Am I being too extreme with NC? Does she hate me?

[DreamerDeceiver]

Longtime lurker, first time poster. I need to get something off my chest and bad, because it's giving me OCD...

 

I dumped a girl four months ago after she started ignoring me, its been NC ever since. She is very attractive, and has guys after her all the time. She lives 50 miles away from me. Unlike other guys that she has dumped, instead of them dumping her like I did, I am not constantly trying to win her back. Her friends started acting much better towards me after I dumped her and vanished from her life. But dumping her was easier than what I am going through now and I have already gone months past the crying stage...

 

It goes back to February. Since she never called or emailed me for about a month after we went out, I dumped her by voicemail and email, the same message, three paragraphs of soft and strong words, like I never imagined she'd be so cold, with "Goodbye" at the end. Nothing mean or dumb. I told her I refused to be "another guy just waiting around" in her life, and that I cared about her. Nothing derogatory.

Her last email to me was sent the next morning. Alot of it was reactionary, but she was asking if I still wanted to be her friend, and how much she loved going out with me, she loved the flowers I sent her anonymously, and how she remembers my sincerity. I never answered it because I was trying to do NC...

 

I've been in relationships before, I'm 28 and she's 26. We work in the same company but different locations and I had to see her about two weeks after I broke up with her. I did not say a word except "hi". She said hi to me but got flustered after I started to ignore her. She started to talk to every single guy in the room. I did not react, just did what I was supposed to do when I was there. I caught her smiling at me at the end when I left.

The thing is this girl was not truthful to me in the beginning, during the honeymoon period when we were emailing eachother (December - January.) I asked her what was going on between us and she shrugged it off. I think I let my guard down too much with her, but she kept telling me how much of a "sweet" and "nice guy" I am. I told her before not to take my kindness for weakness.

 

My history with her is I saw her maybe 4 times in two years, and then she really started getting an interest in me one time I showed up at her work. I made myself a challenge at first. We had so much fun when we went out, I brushed off alot of her tests, and we made out at the end. The next day when I called her she sprang out with "I'm not looking to make anyone a priority now." (Like if she just wants to mess around, why was she being so nice to me?)

I was never needy, barely calling her three times a week, texting her goodnight every other night. But after she said this I called and texted her less. I always only got her voicemail over and over again...

 

I got sick of it! So now in February when I dumped her, this girl claims she wants to be my friend. I haven't answered her in 4 months, and I totally ignored her last time I saw her 4 months ago. It's been straight up NC since we broke up. Her friends make jokes about it and say things like "we love you" when they call me. I learned so much about what I did wrong, and saw how I stopped being attractive to her. I really hope she doesn't hate me because I still like her - alot. But she really ticked me off, even after all the good things she said, she just stopped talking to me out of nowhere.

 

Do you guys think I'm just being an ******* by doing this "goodbye" and NC... or am I right to keep on doing NC and not try to be her friend? Friends don't make out like we did. Is what I did right in the end? Because I really don't know. I burned bridges with people in the past for manipulating me, and I don't know if that is totally correct behavior.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

- DreamerDeceiver

Edited May 11, 2012 by DreamerDeceiver

[Starman8]

What exactly do/did you want from this girl? A relationship, a lay, or just the satisfaction of making her want you?

 

Seems like the both of you just play games with each other. This isn't good if you want a relationship.

 

I understand what you were doing with the whole make myself a challenge, be unavailable, don't act needy thing. However, by deliberately doing this kind of stuff you are walking a fine line. These things need to be the product of a rich, healthy, and full life. Otherwise, you're a player.

 

This girl sounds high maintenance and a waste of your time. You'd probably be much happier with someone else.

[DreamerDeceiver]

I wanted a relationship with her but I don't know how far the ship has sailed for that now. I do look at it now and see we were playing alot of games. I don't know if NC is worth breaking to apologize, show her I changed my view on the whole thing, if she still gives a damn.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I wanted a relationship with her but I don't know how far the ship has sailed for that now. I do look at it now and see we were playing alot of games. I don't know if NC is worth breaking to apologize, show her I changed my view on the whole thing, if she still gives a damn.

It sounds like she never gave a damn in the first place. this relationship, as it were, was a whole lotta nothing. Don't break NC; it's a waste of your time.