I cheated, she broke up with me, but im still allowed to sleep over...?

[aznnguyen88]

I was in a relation ship with a very beautiful and genuine girl. Deep down i honestly love this girl with all my <3, although my actions speak differently. We went out for about 10 months, she just broke up with me a few days ago. The reason is because recently she found out that 2 months ago i slept with the hostest from my work. Not only did i sleep with the hostest, i had been hanging out with the hostest. I know this is very disrespectful of me and that I am a scum for treating someone I supposedly love like this and I am truly remorseful.

 

Even though we have been broken up we are still very close, I have been sleeping over at her place for the past week everynight. Honestly I want to do everything in my power to make this right again. I deleted the host number from my phone and also from FB. I told the other girl to leave me alone. Just yesterday i bought my ex a bouque of flowers, some candy and, EDC tickets. We have a trip planned in June for Vegas to go to EDC. To show her how sorry I was I bought her 300$ tickets for the show.

 

This girl means the world to me, and I would do anything to get her trust back. I miss the way she used to look at me with loving caring eyes, and it pains me to know that I have caused her much suffering.

 

We have talked about it and I am only her friend. She said one of the reason is because we are friends so if i do anything stupid like that again she cant get hurt. The confusing thing is she tells me she loves me still, she still hangs around me and my family and I chill with her's also. She said she wanted to wait untill end of summer to see if our friendship can return to relationship again.

 

What should I do. I dont want to smother her, or make her want to be with me. I want to give her space but she doesnt seam to mind us spending alot of time together. I feel like once summer is done, after ive taken her to vegas, that she might have no reason to want to be with me anymore. I dont want to force something that cannot work out. But im too hooked on her that the thought of loosing her upsets my stomach to the extreme.

 

What should I do? Has anyone ever made it through this and succeeded? Im scared that I will waste time trying to piece together something thats impossible. It hurts so much inside, and I know i deserve it, she is worth it, but will this work?

[wilsonx]

Not without space apart to figure things out.

 

To me its like you are trying to buy back her love instead of letting her go and if she loves you she will come back

 

Do the opposite of what you think is right. The saying goes, if you love someone, you let them go and if they come back to you, it was meant to be. The timing here is it needs to be a long time, most likely a year or two or three

[aznnguyen88]

i was browsing the computer just now when i came across a letter from someone who knows very well. Here it is.

 

Dear -----,

 

Cheating is your deal breaker. Ali has admitted to you that even when you guys were together he still took his co worker who liked him out on dates. Then he had sex with her and texted you to break up on the same night. Once you came he was deleting messages in front of you. “I just got home” Is what you saw. You knew it that night. He didn't want you even though you pleaded. I remember. After that he still dated her and had sex with her. Got the parafenilia charge. Only two weeks later he asked you to come back. And u shouldve said no. now two months later you find out the truth. On your own. And another two days, he admits it, there was sex. Now its your time to be strong and say no. even if he pleads. Dont waste time, creating memories, regretting this decision because it's the correct one. Be strong like stacy and joanne. Beautiful people that made mistakes. Dont make the same one. Dont get married. Forgive but do not stay.

 

I know you still love him.. call it tough love. Let him learn his lesson, learn to love himself first. And if months from now he still wants you, still no.

[aznnguyen88]

everything in that letter is true..i really was a person who did those things. what can i do? i want to change so bad. i want her so bad, but deep down inside i know if i really love her i need to let her go...she is still with me in a way but i dont want to cause her anymore pain.

 

please help me

 

i wish i could turn back time so bad

[d'Arthez]

You messed up. Repeatedly. It would take much more effort for her to make it work, than it would be to remain broken up and find someone new.

 

What should I do? Has anyone ever made it through this and succeeded? Im scared that I will waste time trying to piece together something thats impossible. It hurts so much inside, and I know i deserve it, she is worth it, but will this work?

This tells me that you are not truly remorseful. If you were you would not be scared you are wasting time.

 

Give her space set her free. That is all you can do. Learn from your mistakes, and treat future partners with a more respect.

[SarahRose]

you mean you are snooping on her computer and found that letter?

[d'Arthez]

Missed that one SarahRose. That is a good one for rebuilding the trust. Now OP has completely lost her.

[Exit]

Buying $300 tickets, or anything else, does nothing to prove how sorry a person is. Definitely stop trying to win her back with that method.

 

I think you may only be suffering from the remorse that people feel when they get caught. If she had never found out about this other girl, and if you had been able to hide it and just keep going on with your relationship, would you have ever really felt this bad about it? Would you have lost sleep at night, knowing that some day you were going to have to tell her? I think it's likely that you only feel this bad because of getting caught and the consequences that followed.

 

It's a contradiction, almost an oxymoron, to say you really really love someone, but you cheated on them. If the love was truly there all along, you would never think of cheating on someone, you would never be able to feel attraction towards another person, the only girl you would think about and want to be intimate with is the one you love. You didn't love her enough to not mess around with someone else. And I think now this is more just about a bruised ego for you, you got caught, and now you're telling yourself you really loved your girlfriend and messed up and want to fix it. I think you're just acting out of desperation.

 

It would probably be best to just start moving on. I have no idea why she still wants to be friends with you or why she is saying she'll reconsider it when summer is over, but judging from the email you SNOOPED from her, it sounds like she is going to have a strong support system of people telling her to stay away from you.

 

If you really love her, why don't you let her go for the summer, instead of hanging around each other and trying to buy her things. Tell her you realize how badly you messed up and you are so ashamed that you feel you shouldn't even be in her presence right now. If, after that, she still wants to give it another try, great, but nothing good is going to come out of trying to win her back right now.