jim40 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I have been dating a girl for about 7 months or so. I really love her but she broke up with me recently. I take alot of the blame for it because i was a liitle too possessive. At the sane time though it feels like she never respects my point of view. She said she didnt want a relationship right now and needed some time. Today she said she wanted to be fwb with me. It floored me when i heard it but later on i agreed to it. It hurts though....
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Not a great idea if you have feelings for the person. I'd back out of the agreement, and go no contact. It's not the way to make progress.
Author jim40 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Here is another thing that is tripping me out. She says she wants to be exclusive fwb with me. She doesnt want me having sex with anyone else and she doesnt want to either.
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 well in that case she wants to be your GF - but she just doesn't want to be called your GF. Really, you need to back off from this silliness. Tell her to stop playing mind-Games. Tell her either you're an item, or you're done. 1
Author jim40 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Well she was sick of me hounding her all the time but yes it is very silly and, frankly, kinda weird. What do u mean she doesnt wanna be called my gf?
Author jim40 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 The thing is i love her and feel that alot of it was my fault. That is why i put up with the games i guess. On the other hand she has total control. I am like putty in her hands.
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 .....Today she said she wanted to be fwb with me. She says she wants to be exclusive fwb with me. She doesnt want me having sex with anyone else and she doesnt want to either. So let's just get this straight.....she wants to just be friends with benefits, but she only wants to have sex with you, and will not be happy if you have sex with anyone else....? so in other words... she will be faithful to you, and won't tolerate you cheating on her. Hello....? "A rose by any other name...." If it walks like a duck, and looks like a duck.... she is your GF. she just isn't comfortable with calling it a 'relationship' right now.....
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 The thing is i love her and feel that alot of it was my fault. That is why i put up with the games i guess. On the other hand she has total control. I am like putty in her hands. well, that's your choice, isn't it?
Author jim40 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 2 nights in a row now she deliberately made plans with me and at the last second she doesnt call and doesnt show up. I know what she is doing...she is trying to prove to me that she can do whatever she wants, when she wants. Its cool but its more games. I feel pitiful today but i am not putting up a fight or letting it show.
Author jim40 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Would that be an agreement between the both of us...something we discuss?
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 No. NC is for your benefit, not hers.... Read the link in my signature (The Caliguy one - post #2 in this thread....). He actually worked in the same building, for the same company, as his ex. just went completely NC on her. had the desired effect...... If you feel you need to tell her, then tell her; it's not up for discussion. You tell her, you don't reach a mutual agreement. "Being in touch with you rips me to the core. the way I feel about you, friendship is out of the question. I am going NC. Do me the courtesy of not contacting me again." Short, sweet, direct and straight to the point. Nothing there to discuss or misunderstand.
Author jim40 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Ok. This morning she texted me with "good morning handsome". Lol...i feel like i am in the twilight zone...haha! Not bragging but i am a good looking guy. She has said before she has never dated anyone so good looking and she loves the sex.
Author jim40 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 I just want it to be equal or at least 70% to 30%...lol. There ia always a fight for control and power.
NateC Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Ok. This morning she texted me with "good morning handsome". Lol...i feel like i am in the twilight zone...haha! Not bragging but i am a good looking guy. She has said before she has never dated anyone so good looking and she loves the sex. If she loves it so much...then show her that it's not easy to get. Don't let her play games and think that you'll never leave and lose you. Basically: tell her how you feel. If she doesn't agree/care, then you have your answer.
jennisfora Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 frankly, this is mental abuse...she is treating you like a cat treats a mouse, i would walk away. you are a person with feelings. i am confused just reading this. this girl is immature and confused, doesn't know what she wants, and does not care how it affects you or about treating you right. *hugs* 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I just want it to be equal or at least 70% to 30%...lol. There ia always a fight for control and power. Yeah, and the moment - the absolute instant - you cave and respond, she has it. 99%. And that's being generous...... to you..... Go - and stay - No Contact!!
Author jim40 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 I dont want to believe she doesnt care. I dont want to believe any of this. I am fu**ed up!! I think i am the one that needs some help...not her. I am whipped beyond recognition.
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 OK. So stay no contact and ring the Samaritans, or see a counsellor. You're right, I think you do need help - but that's not to say it's not available. If you believe you need help, Then that's the first step in getting it. Go get it.
Professor X Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 It does sound like she has read a really bad book about RS where she was told that women who play hard to get or play push-pull games win the guy... and she follows those steps. Cause what she's doing sounds so stupid, it must be from a book. Not sure what to tell you... I suppose you should be upfront with her in what you want. If you won't, you'll suffer in the long run.
Author jim40 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Well i was being a little sarcastic. I think its important to point out, i am a sensitive person...just the way i am. I do need to work on that and stop getting eaten up by sharks. On the other hand, i think its pretty lame for someone to prey on someone elses weakness's. This may be a wake up call...big time...blessing in disguise.
marsha80 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I find that whenever you have to question your 'relationship' your doubts are usually right.
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Well i was being a little sarcastic. I think its important to point out, i am a sensitive person...just the way i am. I do need to work on that and stop getting eaten up by sharks. On the other hand, i think its pretty lame for someone to prey on someone elses weakness's. This may be a wake up call...big time...blessing in disguise. 'm sorry, i wasn't alert to the sarcasm... but i wrote what i wrote with kind intention...
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