Author mesmerized Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Tell him what you'd want to be told. I would never ask for a reason. If a guy doesn't respond to me after only one date, I move on. So the golden rule doesn't really apply here. But if he had to tell me something, I would prefer a "we're not on the same page" line.
BCCA Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Here is the bottom line: being direct is the most respectful way to handle this. If you say "Im not ready to date right now" or some variation of 'its not you its me", he's going to see right through however you try to disguise it. Not to mention, adding the 'right now' gives him the impression that at some point you WOULD be ready to date, thus leaving you in the same predicament youre in...over and over...until you just tell the truth anyway, at which point youll look like a liar that led him on. Its a lose/lose on both ends. You dont want to be mean, I get that, but he doesnt need to have this made any harder or drag on any longer. Nobody is the bad guy, its just not a match. In the future, Id approach it like this... Just tell him: "listen X, I had fun the other night, and I think youre a really cool guy, but Im not feeling a romantic connection, and I dont want to give you the wrong idea or lead you into believing anything is going to come from this. I wish you all the best, and hope you can understand where Im coming from, but Im not interested in being romantically involved with you. Take care" Yes, its going to suck for him, BUT - ANYTHING that ends in rejection is going to suck, and the absolute WORST kind of rejection is having the person completely ignore you or giving you some crappy 'its not you its me' line. Youre not saving his ego by handling the way youre discussing, youre actually making it worse. Guys are direct, we do NOT want to try and determine what a cryptic message means, or be made to feel like we're not even worth the truth. Honestly, anything less than a straightforward "listen i had fun but im not romantically interested, i hope you can understand, and i wish you the best" is going to just make things worse. He wont be thrilled about it at the time, but I promise you he'll get over that the fastest, and totally respect you for it! Trust me, Ive heard every single variation of 'its not you its me' and other 'i cant date right now' excuses, and they just piss me off and make me feel like somebody didnt even have enough common courtesty to set me straight. I can respect honesty. Also, lets get one thing straight, this isnt about his ego, this is totally about saving yourself guilt. I get it, I do, but dont rationalize it as being for him when its definitely not. Best of luck! 1
Princess71 Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 Here is an example of a HORRIBLE way to reject someone. I once asked a guy why he backed off from me and he said that although there are obviously feelings between us, he didn't know if it was right and could not give me a reason. Well, obviously it was hard for me to let go with that kind of answer. He also said he wanted to continue to see me as a friend but when I suggested getting together again, you could hear crickets. He would have been doing me a favor to just say the truth.
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