Rawmail Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 How do i put my foot down and stop being the "nice guy" she takes for granted, tramples on and treats like ****? And why do i love her? God only knows how people get married with this kind of bull**** -backstory- 17yo in UK in college with my girlfriend, she just got out of a 1yr relationship with a total ******* (from what she says) who got her pregnant, cheated on her, and when she miscarried weeks later, didnt care. She still thinks the world of him, even though she left him for good I came along, fresh out of yet another relationship where i get cheated on, And with battered dog instincts, become even nicer, even more forgiving, even more loving than before so it doesnt happen again. Now 4 months down the line she often tells me she hates me, that we're more like friends and that she doesnt like me and then later apologises and says she loves me. Im too nice. I always give in. Its my instinct... Im 6ft 1, slim with nice arms and chest and i have a "cute face". I love, care and adore, but i know her eyes are adrift. Help.
darkmoon Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 she says she hates you - what happens just before she says it? it can't be you two are hanging out happily and then she blurts out that she hates you
Eddie Edirol Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 If she is talkign about how she hate her ex, then she isnt over him. She is still thinking about him while she is with you, which makes her hot and cold behavior. You will never be able to turn her around until she is eady to emotionally walk away from him. Theres nothing you can do to fix that, you dont have a chance, you are wasting your time, except that maybe she helped you forget about your ex. Will this help you walk away from her?
Author Rawmail Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Oh no thats EXACTLY what she does... Then stuff like this: "I don't knoww how I'm supposed to be, you don't tell me what to do I don't know what to do" *sigh* Never enough to be nice, is it?
Author Rawmail Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 If she is talkign about how she hate her ex, then she isnt over him. She is still thinking about him while she is with you, which makes her hot and cold behavior. You will never be able to turn her around until she is eady to emotionally walk away from him. Theres nothing you can do to fix that, you dont have a chance, you are wasting your time, except that maybe she helped you forget about your ex. Will this help you walk away from her? But i dont want to leave her... I tell myself that i'll be crushed when she's gone...
NateC Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 She's not over her ex and is taking out her mixed emotions on you. Don't stand for it. Being assertive and telling her that what she says is hurtful is well within your right...and if she gets upset because of that then you know she's just trying to use you as an emotional cushion and not caring what you think. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 There are certain things in life I find very difficult to wrap my head around. A man wanting to have sex with another man is one example. A man being subservient to a woman is another. OP, I find it difficult to emphasize with your situation because I simply can't put myself in your shoes. How can you let women treat you like a piece of sh*t and crawl back for more? I think you need to take a break from dating and spend time learning what it means to be a man. Currently, you are not a man, which is why women don't respect you. And by being a man, I'm not referring to chest pumping machismo. Rather, I'm talking about a man's natural place as his woman's superior. When your GF tells you that she doesn't know what she wants to do and that you don't tell her, she's being honest. She is lost and confused, like a ship crew without a captain. Women are weak, illogical and childlike by nature. They need strong male authority and direction to feel comfortable. No amount of niceness can compensate for that. Imagine being an officer in the army. Do you think you would be respected by the troops if you treated misbehaving soldiers with niceness and forgiveness? Of course not. You'd be ridiculed for being spineless and no one would listen to your orders. Well, a relationship is like a miniature version of the army. To function effectively, it needs a strong, authoritative male and an obedient female. Otherwise, things fall apart rather quickly. Your GF's ex may have been an abusive ********* but I bet you he wasn't a pushover. That's why she thinks the world of him (while at the same time hating you).
Phennyphen Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Women are weak, illogical and childlike by nature. Er, what?! Are you a troll? Or just a ridiculously antiquated old man?
Radu Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 (edited) Er, what?! Are you a troll? Or just a ridiculously antiquated old man? Half troll, half serious and spot on, you are more likely to be one than him, considering you just joined. OP, she is constantly testing you for dominance. She doesn't want you to be a pushover, but she's young and stupid [as are you] so she doesn't know what she wants. All she knows is that the ex was bad for her, you are overall good for her, but she was drawn to him and not you, so in her mind ... it's your fault. You need to understand 2 things : - you are not responsible for someone else's internal happiness as she would have you believe - you need to stand up for yourself in front of her, to not be such a pushover. I doubt this relationship will last considering your ages [and the fact that they are both rebounds technically], but use this time to start respecting yourself. Ppl respect ppl that respect themselves, and are overall drawn to them. Edited May 12, 2012 by Radu 1
BCCA Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 17yo in UK in college with my girlfriend I honestly hope you are the exception to the rule, but I'll level with you, at your age things dont usually last much more than a year or two, and youre maturing and changing so much that in 3-4 years youll both be totally different people and probably not as close. Ive know hundreds of couples that dated from 18-22 in college, and the ONLY ones that ever stayed together met the last year of college when youre closer to adult maturity level. Best of luck! 1
Author Rawmail Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 I was blunt and forceful when last talking to her. She said that she was sorry, it wasnt fair (what she said/did) but also said that she thinks i didnt love her. then she put the phone down and ended our relationship via facebook. guess thats it. at least she didnt cheat, huh?
Emilia Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 You need to adjust your people picker. Generally try not to date girls who put up with being treated badly like this girl did. They love drama, fights and arguments, that's why she kept telling you she hated you. Find a nice girl who doesn't hang out with trash like this girl did. The key isn't just being nice but being nice to the right person.
dasein Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Drama mama is sucking the life out of you. Yes, breakups hurt, but ongoing emotional damage from tangling with dramaphiles hurts more. Please consider getting shed. Others are right that you need to lead the dance, but based on what you post, this is not one you want to dance with for long. People don't tell people they care about "I hate you" ever, past the age of 8 anyway.
Author Rawmail Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Im not convinced that its not just stress to do with exams. Im going to make excuses for the girl...
Lucky_One Posted May 17, 2012 Posted May 17, 2012 Of course you are. And you will continue to let her treat you shabbily. Listen, when someone tells you they hate you, pay attention. THAT IS BAD BEHAVIOR. Period. If you like being treated badly, then make more excuses for her and sign up to be walked upon some more. If you would prefer to have a mutually respectful and loving relationship, then continue on in the break-up, and learn to be happy with yourself and get over GF #2 before you go hooking up with GF #3.
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