darkmoon Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 "an ex came back from my past, there's a child involved, so i can't see you again"...."i'm gay"....polite rejections, so no hurt feelings
joystickd Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Women need to stop with the passive stuff and just say no. We all get rejected at some point mature people know how to accept it and move on. Honestly there is no need to be creative just say " I'm not into you". Let that be the overall message. Don't say "Let's just be friends" or "You are a nice guy but". What needs to be said should be said in a nice way but at the same time be clear cut and to the point.
somedude81 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 You used him and you hurt his feelings. It also cheapens the act of making out. Many men take that as a positive sign. Exactly. I'd be hella confused if the girl seemed to have a great time, and even made out with me, then didn't want to see me again. "I'm sorry, SD, I'm just not into you that way." "But you made out with me?" "Oh, that's just how I am"
darkmoon Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Women need to stop with the passive stuff and just say no. We all get rejected at some point mature people know how to accept it and move on. Honestly there is no need to be creative just say " I'm not into you". Let that be the overall message. Don't say "Let's just be friends" or "You are a nice guy but". What needs to be said should be said in a nice way but at the same time be clear cut and to the point. some ppl go ballistic on a blunt "no" some ppl get furious
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I swear to god I will never learn how to say no to a guy without hurting him. If I tell him we're not compatible, he will ask me why? And I don't have anything to say...I can't tell him the real reason which is lack of physical attraction. Thoughts? Well. Asking a woman why she rejected you is the dumbest idea in the world, because the majority of the time, it is physical attraction. So you can just lie. But if you tell him the truth, he'll probably never ask another woman again, and that might be a good thing.
joystickd Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 some ppl go ballistic on a blunt "no" some ppl get furious To a sensitive person any rejection will get them furious. Hell a no is a nice rejection to me. They need to deal with some disrespectful black women. They delve out some of the harshest rejections. Trust me after dealing with that a no a good thing.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 So I went on a date with a guy a while ago with whom I actually had a lot of fun with. We ended up making out too. But I just didn't think we were compatible and didn't feel high attraction for him even though I really enjoyed his company...I didn't know what to tell him after so I just stopped talking to him. I know not the best way to do it! Now he's found me again and asked me why did I stop talking to him and I'm not sure what to say...I don't want to hurt his ego since he is a great guy. I swear to god I will never learn how to say no to a guy without hurting him. If I tell him we're not compatible, he will ask me why? And I don't have anything to say...I can't tell him the real reason which is lack of physical attraction. Thoughts? Why did you make-out with him? Boredom that needed tending to or just a desperate act of validation to know that you were still attractive?
Million.to.1 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Not high, enough? That sounds really odd. Seems pretty shallow to me actually. . such an antagonist! if she is not attracted to him, she's not attracted to him. Does not make her shallow. And maybe she kinda was initially a little attracted to him but after they made out, that attraction evaporated. That can happen. Maybe he smelled funny. I am sick of hearing backlashes and projections at woman, who are simply asking for advice on the best way to politely let someone down, get told they are shallow or leading the guy on just for being nice! So what if she made out with him. That does not mean she is obligated to go out with him again. We all do and say things we possibly shouldn't or may be deemed as inappropriate. But she is trying to fix it now. Give her a break!
TheFinalWord Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 You need to tame your need for external validation a bit more. Secure women don't make out with guys they have no attraction. INSECURE WOMEN MAKE OUT BECAUSE THEY NEED VALIDATION. In addition you probably have a hard time saying no because you want to please others to be accepted. The best way to reject someone is not to give any kind of hope or explanation. Explanations will make it worse for the other side because this will give him hope. So simply say NO and go NC. No more communication or tell him he is in the FZ. I actually agree with you here OP, I think you are feeling guilty b/c you know deep down you kind of lead the guy on and now you aren't sure how to tell him "Sorry I played you, not interested". The explanation you're seeking isn't for his benefit, it sounds like it is for your benefit. Physical attraction isn't high enough nor are we compatible in some other areas. Let me guess, he's a mature guy (synonymous for nice guy) and you're still partying it up (bad girl) and don't want to settle down...yet! I've had that happen to me more than once. If you really do value him I would go into the compatibility part. If he's a mature guy he will understand that. Tell him you feel your lifestyles are in conflict; you can be specific there. Tell him that you know you flirted a lot and apologize if you feel you've lead him on. That's all you can do. Most guys don't want a bunch of details like you stated. Novices do b/c they still think they can use logic to "talk" a woman into liking them. If he does ask details, just keep it to the compatibility parts. Now that you've gone so long without talking he may not want to hear it anyway. In my case, the girl stopped talking to me. It hurt bad at first, but actually I feel that she did me a favor because I was able to see how immature she is before getting into any kind of relationship. Most guys know what dead silence means. Having had that done to me, dead silence is actually meaner than any words you could throw his way. Dead silence is basically translated as "you aren't even good enough to give closure too" or "I've met someone else better and you were easily forgotten". It may not mean that in your mind, but that's what he thinks. Put yourself in his shoes Cut him some slack...someday you may like a guy that doesn't like you back. How would you like that guy to let you down? Do the same thing. Golden rule applies
TheFinalWord Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Yeah, if a guy told me that he is not physically attracted to me - it wouldn't bother me that much. I would probably prefer the blunt truth - that is if I cared enough to ask. Even if it was a guy you really liked and were crushing on and found physically attractive? Most women spend so much time on beauty prep! So if a guy you really liked and tried your best to look good for said, "Sorry, you're not that physically attractive" it wouldn't bother you? You must have an iron heart!
Eddie Edirol Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I agree. But at least saying those thing helps their ego... Saying those lies doesnt help their ego, it leaves them wondering what they did wrong, then they go into the next date making the same mistakes. It hurts the ego more than you know. if you tell him how you arent compatible, and how he was a jerk, then he will make the decisions on whether or not he wants to learn from it for his future. lying about the real reasons helps no one but you. I'm direct with guys who I don't care about at all or who were not very nice to me. But this guy was very sweet so I have a hard time being direct. Are you worried about hurting his feelings, or are you more worried about avoiding the guilt that you built up for yourself?
chimneychamp Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) So I went on a date with a guy a while ago with whom I actually had a lot of fun with. We ended up making out too. But I just didn't think we were compatible and didn't feel high attraction for him even though I really enjoyed his company...I didn't know what to tell him after so I just stopped talking to him. I know not the best way to do it! Now he's found me again and asked me why did I stop talking to him and I'm not sure what to say...I don't want to hurt his ego since he is a great guy. I swear to god I will never learn how to say no to a guy without hurting him. If I tell him we're not compatible, he will ask me why? And I don't have anything to say...I can't tell him the real reason which is lack of physical attraction. Thoughts? I'll never get why people feel it is appropriate to just drop off the face of the earth. In the past few years I've gotten this treatment about 80% of the time. And it is enough to drive me insane... Ladies, just say you're not into me! Really, it's the best way!!! Otherwise do you know how I take it? First, I wonder if there's something wrong with your phone (ah, she's got it powered off). Then I wonder if you're okay. Then (after about a week) I "take the hint." Then I change my mind about taking the hint and wonder again if there is something wrong with one of us receiving voicemails/texts. Or, maybe she is choosing between me and someone else? Maybe I should call again... Then I wonder if you think I'm a creep (because I've left about 3+ messages by this point, all unanswered). Then I assume you hate me (because if you didn't, you'd have given at least some kind of reply, right?) Then I honestly feel like a creep. Then I delete your number and add you to my list of women who seemed so warm, only to vanish just when I thought we were making a connection. Then I feel clueless. But at least you didn't hurt me by rejecting me after our date :D:D:D:D:D:D Edited May 11, 2012 by chimneychamp 2
Eddie Edirol Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Ladies, just say you're not into me! Really, it's the best way!!! For most people, this wont happen, They are too much of a coward to handle this type of situation.
darkmoon Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 To a sensitive person any rejection will get them furious. Hell a no is a nice rejection to me. They need to deal with some disrespectful black women. They delve out some of the harshest rejections. Trust me after dealing with that a no a good thing. i know some women just blurt out an insult; an unattractive (very fat, grubby T-shirt) man, i know one, may not see his faults, in this case he was very mean, stalking her with abusive shouting
firehawk_1 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 reading just the original post: I think you are too picky and fussy and not realistic. its not all about looks/attraction. you admit you had a good time - thats what counts to have a proper solid relationship. its not all about looks. if it were then you would have been with someone by now but even you know that the "best looking" person in the world can be so dumb and stupid - maybe that is your type, I dont know but with the way it sounds which completely comes across from your post, you are, like others, trying to lok for something that does NOT exist but only in your own mind. furthermore you even admitted you made out. I mean COME ON! it sounds like you are a player and a user.... please be real. dont miss out on something that is solid otherwise why bother? Where does it get you? no where at all.
The Last Heero Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Women should just be direct and cut the guy off at the knees instead of trying to be nice. You are actually doing a guy a dis-service by trying to be nice when rejecting him. This saves a ton of time for both parties.
The Last Heero Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 reading just the original post: I think you are too picky and fussy and not realistic. its not all about looks/attraction. you admit you had a good time - thats what counts to have a proper solid relationship. its not all about looks. if it were then you would have been with someone by now but even you know that the "best looking" person in the world can be so dumb and stupid - maybe that is your type, I dont know but with the way it sounds which completely comes across from your post, you are, like others, trying to lok for something that does NOT exist but only in your own mind. furthermore you even admitted you made out. I mean COME ON! it sounds like you are a player and a user.... please be real. dont miss out on something that is solid otherwise why bother? Where does it get you? no where at all. Agree. It seems like she gets off on dick teasing this guy. Totally not cool. She is no different from a male player. Cut the guy loose so he can quickly move on and save time.
Princess71 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Having recently been very nicely rejected myself, I can tell you that whatever you decide to do, do not tell someone you want to remain friends unless you mean it. You may think it softens the blow to agree to be friends, but unless you follow through with that it just ends up being a double rejection when you avoid them again.
WhiteChocolate Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Why did you make-out with him? Boredom that needed tending to or just a desperate act of validation to know that you were still attractive? I've made out with a couple of people I didn't find attractive. It's mostly the heat of the moment thing. Like, for some reason at that moment they seem attractive. Later on, when I've cooled off, I realized what a stupid thing it was to do. Whenever this has happened (only twice), I've picked up the phone and apologized and told them that I didn't think it will work out - no details. And then quickly ended the convo and left it at that. I'll admit there was a bit of boredom and some self-validation involved. But at the same time, it's not like I was absolutely disgusted; there was SOME attraction there. But only for that night. Just providing a viewpoint on why the OP might have done what she did. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Even if it was a guy you really liked and were crushing on and found physically attractive? Most women spend so much time on beauty prep! So if a guy you really liked and tried your best to look good for said, "Sorry, you're not that physically attractive" it wouldn't bother you? You must have an iron heart! No, I didn't say that. Saying "You are not physically attractive" is unnecessarily mean. However, saying "I am not attracted to you" would be OK. It's just a variation of "There is no spark" which may be more PC. Seriously, I feel that enough men are physically attracted to me not to be bothered by the ones that are not.
TheFinalWord Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 No, I didn't say that. Saying "You are not physically attractive" is unnecessarily mean. However, saying "I am not attracted to you" would be OK. It's just a variation of "There is no spark" which may be more PC. Seriously, I feel that enough men are physically attracted to me not to be bothered by the ones that are not. Cool! Always seeing the bright side. I guess that's why you're eternal sunshine!
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Cool! Always seeing the bright side. I guess that's why you're eternal sunshine! That's the attitude that everyone should have - not automatically thinking "OMG I must be ugly" if some guy/girl is not feeling the spark. I actually remember when a guy rejected me with "I am not feeling the spark" line. I really liked him and we had 3 dates. I was bummed out that he rejected me, the reason for his rejection was irrelevant. 2
Author mesmerized Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Why did you make-out with him? Boredom that needed tending to or just a desperate act of validation to know that you were still attractive? Why do I need to make out to know I'm attractive? That doesn't make any sense. Do you think making out with a guy is a hard thing for a girl to achieve? Do people in this thread think women can't make out because they are in the mood for it? Does it always have to be about some other reason? Girls enjoy sexual contacts too you know Anyways, so much judgment in this thread. I guess it never happened to people here that they do something in the heat of the moment and later realize it was probably not a good idea. At the moment we were both into it..but later after I thought about us more I realized we aren't a good match. We kept communicating for like a week after before I slow down and stop. He was coming on strongly and I wasn't sure if I liked him that much. There is another thread going on right now with a guy who is trying to teach people how to pump and dump. I think you guys should blow some steam there instead of here where a girl asks how to nicely reject a guy. Get a grip people.
Author mesmerized Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 I'll never get why people feel it is appropriate to just drop off the face of the earth. In the past few years I've gotten this treatment about 80% of the time. And it is enough to drive me insane... Ladies, just say you're not into me! Really, it's the best way!!! Otherwise do you know how I take it? First, I wonder if there's something wrong with your phone (ah, she's got it powered off). Then I wonder if you're okay. Then (after about a week) I "take the hint." Then I change my mind about taking the hint and wonder again if there is something wrong with one of us receiving voicemails/texts. Or, maybe she is choosing between me and someone else? Maybe I should call again... Then I wonder if you think I'm a creep (because I've left about 3+ messages by this point, all unanswered). Then I assume you hate me (because if you didn't, you'd have given at least some kind of reply, right?) Then I honestly feel like a creep. Then I delete your number and add you to my list of women who seemed so warm, only to vanish just when I thought we were making a connection. Then I feel clueless. But at least you didn't hurt me by rejecting me after our date :D:D:D:D:D:D tbh, a guy gave that treatment too and yes, it does hurt when they don't respond. I'm not proud of what I dd and that's why I want to tell him something now that he's asked me again.
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