Julkat99 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 My boyfriend and I are both coming out of longterm marriages. Mine was 23 years with an abusive alcoholic and drug addict. I have had a few years of counselling and feel very well now. He had 35 years with a depressed, sexually-damaged woman who is very angry. We have had a few years of fun dating which has now turned so serious as we both near the end of our divorces. He gets really caught up in his own life and I feel like I'm invisible some of the time. I've recently had a couple of really difficult things happen and, although he knows about them, never thinks to ask me how things are going. We have to schedule sex and even then he sometimes is too tired or distracted to engage with me. We used to have a great sex life. He is otherwise generous and kind. He is well-respected in the community and with me too. Recently I feel a big divide between us and am not sure where it's coming from. He once told me that his lawyer told him that, having been divorced, he will never marry again and instead maintains a long-term relationship with a woman but they maintain separate households. My boyfriend said he thinks this is a great idea. I love living alone, but not forever. I have been very clear that I want to have a relationship where I share each day with someone, where I can snuggle at night, and not where we have to decide who is schlepping clothing from whose house tonight. I am not in a hurry, but am concerned that he is not headed for the same things I am. We have talked about this. But no resolution. I don't know if we can ever re-capture the joy we had together. Does it always have to become so dreary in the everyday?? Sometimes I feel like I'm alone, until he wants me.
HHC Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 The whole point of being with someone is that you feel needed and wanted all the time, even when not together. Sounds like he's using you and you're allowing it. I can't say I see a future, at least not the kind you want.
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