lilyblue Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 After talking about it for months, I finally sent an email to my ex who I haven't spoken to for almost 8 months now. And it felt.... fine. I didn't feel any huge weight lifted, but also no disappointment either. I felt a little freedom from finally not having to think about whether or not to send it anymore, but that was about it. I'm glad it didn't set me back at all. I really tried to think it through before I hit that button (I had had it written for a couple of months). I guess I don't really have that much to say about it, but glad that I didn't react badly to it! 1
Author lilyblue Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Just my experience with the "break up" (him vanishing), expressed some disappointment. Those were the main themes.
Author lilyblue Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Nope not expecting a reply at all. Quick background: I was good friends with him and his extended family for three years. He was married for the first one, then his wife left him. They tried to get back together, but it didn't work, subsequently they were divorced. We started getting closer (just about a year after they had separated for the final time, about 6 months after the divorce was finalized), he started pursuing me, we had many, many open talks about what it would mean to change our relationship, and I held off for months. I was very honest with my hesitations and he said and did all the right things. We started dating and everything was great, he constantly told me how much he loved being with me, how happy I made him, etc. We had already been such a big part of each others' lives that the transition was very easy. Then one day he didn't reply to a text asking him what we were doing for dinner. And I never heard from him again. I found out (not from him) that him and his ex got back together. It's been 8 months. Blah.
Positive1 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Gee, thats really really tough...I feel for you, just goes to show how selfish some people can be in realtionships...and no matter how long you know someone for, do you really ever know them. I have been in a similar situation, and as a result would not ever date or consider dating someone who is separated. I know it's tough and that when it comes to love it's difficult to make 'rational' decisions, but all you can do now is move forward. Good luck with your healing
Fitz Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 How old are you and how old is he? Any children? Any proven infidelity in your relationship with him? Or between him and his ex wife?
Author lilyblue Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 How old are you and how old is he? Any children? Any proven infidelity in your relationship with him? Or between him and his ex wife? Early/mid 30s, no kids. No infidelity on any of our parts besides whatever happened with them before he stopped talking to me. Obviously he didn't stop talking to me before something happened between them, whether a conversation about getting back together, or more.
beyond Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Nope not expecting a reply at all. Quick background: I was good friends with him and his extended family for three years. He was married for the first one, then his wife left him. They tried to get back together, but it didn't work, subsequently they were divorced. We started getting closer (just about a year after they had separated for the final time, about 6 months after the divorce was finalized), he started pursuing me, we had many, many open talks about what it would mean to change our relationship, and I held off for months. I was very honest with my hesitations and he said and did all the right things. We started dating and everything was great, he constantly told me how much he loved being with me, how happy I made him, etc. We had already been such a big part of each others' lives that the transition was very easy. Then one day he didn't reply to a text asking him what we were doing for dinner. And I never heard from him again. I found out (not from him) that him and his ex got back together. It's been 8 months. Blah. So you were the rebound before he went back to his wife. That must have really hurt, especially just suddenly never hearing from him again - pretty cowardly on his part. How do you feel now a day or so after sending it?
Author lilyblue Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 So you were the rebound before he went back to his wife. That must have really hurt, especially just suddenly never hearing from him again - pretty cowardly on his part. How do you feel now a day or so after sending it? Yep, I was a rebound, even after he assured me (and followed that up with actions) that I was not. He had "played" around a bit, and was ready for a relationship he said... just turns out that that was with his ex instead of me. It still makes me really angry and sad. It hurt/hurts a lot. And yes, it was totally cowardly. I still can't believe a grown man who I knew so well would decide to end a relationship that way. I actually sent it last Monday, so it's been almost a week. I feel the same. Kinda feels like I just sent it out to the universe since I knew he wouldn't reply.
Author lilyblue Posted May 18, 2012 Author Posted May 18, 2012 I think the hardest part is that I still just feel really depressed. I think his vanishing was the catalyst for it, and I just still haven't been able to break out of it. Nothing sounds appealing, I just feel so stuck. I'm tired of feeling this way, but I just don't know how not to anymore.
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