break it to you but there is nothing you can do or say that wont devastate him and if i'm brutally honest you already have. If you dont love him enough to spend your life with him then at least do him the curtousy of banishing any and all hope of ever seeing him again. To keep someone that clearly wants so much for and with you in your life would be cruel and selfish. Go for the jugular do it quick and painless as possible get your stuff out of the apartment and do it SOONER rather than LATER you are forcing him to live in a permanent reminder of your relationship and of you.... I apologies for how that all comes across but my recent ex-fiance did the same **** you are doing.
PainsChains Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I'm planning on taking the dreaded trip back to our apartment on Sunday to talk to him. What should I say?? If I were you I'd just tell him the truth. That your Satan. He'll figure that out himself over the hellish months to come, but you might as well just pitch the fork at him rather than feed him any bs with it.
Chi townD Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 (edited) I still want him in my life but I can understand if he doesn't want me in his. How should I approach this? You have no right to ask him to be in your life. Why? you made it pretty clear in your post that you feel so much better without him. Why would you want him around and filling him with false hope? Look, I don't know you and I don't know what your relationship with your Ex was. All I know is what you've posted and it's sounds like he is completely crushed and unable to function, while you are so much better since you've left. Why would you want him around? And you kind of gave yourself away. You told us that you love him but you're not IN love with him.....so.....who's the other guy? OPPS!!! I'm sorry, you come back and tell me there's no one else.............okay. Edited May 12, 2012 by Chi townD
Glove_slap Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 You are not cold hearted, just very young, stupid and confused. Have some empathy and try to put yourself in his shoes, what would you do if someone did these things to you? Act on these thoughts instead of mindlessly pursuing your own interests. People have their entire lives ruined because of situations like theses, they cannot trust others, they cannot love others and they just simply cannot enjoy life, why? because these types of situations are truly traumatizing. Just try to organize what you want before acting impulsively because you leave him hanging without any answers and that's really the worst. Do what you want but have some empathy.
BCCA Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 What youre doing is very cruel and could very well destroy this young man, especially if youre selfish enough to try and keep him in your life, knowing that youre crushing his hear over and over every time youre in contact with him. Youve got to tell him that youre leaving for good, there is no chance youll be back together, and that he should move on with his life. You owe him that truth, you cant say some BS that doesnt sound harsh when what Ive just said is what ends up happening. Youre not in love with him, and never were, which means you ARE going to be looking for someone else, and do you think hes going to want to be anywhere near you when that happens? Dont do that to him. I'll level with you, my ex did this kind of stuff to me, and I went from a 6 figure job, my own apartment, new car, and 8-9k in the bank at any given time, to unemployed and addicted to pain pills, and even now that Ive beaten the addiction, I dont trust people, especially women - no offense to anyone, I isolate myself so that people cant hurt me, and Im emotionally scarred big time. I dont think Ill ever be able to open myself up to another woman, Im too worried about what they could do, and I dont know if I could go through that again, being lied to and led on by a selfish person who broke my heart over and over, and never told me anything but lies. Got my hopes up, which you WILL do even with a text or a call, only to smash them down again. I litterally tried to kill myself, and luckily had someone stop me at the last second. You need to get your stuff, and yourself, out of his life as quickly as possible, tell him its over for good, and NEVER bother the poor guy again. End this whole charade as fast as humanly possible. Oh, and think about what youre doing next time. 3.5 years and you never loved him? Thats a LOT of lying, and he's going to be the one suffering for it, you know - since youre 'happy, not losing any sleep' and all...must be nice. Not trying to be a total jerk, but what you did is REALLY messed up. How would you feel if that happened to you?
Recommended Posts