Does anyone have an ex like this?

[Natalie_99]

Hi Everyone!

Well I'm new here, and found myself signing up to LoveShack because I have seriously found myself not getting over this break up and unfortunately my friends/family don't really understand what I'm truly feeling.

 

I'll give a brief background into my situation with Mister X so you know where I am coming from. Basically, I met this great guy 9 months ago and as silly as it sounds, I instantly fell in love. I believe I am a very independent woman and I love my own space and time to myself. Mister X however was a very attached individual and demanded my time 24/7. I accepted this and worked hard to try adapt myself to his constant needs.

 

In the beginning we explained this to eachother whilst getting to know one another, but he also dropped a situation on me which I stupidly agreed to - He was still very much in contact with his Ex - contact that would still remain during our time together.

 

He would rave on and on how much his Ex meant to him and how he could not rid of her from his life because of all she done for him through his bad stages in life. They apparently broke up due to their poor sex life - which i found to be a little strange for breaking up with someone you care so much about. I found he lied about a couple of minor things regarding his Ex which he never truly explained to me but I overlooked it anyway.

 

His Ex was constantly in the picture, they would go out for lunch, dinner, family outings etc etc - pretty strange, but he convinced me that I was the girl of his dreams and his ex was well and truly just a best friend.

 

About 6 months in we started arguing regarding trust issues on my behalf as the Ex issue was playing on my mind since it was being thrown in my face constantly (I felt like my partner had 2 girlfriends) and my Ex couldn't handle my need for having my own space and my distant nature.

 

Mister X made it clear that I could not "restrict" him when it came to his ex, but it became all too much, and the situations becoming more extreme - i became extremely jealous.

 

After further arguments regarding both issues, he broke it off with me. It was sad, but a week later he came back.

 

2 months after reconciliation he became argumentative again and started backing off - ultimately breaking it off with me again - but with the excuse "I just need time" - "lets try and be friends"

 

He was a man who kept pushing my buttons and knew very well how to - and naturally i would get angry. He never understood why I would get angry though when he would treat me like I was nothing.

 

At the beginning of the year, Mister X went on holidays with his own ex (which i knew would happen well in advance as it was pre organised) and wouldn't contact me saying there was "no reception". He would only talk to me via text very bluntly or rudely and basically blew me off completely. He would push my buttons constantly and use the excuse of me reactive angry as an excuse to have his own space.

I know I'm not perfect, but I found myself constantly apologising - and I very well should have because I can admit to my own faults. He would never contact me unless I approached him first and soon enough we never saw each other and just texted. If i texted 3-4 times in a day he would reply with a "we can't talk this often, I'm not ready to be friends yet" - mind you he had me in routine of contacting his 6,00000 times a day and I found it difficulties to adjust all of a sudden.

He became very secretive and would find any excuse to attack me. He would forget my birthday and belittle me when i would say to him "I did so much for you on your birthday and you can't even remember mine" with a response -

"who were you to me when it was my birthday?" months ago (in our good stage) - I thought i was his girlfriend.

 

I found his personality to being very narcissistic and it was driving me insane. Anyways he attacked me out of no where one day when i asked how he was and I wanted to give him a piece of his own medicine so he would see what position he puts me every single day. I said something that I really shouldn't have said (which I shouldn't discuss in a public forum) and he went just as crazy as I did all those times. I apologised knowing that I was in the wrong to stoop to such a level and he abused me with hatred words. Thats the last I heard from him. That was two months ago. We have had no contact ever since.

 

Ive deleted him from all social networking sites but I always have an inkling to check what he is up to. Ive found out that he is now back with his ex now and he is constantly flourishing her with compliments as if he knows I am reading to throw it in my face even more.

 

I feel as if he pre meditated our break up and got over it well before I began to heal. He had a back up plan with alternative motifs - yet still managed to put me at blame for absolutely everything even if I was not in the wrong. He admitted to me that he realised how much he adored his ex when he was with me and thats the reason why he broke it off with me the first time.

 

He would always say to me "move on, and if you can handle me one day I will be with you" or "never forget me - don't ditch me" , stuff like that.

 

But he has done all this to me.

 

There are so many instances that have happened which he has been shady about which I can't possibly write because it would take me months, but what I'm really finding difficult to cope with is;

 

He has NEVER apologised for anything. Not for his deceiving manner, cheating thoughts or manipulative behaviour. Instead he would somehow make me responsible for absolutely everything.

 

and secondly

 

I feel so used - in terms of believing a lie that he was over his ex and that he would never get back with her, or think of doing so.

 

I never would reconcile with this man, but as odd as it sounds, i would really appreciate if he would admit his wrongs and at the very least apologise for them.

 

Has anyone else gone through a similar situation, or does anyone know how to cope with truly forgiving someone when they refuse to admit anything and are actively trying to make you jealous when your not at fault except for some bad reactions to some deliberate comments/actions?

 

Do you think this man honestly knows what he has done?

 

Should I just try and let it go somehow?

 

I think I am a reasonable person and have behaved in a way any other person would have - but this man started fights with me and then used my reactions to justify why he needed his space.

 

Thankyou so much for taking the time to read into my situation - I really appreciate it

 

xx Nat

[wilsonx]

Sadly to say, you were toast from day 1. Typical rebound behavior. Any negative things he said to you or the fights he tried to pick were not a reflection on you. The only thing you are at fault for is not having personal boundaries to protect you from this type of behavior. Anyone mentions an ex to me or speaks with a recent ex, I walk.

 

Has anyone else gone through a similar situation, or does anyone know how to cope with truly forgiving someone when they refuse to admit anything and are actively trying to make you jealous when your not at fault except for some bad reactions to some deliberate comments/actions?

 

You cant try to forgive them, he was trying to make you jealous so he wasnt the bad guy and you were. Next time just be the bad guy and end the relationship

 

Do you think this man honestly knows what he has done?

 

No, he wont know for months maybe years down the road. He may/may not contact you when he does realize it. You will be lucky if he doesnt contact you, if he does dont respond and keep moving forward with your life

 

Should I just try and let it go somehow?

 

Yup, No Contact

[Savage4]

He sounds very needy indeed. Sometimes it can be hard for us to see/accept the realities of our own situations while it is clear to outsiders. You knew from the beginning that he was still in love with his ex which should have been a major red flag. Him meeting with his ex and going to all these outings with her is ridiculous and he should not have been in a relationship with you if he couldn't accept that. I think it is unfair and selfish to get in a rebound relationship, just to make yourself feel better, when you still have feelings for your ex. These relationships almost always fail and it's the new person that usually ends up getting hurt.

 

From the way you describe him, being narcissistic and all, it sounds like he has convinced himself that he has done nothing wrong and doesn't see any of the hypocrisy in his actions. He doesn't realize what he has done to you.

 

I would forgive him and forget him. This guy doesn't sound like someone you want in your life anyway.

[Natalie_99]

Thank you both so much for your responses!

I've actually never even considered that I was "the rebound" until now - and it kind of makes sense when I come to think of it. My friends and family are great at distracting me and building my confidence back up, but I doubt they really know what advice to give me as they have all pretty much ended up with partners who are genuine & kind and have not been exposed to people like my Ex before.

 

I feel kind of stupid that this man took me for a ride with so many empty promises and misleading behaviour. I think of myself as a person who is very "onto" people and have my walls built up to avoid things like this, but somehow he broke it all down and truly got to me. It has really put me into a shell and has made me weary about peoples true intentions etc.

 

I'm finding it difficult to move on from all this without a true explanation of his actions. It makes me sick to think someone can do that to another person and not explain and/or apologise for what they have done - but just disappear and hate on me. I feel like I've been labeled a demon and have taken on all his wrong doings and left to deal with them alone. I feel stuck and unable to move on completely.

 

I guess more time is needed to heal my wounds.

 

x

[Sugarkane]

Wow what a jerk! Dinners and holidays with the ex? Who The hell does that?if you were a priority he would've cut his ex off.

[Natalie_99]

I honestly have no idea how I fell for it all. He was so re-assuring and very good at lying. What is worse, is that he refused to tell his ex about me until we became very serious in fear that his ex would bump him off and he couldn't afford to lose such a great friend who had done so much for him.

I feel so stupid lol. My moodswings are wild, one minute I'm laughing, the next I'm so angry and sad. I seriously need a miracle to get over this Bas***d

[TaraMaiden]

No, you don't.

 

You just need to keep angry, and keep reading your post - particularly from the viewpoint of a complete stranger reading it, to give the "OP" advice.

 

What would YOU tell the Op to do, in her situation in dealing with this bass turd?

[Natalie_99]

Thats great advice - I try to keep in that mind frame but when I get angry, I also get mad at myself aswell for being so stupid. As bad as it sounds, I just want this man to get his Karma.. or an opportunity to put him in his place once and for all.

 

x

[Own Worst Enemy]

she has some brilliant advice on moving on, and getting over "assclowns", as she calls them.

 

urgh. what a tool. why is it so easy to see from the outside that this guy is a complete monster - and so impossible from the inside?!

[MissBrunette84]

Wow, he sounds awful. You are not alone in how your feeling though. It makes you wonder how a person can treat another human being with such disrespect. I do believe what comes around, goes around though.

[TaraMaiden]

Thats great advice - I try to keep in that mind frame but when I get angry, I also get mad at myself aswell for being so stupid. As bad as it sounds, I just want this man to get his Karma.. or an opportunity to put him in his place once and for all.

 

x

 

 

Oh god..... with the Karma again.....Please!!

 

Karma is NOT come-uppance, retribution, revenge, judgement or payback.

Karma just means "Action" and everybody experiences it - because everybody 'does' something....

 

Sorry... it just grips my ****.....

[Natalie_99]

Thank you all so much for taking the time out to read and respond to my post. It really means a lot to me to have you all to talk to and get some advice thats not coming from someone who also knows my ex and has their own opinions of him. It's crazy how one person can have such a profound effect on someones life!

I hope that I (and anyone out else out there) never encounters/involves themselves with such a disgusting person ever again.

If only these people had a sign reading "Bad News" on their forehead to avoid future distress. hehe:laugh:

 

x

[Natalie_99]

Oh god..... with the Karma again.....Please!!

 

Karma is NOT come-uppance, retribution, revenge, judgement or payback.

Karma just means "Action" and everybody experiences it - because everybody 'does' something....

 

Sorry... it just grips my ****.....

 

I know its not a payback/revenge thing whatsoever - I mean Karma as a means of learning a lesson and to reflect on his actions

[hinatticus]

Definite rebound. His emotions for his ex made you not see the "real" him.

 

Forgive him, but don't tell him you forgive him. Just say to yourself.. "I forgive him". It'll make you stronger and lift the burden from you so you can move on in a positive way.

 

Never date someone who shows feelings for an ex. I still have very strong feelings for my ex, that's why I'm not dating right now. It wouldn't be fair to either party.

 

The mistakes you saw in yourself during this relationship are real.. This relationship was not real at all. Don't beat yourself up too much.

 

This relationship was a case of.. Live, learn, move on, write it off.

[Natalie_99]

Your right! i'll take that onboard thank you