Keep him or dump him? Marry him???

[Imajerk17]

Age is just a number. I know 70-year-olds who look and act 45. Tell him to hit the gym ( weights) and take his fish oil and its a deal.

[xxoo]

Now that you've posted more, you do sound smitten with him!

 

That connection, along with compatibility, is hard to find. I wouldn't let a 15 year age difference deter me, at least not at your ages.

[FrustratedStandards]

Just by you saying that he is 50, NEVER married, NO kids and REALLY wants a wife tells me that he has big issues and he's desperate.

 

A man is 50 and never been married? And he's pushing to be serious with you? I dunno...in my mind if a man hasn't made a family by that time (one who wants a family) then he has serious issues which is why he is alone.

 

It's your call, but I would be wary.

[Ninjainpajamas]

OP, I would just mention a couple of things.

 

It looks like you haven't been on Loveshack long, so I will warn you that I have seen a very strong bias on this site towards encouraging people to NOT date if they are in doubt. No matter what the situation, there will always be a majority of posters who will respond that the person in question should immediately “MOVE ON”. This is the most commonly given advice by far in every situation on this site. Personally I think it's because it's very easy advice to give, there are rarely any recriminations later.

 

Here’s the other thing. When talking about age gap situations, there is always a somewhat fictitious either or choice, either you can date this person with a large age gap, or you can find another person who is similar but doesn't have the age gap. In my mind that is a fallacy. Age is one aspect of a person out of many, including other things like looks, personality, career, hobbies, passion, chemistry, religion, etc. I would suggest you think of it like that. If the whole picture looks good it may be worth pursuing.

 

Specifically with the age gap issue, I have personally seen people reject someone with an age gap, only to spend years being single because they couldn't find anybody that met all their other requirements (which could've been met by the age gap person). They essentially gave up years while they were young of being with the person, out of fear that they would lose years later on when they were old when the person was too old.

 

Some people just tend to be more picky than others, and this tendency can be encouraged too much in our society I think. Again, it's always easy advice to give another person when someone says “you deserve better!” People always like to hear that advice. People don't like to hear that maybe what they see there is the best they will realistically find. So, no one likes to give that advice. I'm not saying that's your situation, I'm just pointing out there is a strong bias toward saying the opposite. I would mention that since you are 35 yet have been interested in marriage for a long time, it is probably you are relatively picky.

 

Best wishes,

 

Scott

 

Well this is the the advice you were looking to hear of.

 

Since Scott seems to misinterpret the "naysayers" for objective advice given on the realistic factors provided within the post...It's always amusing to me how those who are "optimistic" always rebuttal with simplistic and more hopeful sayings rather than any substantial insight, knowledge or breakdown of the situation given at hand...and yet the reason it appeals and connects with the original poster is because it's along the lines of what that person "wants" to feel inclined to believe.

 

Nothing magical about saying..

 

"Specifically with the age gap issue, I have personally seen people reject someone with an age gap, only to spend years being single because they couldn't find anybody that met all their other requirements (which could've been met by the age gap person)."

 

Yes, because Scott...I couldn't possibly say that someone who rejected someone with an age gap and ended up in a relationship soon after and happily ever after (at least to this point) with the same amount of validity as your reinforcing comment.

 

At the end of the day what people want to believe and hope for will typically be much different than what is actually present and real...and you have no one to blame but yourself in that situation...optimism, hope, wishful thinking only get you so far, because without a realistic foundation you're just manipulating yourself into imagining the prospective future rather than actually viewing this person as a real human being and understanding that the "emotional butterflies" are what's really compelling your thoughts and ideas and not reality or reason...and that's why the "naysayers" are so "common" on these boards, because they're not deluded by their emotions and able to view things objectively, especially If have they have experience and insight, because lo and behold, there's been someone else in your shoes that's thought and acted out in the same exact ways and with the same exact mentality yet people want to feel like everything is so "individually" based when they don't even understand the lack of awareness and ability to view the big picture, facts and details in their own understanding.

 

Bottom line is you make the decisions all you want in your life, no one is stopping you..do whatever you want with yourself...but isn't it a funny coincidence that the people who you were telling you the "negative" and "naysayers" whether family, friends, or forum lurkers always had a point and were usually right about a lot of things...even before you even come to admit or realize them?

 

How often do you see man/woman make a decision with the wrong person only to have their friends/family critique...of course seeing this as someone romeo and juliet situation she defends him/her and insists on giving him a chance...creating this bubble of just him/her and I "because all we need is each other! and nobody knows how we feel!"...please If I had a dime for every one of these situations...

 

My objective in my comments are to get people to see the grander picture, to make sure they are making the best decisions for themselves and realizing all the factors...and I'm usually pretty damn good at seeing the wholes in a ship, I don't personally need to wait for it to sink to believe it...yet not because I don't believe they'll probably do it anyway, in the vast majority of situations people are going to do what they want, the main reason to me people ask for advice If for reassurance and clarity, some confirmation and encouragement that they're making a "good" decision and not being "stupid" they're hoping that someone can highlight the reasons of positive reinforcement so they can continue to go down the path they've likely already decided they will go...and yet I also realize know every little detail of their "unique" situation and love interest and try to play in the factor of human psychological so that you might see what you are doing to yourself...not because of "love" but more because of human nature.

 

Because let's be honest and frank here, the person people are battling the most is themselves.

 

But you know what...a few dates and some serious conversation is always a good sign that you should marry a man right off the bat without getting to know him...hell I should marry everyone I am smitten over and think has great qualities even though I don't really know the person at all...that sounds like grand advice an experienced individual would give in life

[callmegee]

In a public forum nobody's opinion can be better than another and differing views (optimistic vs pessimistic), whether suppotive or not supportive of a decision, helps the OP to make a decision, which the OP will have to make on their own.

 

It is for the very reason of picking your more experienced brains that I have sought advice.... and thank you as always for any views you may be willing to share.

 

 

[Scottdmw]

Well this is the the advice you were looking to hear of.

 

Since Scott seems to misinterpret the "naysayers" for objective advice given on the realistic factors provided within the post...It's always amusing to me how those who are "optimistic" always rebuttal with simplistic and more hopeful sayings rather than any substantial insight, knowledge or breakdown of the situation given at hand...and yet the reason it appeals and connects with the original poster is because it's along the lines of what that person "wants" to feel inclined to believe.

 

 

I'm all for specific discussion on the situation of the poster. Part of my point though is that I don't think many of the naysayers offer that. It seems to me many offer generalizations, for example “any man age 50 who isn't married must have problems.” Let's not talk about any man, let's talk about this specific man, he may have life experiences/situations that make that understandable. Further, it just seems funny to me that something like 60-70% of posters usually think the best thing to do is break up. They come to this conclusion without knowing the OP at all, and knowing only a few paragraphs worth of information about the situation. People often don’t ask clarifying questions. People usually don't offer nuanced advice either, it's more often “There is no question you should definitely break up.” There is very little specific advice relating to the exact situation, for example something the OP could do to figure out if this particular man does have issues or not, or what his health is.

 

I would generally think people would be better off asking their family and friends for advice on something like this rather than forum posters. Family and friends have the person's best interests at heart. They know the person and the situation. Way too many forum posters seem to have an axe to grind about a particular issue and always give the same advice on that issue. I won't excuse myself from that either, except that I usually don't do it unless I feel it's necessary to counter what other people have already posted.

 

 

 

 

Nothing magical about saying..

 

"Specifically with the age gap issue, I have personally seen people reject someone with an age gap, only to spend years being single because they couldn't find anybody that met all their other requirements (which could've been met by the age gap person)."

 

Yes, because Scott...I couldn't possibly say that someone who rejected someone with an age gap and ended up in a relationship soon after and happily ever after (at least to this point) with the same amount of validity as your reinforcing comment.

 

I agree that this is merely anecdotal evidence. It could go either way, there are no guarantees. I offered my anecdote to balance the other posts which implied it would definitely go one way. But, I think we should talk about it like that--this situation like many others could go either way. It's very difficult to know for sure, especially based on limited information, whether it will work or not. Let's not pretend to the poster that we know the outcome—no one does.

 

Many posters tend to write with an air of unquestioned authority, as if they are absolutely sure that what they are predicting about a relationship will be true. If a new poster is not used to that, and doesn't see anyone talk about the other side, they may too easily believe that “everyone” knows their relationship is “destined” to fail. Let's remember that it is very easy as responders to pour cold water on someone's relationship and end it, but we cannot in the same way provide them with a new relationship.

 

 

Scott