Ninja'sHusband Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) Just a thought this morning. How many BSs have been blamed by their WS for the A, but had the A with a MAP? What possibly excuses someone from hurting someone else's M? You just don't do that even if you are single...duuhhh... And then to continue contact even after the MAP's spouse finds out and your own M tanks? Wow Sorry, getting a little specific on my situation. The main point is my opening sentence. In all my desperation and effort to save my own M I tend to forget that even if she was *single* what she did was completely messed up and shows a serious lack of character. EDIT wanted to throw this gem from SPARK1111 in too: Being unhappy and anxious is a symptom, not a cause for infidelity, because plenty of unhappy people whould never choose to cheat on their partner. Edited May 11, 2012 by Ninja'sHusband
2sunny Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 The reason? Overinflated ego Lack of empathy No consequences Not willing to be honest Lack of conscience Self entitlement If/while someone who cheated is still showing these character traits - the M isn't likely to heal. The cheater is essentially road locking any possibility with their big fat ego problems.
96nole Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Just a thought this morning. How many BSs have been blamed by their WS for the A' date=' but had the A with a MAP?[/quote'] {hand raised high} ME ME ME. I was blamed the second time. Although she wasn't cheating with a married man. But he kept pursuing her. So that shows a complete lack of character for both of them. 1
2sunny Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 And yes - it was me too! He actually tried blame shifting to me! I showed him how much I blamed me - I didn't blame me at all! I was a great wife and mother! And I told him ANY man would be honored and privileged to be spoiled by me the way I spoiled him. So I told him I'd divorce him! He still (7 years later) cries about how he screwed up. Which I don't see as fair to his new wife!
Steen719 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 The reason? Overinflated ego Lack of empathy No consequences Not willing to be honest Lack of conscience Self entitlement Now, there is a list that fits my XH to a T. Lordy, the way some people live their lives and blame another for it. NH, realization of what kind of person we are/were married to seems to elude us until we start believing in ourselves.
ISurvived Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I was initially blamed. She has an A with a single guy. I was told it was my fault because we didn't communicate enough. Kinda difficult when you won't talk to your BS and you will with your AP.
firemanq Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 That would be me. I am also to blame for the world economic crisis and global warming:D. Al? Al Gore? Is it you? I did not get blamed for the above, but I got blamed for my lack of trusting her, for my lack of communication, for my lack of affection. I asked one question of her, "Why did you not tell me the oldest child was not mine?" I was told to "get over it" and she claimed "I loved you so much I had to lie to you". She continued to lie all throught our marriage. Hell of way to prove love. My oldest granddaughter is graduating from Hi School this month. She is a beautiful young lady, as are all my girls. My daughter, the one who was conceived w/o me being invited to the conception party, is having an open house on Sunday. I will be on my best behavior. I may also need to apologize to my daughter, her husband if I feel the need to leave shortly after our arrival. AFter 25 + years, I am still bitter. And the betrayal still affects the relationship I have with my girlfriend. And I still wonder if the other 3 children are really mine. 1
96nole Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I was initially blamed. She has an A with a single guy. I was told it was my fault because we didn't communicate enough. Kinda difficult when you won't talk to your BS and you will with your AP. HA!! Same thing here. We didn't "communicate'. We don't have a 'connection'. There isn't a 'spark' It's hard to communicate when you won't talk to me but you'll talk to the dirtbag. How can there be a connection if you broke your connection to me and made the connection to the dirtbag? How can there be a spark when you're too busy thinking about the dirtbag? I swear, these people are just too dumb to be alive. 1
96nole Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 That would be me. I am also to blame for the world economic crisis and global warming:D. Yet Mr. Messy made sure that he could visit devastation on her BS and husband. I wonder what her BS did to him or her children for that matter? I know that I was not a part of her life, never did anything to her, steered clear of her at all cost. My radar was always off around her. Hell, my kids must have really f'ed her over for the stuff she did to them. I'm surprised I didn't get the blame for the shuttle explosion, because she sure as hell blamed me for everything else. She was even trying to blame my mother.
2sunny Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 It's difficult to keep TWO fires burning at full speed. While you are fueling and/or stoking one fire - the "other one" dies down. It's that dying down phase that usually triggers the betrayed spouse to "think" something is "off"! Which it is!
2sunny Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I agree that Sparks sentence really hit home with me too!
2sunny Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 My exH is such a narcissist that he couldn't possibly blame himself for any of his bad behavior. In our 23 years together I don't remember him saying he was sorry - he always needed to blame someone else. But he had that sense of entitlement and ego that was huge. In his eyes he was "perfect". He was always just mad he got caught - and everything was swept under the rug - he never wanted to change and he never wanted to talk about what he had done. He just wanted me to "forget it"! 2
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