b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 I have posted my story on here and in short terms... My girl broke up with me I pushed and pleaded for her to come back she did not so I have been trying to do the no contact thing. Okay so I have not talked with my ex since I sent her a letter and asked her to right me one back. She wrote me a text message at 2:30 am last night saying she was trying to write the letter but it was really hard. So I sent her one back asking why? immediately after she called me! She asked what I have been up to, and I just said working out a ton, hanging with the hommies, and meeting new people. She then responded with are you meeting new girls? I told her I didn't want to say but she was persistent until I answered yes. She asked if I was going to date them and I said yes. She then said that she wishes that I will meet one better looking, nicer and someone that will treat me better then she did. She also said that it should'nt be to hard to find someone better. She also said sorry for being the heartless biotch she has been being. She also said that she was just hanging out with her friends and at least she is not on the prowl for other people. I told her that she already knows how I feel about things. She really sounded upset and she also asked why I even liked her so much to begin with, the answers I gave her made her start to cry. She said that she wishes me the best of luck and that she is happy for me that I am meeting knew people. I told her I don't need the luck, I am doing just fine. She then said good night and hung up. It felt good to be able to think that over this weekend I was major pimpin and I did meet a ton of new girls, and extra good to meet one that I used to date that is looking extremely good and wants to hang out. What am I supposed to do about all of this I really want her back!!!!!!!!!!!! What sense can I make of this? Please help me!!!!!!
Apollo432 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 This has been happening to me this week as well. We both work together and she tracked me down while on break. I think you handeled the situation beautifully. You were upbeat confident and you told her that you were meeting new people and women at that. I know it is hard when they call and dont give you what you want to hear. I am in the same boat. She is moving on and making sure that I am eithr ok or still waiting for her. SHE WILL NOT GET THAT SATISFACTION. I dont know if I want her back for the right reasons. I think I just want a bit of control back. I think you just need to keep up with the N/C thing if she was tersting the waters this may be a good sign but, you must stay strong and let her come to you if that is what she wants. Why would you want someone to go back to you for all the wrong reasons? It has been 3 weeks for me and I feel extremely lousy but, I know that everything happens for a reason and that if we are meant to be together we will be.
Author b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 You guys really help me. If I never found this sight I would have had no idea how to handle that situation. I thought I handled pretty good to. Now I just don't know what to do. I really have been meeting so many girls its seems as if I have found some inner confidence or something...but really I have been it feels great! Usually I am to shy to talk with girsl that has for some reason changed. But I still want my girl back.
dreamguy Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Ok, you're asking for help but at least please try to follow it to the word. Otherwise you're gonna ruin it all. My ex (who dumped me) called me yesterday (after 19 days of no contact from my side). I have a post about that called "No Contact Does Work - Ex Called" listed under Second Chances. Onward to your case... "She then responded with are you meeting new girls? I told her I didn't want to say but she was persistent until I answered yes. She asked if I was going to date them and I said yes." Great answer, just don't go too far with the "other girls" thing. Don't tell her you're making out with one of them because you'll either come out as an obvious liar or if she ends up believing you then she'll be so hurt that you might lose her for good. Remember the golden strategy... not too much and not too little. By the way this works with everything in life. Some dating books call it the "Goldie Locks Strategy". Too little can make the other person run away and too much can make them get bored and take you for granted. "She then said that she wishes that I will meet one better looking, nicer and someone that will treat me better then she did. She also said that it should'nt be to hard to find someone better." Here's what mine said when she let me go, she said "you'll forget all about me in no time." and do you know what I answered ? Nothing, I just continued the conversation pretending she didn't even say that. It killed her !! Although she didn't show it. "She also said sorry for being the heartless bitch she has been being. She also said that she was just hanging out with her friends and at least she is not on the prowl for other people. I told her that she already knows how I feel about things." Sorry to say that you screwed up on this one !! You know, just because someone starts saying they are sorry (especially when they are the ones who hurt you and misused your trust) you don't have to get all mushy. Do you know why she said she was sorry for being a heartless bitch ? Because she tried a first approach with you by saying "You will meet one better looking, nicer and someone that will treat you better then she did" and it didn't work so she changed plans !! She went for the "Feel sorry for me" thing to make you come out of your shell and admit your feelings again. Sadly enough you did when you said "you already knows how I feel about things". That's a no no NO ! it's like saying "here, I don't need the power and control I'm taking back ... you can have them again to wreck my life." I think you should have answered her by "Naaaa don't worry about it, I'm over it now... it's just the past." I told her I don't need the luck, I am doing just fine. Thank God you stabilized the situation again by saying this. She cried ? well I don't want to sound heartless but do you think she really felt bad for you when you cried your heart out after the break ? I doubt it, I think she was pretty much pre-occupied by her own confusion. I'm not saying you should enjoy making her cry ! I'm just saying it's ok if she does... that's what humans do when they are in pain (but she started it by dumping you) so your conscience should be clear on this. What sense can I make of this? When I told my ex that I had to get going because I was really busy she got mad too and said "fine, bye" and hung up as well. It's a normal protective measure. You're regaining control, she's knows it... she's fears that with the control you have you'll hurt her real bad to get your revenge so she runs away before you get the chance to do that. Don't follow her because you'll only scare her off !! Stay put !! All you did was act cool and neutral and that gave you back supremacy. You're only starting to get the upper hand back and yet she's already unable to control her emotions !! Don't worry, stay away for now... don't chase her. Give her time to deal with her new born fears. Let her understand they are unjustified. Give her time to adapt and accept the fact that you're the one in control now but you won't abuse it. She'll call again. There's no reason why she shouldn't. Why are you in panic ? You didn't do anything wrong !!! Did you hang up on her ? NO. Did you insult her ? NO. Did you tell her you didn't love her ? NO. Did you tell her to take a hike ? NO. Relax and wait. When she calls again (it make take her sometime depending on how tough she is to deal with her feelings), be the same neutral and cool guy but this time, no talking about feelings and the fact that she already knows how you feel about things. Eventually, she'll start trusting you again (it's a slow process) and she'll come to the conclusion that your poised attitude is a sincere one. She'll be gradually be drawn back into the relationship. Don't speed up things, let her work at her own pace. She might be testing the waters. You can't be sure about anything yet. You just sit tight and be calm. React, don't act !! Keep us posted about the latest news and good luck !
dasani08810 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 My guess is that she was digging for compliments. 'I suck, I'm such a bi%$#, you'll find someone prettier" While all this may be true :-); I think what she was looking for from you was: "Oh Baby, I'll never find someone to replace you. You are a nice person, you are the prettiest girl I could ever have...blah blah blah" She wanted you to argue with her that they she isn't bad and you think she's just GREAT! They want to know that you still think of them as a "standard". That tells them you aren't over them and they can still continue the game. You did well grasshopper!!! Keep it up!!
Apollo432 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 I feel like I know all of you personally. I think all of the advice on this board is great. While I try to maintain a positive attitude I can help but think that it is over for good. I know she is talking to someone else and THAT KILLS ME! She is prob doing it all the times when we used to talk on the phone I.E right b4 bed. I have struggled like all of you have blaming myself and wondring what I did wrong to deserve this . I DID NOTHING WRONG. I believe in my heart that she is very co dependant and that she was not ready for the move and the commitment I was wanting her to make. There is nothing I can do about this except keep up with the no contact thing and and pray that things work out for the best. I have no idea what she is thinking right now? I wish her well at one point b/c I still love her but at the same time I want this new guy to turn out to be an a@#hole and her realise what she lost. I dont know if it will happen I can only hope. I have been reading a lot of posts on here and it seems with situations like ours they normally dont work out. That could be because the people who it does work out for are not posting to the board with updates anymore. I CAN ONLY HOPE. I honestly believe that I smothered her b/c I thought that that is what she wanted. But, now I know I should have backed off and played hard to get. I HATE THE GAMES! IM TO OLD FOR THAT CRAP. I know someday and I dont think anytime soon she will realise what she gavew up and will track me down whereever I am. I am just so hurt by her talking to this other guy I dont know if I could forgive her. THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT I LOVE THIS BOARD.
Author b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 I just asked where her self esteem was. To her statement of it wont be that hard to find somebody better. I told her that it bothered me that she has no self esteem left. And to not say stuff like that anymore.
iceprincess Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 I think she really missed you, (and she probably still does) that's why when you text her back she called you. I'm glad that you're meeting new people and having fun because she was the one that left you. You let go of your pride when you begged her to come back but she didn't. If you really miss her too then maybe you should have a talk with her. Sometimes two people that are in love, just need a break as an eye-opener. If you feel that you can still meet other people then maybe you shouldn't be with your ex, but if this break-up is hurting her just as bad as it's hurting you then it won't harm to have an honest talk about each other's feelings. Good luck.
Author b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 I have tried but she told me that nothing can be said to get her back and she doesn't want the relationship anymore. But thanks for the advice.
Author b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 So am I just supposed to keep up the no contact thing? Should I just wait untill she calls me again if she ever does? And if she does not should I call her in a month or so just to see how she is?
samething. Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 I know its hard but, you need to go back to the no contact thing. It did sound as if she wanted to hear you says that she was still your everything and that you were waiting for her. The fact that you didnt was great. It would have ruined things. But, since you did tell her you were meeting new people and were moving on N/C is the right thing to do. I dont want you to think that if you dont call her she will think you have given up b/c she wont. With what Iam going through personally makes me think that (IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD) when you find the right one there wont be any breaks or space or N/C to find out what they want. You will work everything out together as partners. REMEMBER SHE KNOWS HOW TO CONTACT YOU AND SHE DID. That is a good sign but you need to play it cool. In my world and as you have said love has no pride so if she truly loves you and wants to be with you she will let you know. YOU OWE THAT TO YOURSELF. She broke up with you and you have done and said everything you could (just like me). It is her decision wether you like it or not.
dreamguy Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 "I just asked where her self esteem was. To her statement of it wont be that hard to find somebody better. I told her that it bothered me that she has no self esteem left. And to not say stuff like that anymore". You mean you got in touch with her again right after she called you ?? "So am I just supposed to keep up the no contact thing? Should I just wait untill she calls me again if she ever does? And if she does not should I call her in a month or so just to see how she is?" A month or so, something like that. For now give it a few weeks. I bet you won't even get to that point because she'll call you again. I don't agree with iceprincess. I think he has already talked so much about his feelings in the past that he could easily refrain from doing so for the next decade ! All it did was drive her away. And if does it again it'll drive her away again for good this time (sorry if I am rude but she'll think: Not again, I thought he changed. I thought he became a challenge but it looks like "once a loser always a loser"). Don't Do It !
Author b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 No I said that while we were talking I just left that out in the post. So I should just not talk to her at all, I will not call, no messages, no letters no nothing. I feel great because now she will wonder what I am doing and who I am with instead of me wondering what she is doing. I put the ball in her court she can make the next move, in the meantime I am moving on it feels so GOOOOOOOOD!!!!!
Apollo432 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 I have to agree here. If you go back to your old ways she will think that she can just walk all over you again. I think everyone tries real hard during the initial breakup to change and get the other person back. It just drives them further away. I also think that you did great and she will definatly be thinking about what you had said and she will call you back. But, do not call her. I know you have said all you can say and have done all you can do sometimes you need to just leave it at that. I honestly believe that it doesnt need to be this hard. When you find that one true love, there will be no breaks, no space and no N/C. I have thought long and hard about this. Why would I want someone who needs space from me to figure out what they want? Why would I subject myself to that. I DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT. I do still love her and want to think that someday it will work out. But, that will happen regardless of wether I go on with my life now. Its like I dont even know who she is anymore? If you do get back together you need to take it real slow and only give as much as she gives (maybe less) keep her guessing for awhile she will feel just as bad as you have felt. I know that is not the nice thing to do but, maybe that is what it will take.
Author b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 I am for sure not going to just take her back, she hurt me really bad and I am not going to set myself up for that again. I in time may not even want her back depending on how things go, I am starting to see how many more people there really are out there. Since the breakup she has really starting partying and drinking and if that continues I will def. not want her back, she can just keep on doing those things untill she realizes how miserable she is. While I will be dating all sorts of beautiful women. Only time can tell.
Apollo432 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 WAY TO GO! AGAIN IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD! I have a great family who is helping me through this. I have two sisters who are happily married right now and have gone what we are going through about 5 times each. The keep telling me the same thing, IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD. Over time our hearts will decide what they really want. Right now it is clouded in pride, self doubt, self esteem on the floor and just the fact that we were rejected. Our hearts will heal and learn to love others or maybe our heart will decide that it is worth another shot at our ex's. But, that will take time. Maybe a long time.....but Im 27 and have the rest of my life to find someone who I know would never consider doing this to me.
Author b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 Thats the attitude we just need to keep thinking the way we are because you are probably the same as me in the fact that I can't handle being depressed and sad and upset anymore. I can't let my ex beat me I am stronger then her. We are making it.
Apollo432 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 I hope so. I have been thinking that I dont feel this way because I dont love her or she doesnt love me it just wasnt the right time. I also think that I am clouded by the present and the future looks so bleak right now. I know we can get through this It will just take time. I do want to go out and meet new people but, have a hard time. Everyone that I talk to say it should be easy for me but its not. I go out and just feel depressed and think that no one can live up to my expectations after my ex.
Author b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 You need to go out at just start talking to all sorts of people thats what I did I starting building up confidence and kazzam, I met 5 different really good looking women in just one weekend. They all seem really cool and I love being able to make people laugh, so thats what I try to do. It is fun just being myself you just need to break out of the shell she has put you in. It is really fun. You gotta try.
Apollo432 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 Iam! I need to. There is life after all of this. I think that I need to stop all of this and just go out and do it. I hope she runs into me with one of my new dates. That would really throw her a curve ball. Thanks for all your help. Its weird I have my good minutes and my bad minutes. They can come and go just like that.
Author b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 Me and you sound like we have a lot in common, its like a rollercoaster ride huh. It will be that way for awhile and expect that the healing process does take time. You should try working out, that really helps me because the women love it and if I ever see my ex again she will be like DAMN! cuz I am starting to look really good. The way I look at it...Try and not think about her, go out on dates just try and see whats out there. There is so much out there it is crazy. In the meantime you will be getting over her and meeting new people then if she does come back its your choice on what to do. Just be confident with yourself you are worth it and you will find somebody that will realize how awesome you are! and they will not give that away for anything. I last week was so depressed I was ready to just fall down and give up, over the weekend I had such a good time that it really has started to change my outlook on everything. Just do it! You have to put a line in the sand step over that line and never look back and say" Hey I will beat this I am strong and I will not let this girl break me down. (Keep smiling and just fake being happy if you can, your mind will start to believe you.) My dad told me that one.
Apollo432 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 I have always worked out. I lost a lot of weight when the break happened and now the 6 pack is almost there. It really does help. I get done with my workout and feel like a million bucks. It does seem like we have a lot in common. I have not really ever posted my story on here just little bits and pieces. I know I can beat this I know she will want me back and what a glorious day that will be. I highly doubt I would take her back. There 103 reasons why the relationship was doomed and only one reason why it lasted.(LOVE) It is an amazing thing. So are you picking up these girls in bars or all over? I need to be more outgoing and just walk up to any girl that catces my eye but, I have never been good at that. I guess my self esteem couldnt get any worse. You say I will be surprised about whats out there. Well this weekend I will go and see. Thanks for your encouragement. Its funny how all women are looking for sensitive caring men and they are all posting on LOveShack. Someone go and tell em we are waiting.
Author b18bme Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 LOL!!! Ya for real we are here for you women come and get us. Well I meet them wherever doesn't really matter I just see someone and say hey she puts her pants on one leg at a time just like me. If she rejects me oh well, I am to good for her anyway. Once you make up your mind the rest is history it sounds like you have made up your mind so, it is now time. Go get em!!!
Apollo432 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 I like your out look I am taking a long weekend this weekend and will give it a shot. I will update you on Monday.
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