Author verhrzn Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 According to science we fall out of love due to biology particularly the neurochemistry of the brain. No, we fall out of lust. We fall out of intense hormones. We fall out of that intense Honeymoon attraction, but that is not love.
LittlePrince Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 No, we fall out of lust. We fall out of intense hormones. We fall out of that intense Honeymoon attraction, but that is not love. It affects long term love too.
nofool4u Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 The problem is, those same guys are carrying a massive chip on their shoulder... they have years of bitterness about how women ignored them, or how they weren't hot or good enough. So when a woman comes along who does like them, they either sabotage it by pulling out some weird version of who they think the girl wants, OR they ditch the girl when she doesn't magically validate them. What you are describing isn't a "nice guy". And you seem to think being "nice" means unattractive. Trust me, the attractive nice guys won't be bitter. They just won't put up with certain kinds of women that always look to better deal any man they are with. For example, I am an average girl, which would seem to be good enough for the average guy. But "nice guys" get upset that they can only attract girls like me No, it upsets guys that have a warped view of how relationships should work. A truly nice or good guy isn't hung up on having a barbie doll for a mate, or thinks in terms of getting someone "out of their league". instead of the hot girl who validates their existence and wipes away the years of rejection. Again, this is the mindset of someone who expects the opposite sex to see past their average qualities and expects to get someone much better than they expect to be viewed. Again, this isn't a "nice guy". I consider myself a nice guy. I'm not out to get in women's pants. I like relationships. And actually I don't want the "hot" chick. Because first, being "hot" may mean different things to different people. Secondly, if someone is "hot" with regards to physical appearance, chances are they are conceited and have a very high opinion of themselves. I know this can't be generalized, but in most cases I believe this to be true. Therefore, I won't bother with someone that thinks they are all that. 1
ATrainofAngels Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I would like to echo everybody else's sentiments in here. There is a big difference between a genuinely good person and the low self esteem, low confidence, bitter "nice guy" that is infamous in the "PUA" world. The "nice guys" will pull you into their web of self pity and low self esteem and make you feel as miserable as they are. It's just not worth it Date somebody who is a nice person, that has a positive and healthy attitude about himself and his partner and would date you because he likes who you are 1
Necris Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 That is not true. Some women do toy with you, others may be dead serious. The same definitely applies to men as well. In your case, sadly, it was a woman toying with you. But that is more telling of her than of you. The difficulty is of course telling one apart from the other. And that is where we all make mistakes, from time to time. As annoying as it is to waste some time to find out someone is immature, you'll learn to pick up the cues of "fake interest" soon enough. Don't let yourself become jaded. problem is I've never seen "real interest". Women are never interested in me romantically in the rare case a woman does show interest she is either playing me or I'm misinterpreting and she is just being friendly.
wordrock Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 That's actually something I'm currently trying to shove through my brain: the idea of not blaming myself, but also not blaming other people. I've noticed that when it comes to rejection, there are two tendencies: blame yourself and say there's something wrong with you (which is my default mode), or blame the other person and say there's something wrong with them. You see this all the time, on these boards, in magazine articles: "Oh, well, if they don't want you, it's their loss." "They rejected you because they're screwed up." I've decided lately that this is not actually not a helpful way to look at dating. It feels helpful, to point at the person rejecting you and say it's because they are screwed up in some way. But it's really just a different side of the same coin as blaming yourself. Yes, the person rejecting you might have issues. They might be shallow, or manipulative, or flawed in some fundamental way. But aren't we all? I have flaws, they have flaws. I have issues, they have issues. Maybe rejection isn't about I'm screwed up, or they're screwed up, but just that... rejection happens. People, for one reason or another, decide against dating you. In that moment, on that day, their baggage doesn't go with yours. It doesn't make you bad, it doesn't make them bad, it's just life. Yes, you should never worry about 'blaming' yourself or the other person. If two people don't see eye to eye, then they don't. They'd have little to gain trying to get involved with one another. The correct answer: "We're not compatible. Time to move on and meet someone that could be a good match." A lot of men who get frustrated at rejection seem to be under the impression that it was a perfect match and the woman was just too stupid/crazy/whatever to see it! That's a very poor attitude to take. So is getting down on yourself for constant rejection. There's a good chance it has more to do with the women they are chasing after. A match is just that, a match. Think about the meaning of that word "match". Find someone who is compatible with you. Not someone you worship and think is a far better person than you.
fishtaco Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Ladies - don't date nice guys. Men - don't be nice guys. Done. 1
LittlePrince Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Ladies - don't date nice guys. Men - don't be nice guys. Done. Everyone date and be *ssholes. Done.
Author verhrzn Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Eh, nice guys, jerk guys... they're all just shallow wanna-be players, in the end. Why bother with any of them.
ATrainofAngels Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Eh, nice guys, jerk guys... they're all just shallow wanna-be players, in the end. Why bother with any of them. LOL @ all men being players. I had a chance to have sex with a girl last night and said no cause I would like to date her so I just made out with her and took down her number and I'm gonna call her next week Stop blaming men for your problems
Author verhrzn Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 LOL @ all men being players. I had a chance to have sex with a girl last night and said no cause I would like to date her so I just made out with her and took down her number and I'm gonna call her next week Stop blaming men for your problems I said wanna be players. If you didn't want to date her, how would you have treated her? Like garbage to be used and thrown away. If you want me to stop blaming men for my problems, maybe men should stop creating my problems.
ATrainofAngels Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I said wanna be players. If you didn't want to date her, how would you have treated her? Like garbage to be used and thrown away. If I didn't want to date her, I wouldn't have interacted with her. I don't use and throw away anybody like that BTW if a guy just wants to bang you but not date you, the problem is nearly always personality. Guys would rarely have sex with somebody they wouldn't date based on looks. It's almost always because they don't think you would be a positive influence in their life
Author verhrzn Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 BTW if a guy just wants to bang you but not date you, the problem is nearly always personality. Guys would rarely have sex with somebody they wouldn't date based on looks. It's almost always because they don't think you would be a positive influence in their life Or they can get someone hotter. Which is what always happens in my cases; they date me til they find someone hotter. So there goes your theory. Oh, right, I forgot, you ignore fat/ugly/average chicks. Thanks for the favor of ignoring us instead of using us.
ATrainofAngels Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Oh, right, I forgot, you ignore fat/ugly/average chicks. Thanks for the favor of ignoring us instead of using us. :laugh: Epic line, too bad you're not fat or ugly
Author verhrzn Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Epic line, too bad you're not fat or ugly I am to guys like you (which is all guys, since as you say, ALL guys want the porn star, and just settle for the average chick once they decide she's got a decent enough personality. What a dreamy romance.)
SmileFace Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I am to guys like you (which is all guys, since as you say, ALL guys want the porn star, and just settle for the average chick once they decide she's got a decent enough personality. What a dreamy romance.) Where is being so negative getting you? 1
ATrainofAngels Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I am to guys like you (which is all guys, since as you say, ALL guys want the porn star, and just settle for the average chick once they decide she's got a decent enough personality. What a dreamy romance.) Yea because men are the only ones with unrealistic fantasies. It's not like damn near every woman lusts after and wishes to marry somebody like Chris Hemsworth or Brad Pitt :laugh: Your issue is that you don't understand fantasy is just a fantasy. They don't mean anything. Many many guys would be perfectly content with an average everyday girl
Author verhrzn Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Where is being so negative getting you? I don't have to cater to these douches. I mean, I guess I'm supposed to smile at them ignoring me and say "Thank you" when they decide to throw a pity fvk my way, but I'd rather be angry, frankly. Being negative is how I protect myself against the awful truth of what single men are in our culture. I don't see how being positive about the idea that every man wants a perfect porn star, would be helpful.
SmileFace Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I guess if people just agreed with how ugly she is ; she may feel better. Ok, we all agree with you - k! I pity your horrible disadvantage at life. It must be so hard ... Sigh
ATrainofAngels Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Where is being so negative getting you? it's getting her where she wants to be, miserable and lonely Some people are so afraid of the unknown that they would rather be trapped in a terrible situation that they're comfortable in than try to do something about it. Really same thing as those women who are beaten by their husbands who are afraid to escape. Low self esteem and a fear of the unknown
SmileFace Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I don't have to cater to these douches. I mean, I guess I'm supposed to smile at them ignoring me and say "Thank you" when they decide to throw a pity fvk my way, but I'd rather be angry, frankly. Being negative is how I protect myself against the awful truth of what single men are in our culture. I don't see how being positive about the idea that every man wants a perfect porn star, would be helpful. People only treat you how you allow them to treat you. Take that and apply it where you want.
borkus Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I guess if people just agreed with how ugly she is ; she may feel better. Ok, we all agree with you - k! I pity your horrible disadvantage at life. It must be so hard ... Sigh I think she just wants to vent rather than receive advice.
Author verhrzn Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 People only treat you how you allow them to treat you. Take that and apply it where you want. Yeah, I guess in situations where guys ignore me, I should... what? Throw a drink in their face? Get some of those runway lights? You can't MAKE people be attracted to you. Why be positive about the fact that they aren't? What would that get me, except the desire to put a bullet in my brain? At least being angry gives me the energy to keep going. You can survive a lot longer on bitterness than you can hopelessness.
SmileFace Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I think she just wants to vent rather than receive advice. Yeah, but she actually asks for advice. So pointless... all the best to her.
ATrainofAngels Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I don't see how being positive about the idea that every man wants a perfect porn star yet I see women who are much much less attractive than you in happy relationships all the time It must be a miracle :laugh:
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