wow04 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Wasn't sure where to post this, so I hope this is correct. I hope it isn't too long. A little background. I have 4 kids and he has 3. We all get along really well. We have been an open couple to the kids for 9 months now. His oldest turned 18 today. She is having a party at mom's house at 6 this evening. She text her dad and asked if we were coming. He said no. When he told me I asked why we weren't going. He said we are not going to (ex wife's house). I said we have to go there anyway to pick up the other two kids at 6. Why don't we stay 15 minutes or so that way she can see we were there. He is set on us not going. His daughter then text me and asked if we were coming. I text back that I am sorry, but her dad has already answered her. She called me crying. I told her again that I was sorry, but she is spending the afternoon here so we will still get to see her. She told me she loved me and hung up. Boyfriend and I stayed up really late talking this over. He is set on us not going. I don't see why we shouldn't. It's not like his ex and I haven't been around each other. We are at his son's baseball games and I was there when the oldest had her baby in Feb. Maybe this is just a vent. I don't know. I love my boyfriend like I have never loved before and I would never undermind him to his kids, but this is just silly. I don't see what the issue is.
january2011 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 My gut tells me that you should respect his wishes. His ex, his daughter. It does, however, suggest that something is up and probably needs to be unpacked - I'm not sure this is the fight to do it with though. 2
Author wow04 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 I am respecting his wishes. I would want him to do the same with me and my kids. Thanks for confirming I wasn't totally crazy that it would be okay to attend this party.
january2011 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I wouldn't come between him and his daughter. Yes, you're supporting her by going but by doing so, you're not supporting him. He doesn't want the two of you to go. Effectively, you're being asked to take sides and that's very difficult to do well without upsetting both parties, especially in such a young relationship. It's up to you. But I wouldn't go. Though I'd find out what's going on with him to mitigate any similar conflicts in the future.
Author wow04 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 I am not going. I would never go without him. I just didn't get why we wouldn't go. I will talk to him later about this. There has to be a reason.
january2011 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Best of luck with the talk. While it would be nice to just trust that he's got a good reason, it's a little unfair to put you in the middle like this.
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Probably because HE isn't comfortable to see old faces, his ex in law's, and he just can't cope with bringing you to his ex's and deal with the weirdness. What he doesn't realize is, it'll only be weird if he lets it be weird. Do talk to him and find out his reasons why he refused to go. He SHOULD put his personal feelings aside and do this for his daughter since she wants you both to be there. Also, she needs to talk to her father about this too.
turnera Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Urge his daughter to talk to him. And tell him that you are there for him, when he is ready to talk.
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