Radu Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 I bet this guy is already smearing her. BPD or not, he was very manipulative in the OP's description and as a friend of a friend, he needs to keep up appearances. You dodged a big bullet OP.
Author thatgirl007 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Thanks for the responses, it just really helps me to think clearly when I see my own thoughts reflected here and to hash it all out. My brain clearly told me in the middle of the madness, "This dude is actually really crazy", but I tend to hope for the best. I've got to get better at trusting my gut reaction. Just for fits and giggles, hindsight is 20/20, but there were no really glaring signs of the craziness prior to this, but maybe I am wrong. This is what I can come up with. What do you think? ----------------------------------- 1.) The first few months of dating, he was sporadic with communication. We'd talk once a week, or text 2-3 texts a week. I'm much more used to guys who actually pursued a little harder, but I didn't feel like it was a big deal because I was seeing other guys and we were really just going on a few dates here and there. 2.) At one point a few months in, he disappeared for three weeks. Again, I was seeing other guys and I only texted him once and called him once to see what was up. He didn't answer/respond and I chalked it up to him finding someone closer to him. We had only been on a handful of dates. Then, he reappeared and apologized for flaking out. He seemed very sincere and said that it was "not acceptable" and definitely "not the way you treat people that you care about". He explained to me that he had just felt really down and like he "had nothing to contribute", and not just with me, but with his friends. etc. Red flag, hmm? 3.) He always seemed to be dealing with stress, sleep issues and/or tired. He attributed it to his busy lifestyle and anxious nature. He works a corporate job that I'm sure is stressful, but there was one instance where he stayed up until 2-3 am looking for a silver band he misplaced, literally hours of relentless searching. He just couldn't seem to let it go even though the ring wasn't very valuable. 4.) One time when we were Skyping he pressured me to reveal something that I keep private and share with only my closest friends. Every time I tried to explain to him that it was something intimate and personal that I just chose to share carefully, he was unwilling to accept my reasons, thought they were "excuses" and was pretty stubborn about not relenting /getting cold when I still refused to share. He actually never did relent until I shared it with him. That's controlling, hmm? 5.) I normally let him initiate most of the communication. That's just the way I am until we're exclusive. One time when I called him up, he just seemed really abrupt and not in the mood to talk. He said he was tired, we talked for a few minutes and I got off of the phone. I rarely initiated much after that. Just left it up to him. --------------------------------------------------- In the last two months, he'd gotten much more consistent with communication, calling every day or every other day, texting at least once every day, Skyping a few times a week. We decided not to see other people and to spend more time together. Maybe he was able to hide the crazy because we communicated mostly on his terms? Honestly, I don't think he would have physically hurt me. He's skinny as a rail and I think I could take him in a fight, I'm no petite thing. Not that I wanted to try or anything. Of course, the girls who end up in basements probably don't think they'll end up there, right? The good thing is that I already talked to my friend and yes, he has already tried to smear me, but I've known my friend for 8 years and he knows me so well. He said, "there's not a mean bone in your body, what is he talking about?" I could only agree and tell him not to fix any other unsuspecting friends up with this guy anymore.
truth_seeker Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 You think it might have had something to do with the first time sex? He was was too nervous to be with you and flipped out? He couldn't perform and was looking for an out to save face? Just from what you described, this guy has issues. You got to meet a real side of him that you really want no part of, a side that could get worse. Best to never see him again.
d'Arthez Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Maybe he was able to hide the crazy because we communicated mostly on his terms? Things are always easier to control when they are on your own terms. He did get angry with you because you did not behave according to his expectations. Honestly, I don't think he would have physically hurt me. He's skinny as a rail and I think I could take him in a fight, I'm no petite thing. Not that I wanted to try or anything. Of course, the girls who end up in basements probably don't think they'll end up there, right? Yup. Just because a guy looks skinny, does not mean he is necessarily weak. It is not necessarily muscle that determines who wins a physical fight. And there are devious ways to win a fight. There is drugs, weapons, emotional blackmail. You really dodged a bullet there.
Author thatgirl007 Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 Now that I think back, he bought me clothing on our very first date. Clothes that he picked out...and he asked me to change into them that first day. That was probably a red flag, too.
maybealone Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Now that I think back, he bought me clothing on our very first date. Clothes that he picked out...and he asked me to change into them that first day. That was probably a red flag, too. To me, that sounds like the biggest red flag you have posted so far. Like a 9-1/2 Weeks type of red flag. I am so glad that after all that, you are safe. 1
Recommended Posts