HVA Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Twenty-five years ago, I dated a wonderful man. He was my first true love and he meant the world to me. It was a long distance relationship, he living in NJ me living in upstate NY. After the 1st year, he moved to Oregon to attend the University there. We remained a "dating" couple and he called daily and we wrote back and forth every single day. We were very much in love! After college (he only attended for 1 1/2 yrs) he moved to Carson City, NV where his mom and step mom live. Once settled, he sent me a round trip plane ticket. He told me that, he loved me and wanted to marry me and would I please come out there to be with him and that he had sent me a round trip ticket to show that he didn't ever want me to feel "trapped" and if things didn't work out, I'd be free to go. I never went....my mom caused such a ruckus....called his mom....told her off....called him and called him names that are too bad to even mention...in the end..I never went. We stayed in contact after that..for a short time..he eventually found someone else..and my heart was shattered! Once he ahd established this relationship, he continued to call and write from time to time...told me he wasn't really happy without me but he needed companionship...and would I please change my mind...I didn't. A few years passed, he got married. On his wedding day he called me and told me that he still loved me and if I would tell him at that moment that I still loved him and wanted to be with him for the rest of my life that he would walk out of the church and never look back..I didn't..I wanted him happy..I didn't want to stand between him and this woman...I never heard from him again. Last October (2003)...I was sitting on the computer and I got a message on Yahoo messenger...the message read..." Did you used to be (insert name here) from (insert town here)?" I of course said yes..and he said who he was..I almost passed out! I had long since gotten involved with another man whom I eventually married and had 3 children with..we have just celebrated our 20th anniversary... The memories flooded back..the love swelled in my heart..my belly did flip flops..I still loved this man..I had always loved him and had never forgotten him..there wasn't a day that went by in 25 years that I didn't think of him, and now, here he was. We chatted for a long time that day...and the next day and next day and next day..he told me that he had been searching for me for years but could never find me and now that he ahd he wasn't going to let me go..I feel the same way. He is married..with 1 child..not to the first woman he married..this is marraige 2 and as I said..i also am married with children...we have rediscovered love that we knew all of those years ago..as strong as before..if not stronger. We now chat and "sneak" calls on cell phones usually daily. We have both agreed that we love each other and want to be together but...we have differant lives now and neither one of us want to hurt our spouses or our children (children are ages 7-19), so, we have an agreement that..in time..maybe many years from now...when the time is right and the children are raised...if we still feel as strong in love as we do now..we will separate from our spouses and we will be together..and we haev agreed that we love each other enough to wait for that day..until then..the calls and the chatting will be our relationship...yes it is an emotional cheat...but we are hurting nobody and we have thought this out and have reached the agreement that we have. In time we WILL be together and we love each other so! I jsut wanted to share my story with others....because there are ways to be with the person you love without hurting others..you jsut need to be patient and all will work out. I KNOW that he loves me and that I love him and that the love is REAL....otherwise..25 years apart would ahev made things weaker..not stronger...I cherish the day he found me and am so thankful that he never stopped looking after all of these years. My life used to have an empty feeling..like soemthing was missing..now..it is complete..I feel complete..and it's a wonderful feeling!
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Well, I read your story like you asked. But maybe I'm still missing the point?...Or at least the moral of the story or lesson you're trying to pass along to the rest of us? ...but we are hurting nobody and we have thought this out and have reached the agreement that we have. So you are saying that both your spouses and families are AWARE of the feelings between you, and are not at all concerned about your plan to leave them so you can be together? If you are so confident in this "love," and know for certain that you are not "hurting" anyone, why not just go and be with each other now? I, for one, will certainly be waiting for the "follow-up" and/or final chapter. I think it will be interesting to see whether it actually ends with: "and they lived happily ever after"...
cherished Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 I think that it's sad that you didn't go when you had the chance but I'm also a strong believer in things happening for a reason and in Karma so be careful, you're playing with fire making your spouses believe that you are in love with them and then sneaking off to "chat" with someone and profess your love to them! I say if it works great BUT if your love is SO STRONG you should leave your marriages and be together now! Do you think the hurt will be any less intense for the spouses? It will probably be worse!!! The kids?? I'm sure they will be hurt to know their parents were living a lie!! What are you teaching them? I say be honest and take the consequences!
iceman Posted June 24, 2004 Posted June 24, 2004 Hah.. it's a real confusing problem you got.. If he really loved you, then he must have a strong will to marry you in the past.. whatever the situation was... Why he had to marry other and still called and let you know that he loved you ? For me it's kind of nonsense.. If he could marry other women, this meant he is afford to accept her as his wife, ALTHOUGH he still loved you so much.. Why he had to bother u again by calling you.... Well at this part, man can only choose ONE option and take the consequences. I would really heart broken if the girl I married for years, actually love other guy. Very sad to know that after being together for so long and all the moment got thru together, she still has no feeling for me and decide to leave me in the end... Or you just want to be with me because you're afraid that nobody will be around when you're old. But then when you found somebody, you just leave me growing old alone.. It's really not fair.. not fair.. Well. try to remember the good memories you had with your spouse and try to ove him more.. Save the beautiful memory with your ex in your heart and bless that you ever having feel such feeling b/4.
Dee Dee Posted June 24, 2004 Posted June 24, 2004 I can identify with what you are saying...however, keep in mind that both of you and your life styles have change. You can't re-live the past . I have an old boyfriend that I still think about, but I keep it in the past - my life has changed and so has his. I only know where he lives but I have absoutley no desire to "find" him. My world as I once knew it has changed and so has yours.
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