huskers11 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 So the past week or so I've felt disconnected from my boyfriend after we had our first hiccup. Basically I got angry at him and kicked him out of my apt and he felt like an ass for it. Then I got mad at him when I was drunk and almost broke up with him over texting. Well the next day(yesterday) I was super confused and not sure if I wanted to be with him or if I even had feelings for him. Well I was upfront and honest about all of this with him and he was glad I told him and he was very understanding. Well finally last night, I realized I for sure wanted to be with him and told him all this. Since he seems kind of stand offish and it doesn't feel quite right.. He's told me in the past that I scare him.. So did all this scare him? Do I just need to give him time/space and earn back his trust again? I'm just not sure if this means anything.. What are your opinions, especially the guys out there?
SJC2008 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 So the past week or so I've felt disconnected from my boyfriend after we had our first hiccup. Basically I got angry at him and kicked him out of my apt and he felt like an ass for it. Then I got mad at him when I was drunk and almost broke up with him over texting. Well the next day(yesterday) I was super confused and not sure if I wanted to be with him or if I even had feelings for him. Well I was upfront and honest about all of this with him and he was glad I told him and he was very understanding. Well finally last night, I realized I for sure wanted to be with him and told him all this. Since he seems kind of stand offish and it doesn't feel quite right.. He's told me in the past that I scare him.. So did all this scare him? Do I just need to give him time/space and earn back his trust again? I'm just not sure if this means anything.. What are your opinions, especially the guys out there? Well if haven't been sure lately if you have feelings for him I'm sure it would show in your behavior when you are around him so he's probably picked up on that IMO. How have you scared him? Now when you told you want to be with him did you tell him you questioned your feelings for him? If so he may be hurt over it and may be walking on eggshells if you will.
Quiet Storm Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 He probably thinks you're a drama queen. Figure out what you want and stick with it. 1
Woggle Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 You planted that seed of doubt in his head and once that is there things are almost never the same with a man. This is why I tell women never threaten a break up or divorce unless you truly mean it. 3
Author huskers11 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 You planted that seed of doubt in his head and once that is there things are almost never the same with a man. This is why I tell women never threaten a break up or divorce unless you truly mean it. I know, I would never do that to hurt him or to get what I wanted. I was just so confused and was trying to be honest with him about everything instead of making a rash decision. Is there anything I can do to make things better? Do I should make sure he knows, I want him and want his? Or is there really nothing I can do about it?
Woggle Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I know, I would never do that to hurt him or to get what I wanted. I was just so confused and was trying to be honest with him about everything instead of making a rash decision. Is there anything I can do to make things better? Do I should make sure he knows, I want him and want his? Or is there really nothing I can do about it? Enough time has to pass without another blow up. Right now he sees you as drama and it will take some time to get that perception out of his head.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Look men play the confused card a lot, however when a woman does it It's pretty damn clear she's not feeling it, because of all the things women are willing to do to save or make a relationship with a guy they're really into it has to take a pretty strong emotional disconnect to realize that you don't want to be with someone and when you say that If I was him I'd take it as gold and drop you on the spot. He knows that what you said is true, what was there to be confused about? let's give you the benefit of the doubt and assumed there was something else in the way or intervening, like being drunk, feeling emotionally withdrawn or what not...how in the hell do you explain that to him? and what was your excuse? what would cause you to go to that great of an extent? Is this something that's supposed to be "normal" in the relationship? and If so what does that say about your mental and emotional stability. This is a huge red flag for him, why the hell would he just go on like nothing happened? you basically told the guy who knows what and It really hit him...and he sounds too passive and "nice" about this whole thing, that means he doesn't know how to express himself, and is bottling up the whole situation. You're either one of those women that go sabotage like on a relationship to see If a guy really likes you enough to stick around, and then you pull him back in or in sparks that fight in you to keep him If he turns away and wants to shut you out to an extent...because that kind of thing poses a challenge to you and that's the kind of relationships/guys you're into... Or.. You're really not into this guy (which I feel is pretty clear) and you're just holding onto him because you're worried about being alone and insecure with yourself so you want to try and make this work because you feel he's a good guy. I can't tell a lot from what you've described, there's not enough information here but something definitely isn't right..you don't.. - kick a guy out of your apt one day - get drunk and "almost" (whatever that means, sounds like some BS from the total truth) break up over text with him - top it off while being "confused" (confused over what? you're real feelings versus your insecurity?...not enough info to determine what else there is) and telling him you didn't know you wanted to be with him nor had feelings? And the guy just sits there and takes it and is "understanding"? what a fool, to just sit there and not react and just bend over and take all of this and the worse thing he does is act "standoffish", he sounds like the typical insecure woman in this relationship...It's crazy. Do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself, don't play that game of "well I'm sure I'll develop more feelings for him as time goes on" If it's not there it's not there, don't waste this guys time and your own..trust me you'll find another guy soon enough and whatever significant "time" you feel you've established together will be water under the bridge, that's how it works, you invest time into a relationship and sometimes it doesn't work..that doesn't mean it's a bad idea because you didn't fight for it for 4-8 years or whatever it is instead of moved on when you were supposed to, it just means you were too scared to pull the trigger and listen to how you really felt...and this doesn't seem like actions from someone who really values, respects and loves their partner! ::drinks a kombucha::
make me believe Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 You planted that seed of doubt in his head and once that is there things are almost never the same with a man. This is why I tell women never threaten a break up or divorce unless you truly mean it. Yup. I totally agree. Once you drop the break up card, it's VERY hard to go back to how it was before. I learned this with my first boyfriend... we were having an argument and I said "maybe we should just break up then!" and a couple days later.... he broke up with me! Threatening a break up or divorce is a HUGE no-no. You just don't do it unless you mean it. huskers, even if you didn't do it to play games, that's how it comes across. I mean come on, look at your behavior over the span of one week. "Almost" breaking up with him over text, kicking him out of your apartment, telling him you're "confused"..... and now that you've decided you're no longer "confused," you're wondering why he's not running back into your arms immediately? If I were this guy I would be EXTREMELY wary of you. How long have you been dating him? Why are you so "confused" about whether or not you want to be with him? IMO, that's a sign that you should not be with him. With the right person, there is no confusion or doubt or drama. And honestly, I would never put up with somebody who kicked me out of their apartment and "almost" broke up with me and all that crap.
Fondue Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 To be as blunt as possible, he may have realized you were the crazy he shouldn't have stuck his dick in. Now he's knee deep in thought on whether or not to "proceed" with the relationship, or figure out a way to break it off with you without having you slice his tires.
Author huskers11 Posted May 16, 2012 Author Posted May 16, 2012 So he's now telling me he needs space bc he has a lot on his mind that all centers around us being together.. He told me he likes me but doesnt want to hurt me and needs tofigure how much he feelings he has before he decides whether to take the relationship to the nxt level.. what does this mean? How do i give him space exactly? He says he doesnt want to breakup but this makes me feel uncertain about us.. Sorry for typos, this was on my phone.
Million.to.1 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 So he's now telling me he needs space bc he has a lot on his mind that all centers around us being together.. He told me he likes me but doesnt want to hurt me and needs tofigure how much he feelings he has before he decides whether to take the relationship to the nxt level.. what does this mean? How do i give him space exactly? He says he doesnt want to breakup but this makes me feel uncertain about us.. Sorry for typos, this was on my phone. This is code for "I want to break up but don't know how to tell you and i don't want to hurt you" If you don't want weeks of confusion before it actually ending, then end it yourself now. You have the choice now. He probably wants you to end it. Alot of men do this because they don't want to be the bad guy. It's spineless and passive aggressive. TBH, if your boyfriend can't handle you getting angry at him one time, then he is not for you. No one is perfect. I am a naturally explosive person at times and I need someone who can handle me and my crap when it does come out, not someone who is going to question out whole relationship over one argument or disagreement.
LittlePrince Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 It seems you ruined your own relationship you are just now realizing that you want with a big dose of crazy. There is no coming back from that. He'll never be able to truly trust you. Once bitten twice shy.
InJest Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 You're about to be demoted to **** buddy status. Have fun.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 So the past week or so I've felt disconnected from my boyfriend after we had our first hiccup. Basically I got angry at him and kicked him out of my apt and he felt like an ass for it. Then I got mad at him when I was drunk and almost broke up with him over texting. Well the next day(yesterday) I was super confused and not sure if I wanted to be with him or if I even had feelings for him. Please don't tell me that you're actually surprised he's acting different after all of this...What you are describing does not sound like a "hiccup". It sounds more like you totally sabotaging and destroying the relationship with your illogical, immature and, frankly, downright disrespectful behavior. 1
g450 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 He probably thinks you're a drama queen. Figure out what you want and stick with it. Exactly! Look at it from his perspective. You just told him you were not sure you wanted him and then you changed your mind. That means you are not really all that into him or you love drama. Sounds like you are immature and dont know what you want. Most normal guys would RUN away as fast as possible. I know I would so I dont blame the poor guy. Do him a favor and just leave him alone. Let him find somebody that knows what they want.
g450 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 You have the choice now. He probably wants you to end it. Alot of men do this because they don't want to be the bad guy. It's spineless and passive aggressive. I love it, she destroys the relationship and you want to villianize the BF for not breaking up with her by saying is is spineless. Classic! She is the one that started the ball rolling and it's obviouse that a breakup is what she really wants. She is blameshifting and if you cant see that you are blind. She is the one that is spinelss and passive aggressive, not him. But I will agree with you on one point. He does need to ditch her. The sooner the better. And I will bet my money he will do just that.
Million.to.1 Posted May 16, 2012 Posted May 16, 2012 I love it, she destroys the relationship and you want to villianize the BF for not breaking up with her by saying is is spineless. Classic! She is the one that started the ball rolling and it's obviouse that a breakup is what she really wants. She is blameshifting and if you cant see that you are blind. She is the one that is spinelss and passive aggressive, not him. I disagree. It's just a personality clash. She did react badly and did probably ruin this relationship. But she owned up to it and had a talk with him. That is essentially who she is. A reactor. I'm not saying it's right, but it's just the way she is. Some guys would not run away from a relationship because of that. We don't know what caused these arguments so who are we to judge her reaction? She has said that she behaved badly. If he doesn't like who she is or how she behaves then he walks away. Not her. She has openly said that she does want to be with him and has told him that.
g450 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 I disagree. It's just a personality clash. She did react badly and did probably ruin this relationship. But she owned up to it and had a talk with him. That is essentially who she is. A reactor. I'm not saying it's right, but it's just the way she is. Some guys would not run away from a relationship because of that. We don't know what caused these arguments so who are we to judge her reaction? She has said that she behaved badly. If he doesn't like who she is or how she behaves then he walks away. Not her. She has openly said that she does want to be with him and has told him that. Personality clash? Are you serious? Now if by personality clash you mean she is an immature and overemotional little girl who doesnt know what she wants and he does then I will agree. But fact is what she did would send most normal people packing. You just dont do that to somebody you care about. My take is she really doesnt care for him. She is just a drama queen who likes to play with peoples emotions. I hope he realizes the same and leaves her. 1
Million.to.1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 ^^ Well, the OP came here for advice, not to be insulted. My purpose on these boards is not to rub peoples issues in their face, but try and offer a solution.
LittlePrince Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 ^^ Well, the OP came here for advice, not to be insulted. My purpose on these boards is not to rub peoples issues in their face, but try and offer a solution. So your advice comes in the form of insulting the party not present. What happens if both parties are present here? It has happened in the past of LS.
Million.to.1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 So your advice comes in the form of insulting the party not present. What happens if both parties are present here? It has happened in the past of LS. I'm not insulting anyone. People behave how they feel in the moment. It's not always the "right" reaction or behaviour and I'm not judging either party. I'm not interested in getting into an argument over who is right or wrong. The OP has asked for advice on how to move forward since she acted like a dick and made her boyfriend question the relationship. That's all i have to work with. The rest is just assumption and her boyfriend isn't here asking for advice. If he WAS.. I would tell him to end the relationship if he wasn't happy with his GFs behaviour or to talk to her about it if he wanted to keep being with her. Acting aloof and uncommunicative will solve nothing and only create more confusion for them both. At the end of the day, I would say the OP is young and this relationship is new.. They obviously are not in love so it's not like heaps is at stake here. I would say the relationship isn't going to work from in information presented by the OP, so my advice is the quickest and simplest solution for both parties to move on with their lives without more drama.
Million.to.1 Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 And i will just add that every other reply in this thread is from a male telling the OP she is getting what she deserves and ringing her out for it. Maybe I'm just trying to show a little compassion and not add insult to injury.
Woggle Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 And i will just add that every other reply in this thread is from a male telling the OP she is getting what she deserves and ringing her out for it. Maybe I'm just trying to show a little compassion and not add insult to injury. In no way am I trying to insult anybody but I will be honest with her and while it might be too late to save this relationship she can learn something that can help her in the future. One thing a woman should never do with a man is threaten a split. It puts those doubts in his head and many men decide it is better to evacuate before the storm hits. It is not a matter of whether she deserves it or not but the fact is that she is responsible for the current state of this relationship. 1
phineas Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 In no way am I trying to insult anybody but I will be honest with her and while it might be too late to save this relationship she can learn something that can help her in the future. One thing a woman should never do with a man is threaten a split. It puts those doubts in his head and many men decide it is better to evacuate before the storm hits. It is not a matter of whether she deserves it or not but the fact is that she is responsible for the current state of this relationship. Agreed & if she doesn't learn to take responsibility for her actions she is doomed to repeat. The BF is really a non-issue. His behavior is a direct result of her actions & trying to blame him is not helping at all it's enabling her to justify her poor behavior. all she will come away from this thread with is "BF is passive".
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