Woggle Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Thoughts on this article. Susan Shapiro Barash: Why Women Cheat: How Women's Infidelities Can Save Marriages
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 only if it's a physical fling and absolutely nobody ever finds out. maybe. otherwise? Absolutely not.
Bellechica Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 The majority of women don't just physical affairs.
stillwater Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 So these women are getting their emotional and sexual needs met by another guy, which allows them to stay in an otherwise unhappy or unfulfilling relationship? And I'm supposed to believe that's "saving the marriage"? Excuse me while I laugh harder. 10
michelangelo Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 They're destroying their marriage, a sacred vow. Deception extends to themselves. Idiotic blogger taps out nonsense and it doesn't make it true. 3
MediumRare Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Susan Barash is a total idiot that is trying to make excuses for the ultimate betrayal. Only selfish, uncaring people do this as they are introducing substantial risk (HIV and STD's) as well as betraying their vows, trust and love of their partners by having affairs. How can anyone condone one partner crapping all over their vows and promise to be monogamous while the other is held respecting said vows? If your marriage is that poor, then seek counseling, talk to your partner, separate, or get a divorce. Having an affair can not strengthen a marriage as it can only forever put a black stain that one partner will be forced to live with for the rest of their life should they decide to stay with someone that would lie, betray as well as put their selfish needs ahead of their promises, vows and health of their unknowing partner. 4
SomedayDig Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Hate to say it, but that article reeks of extreme left feminism bullsh**. For my situation, the only way my W's affair helped the marriage is that through our short time of working on reconciliation, we have grown closer only because she is being open and honest with me. Something that hasn't happened in a long time. An affair is f'ng poison. Period. There's no way it can "save" a marriage. To think so is ludicrous. Its all Sex in the City and OC television crap. 1
SandieBeach Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I don't feel like reading the article, so I won't, but one way an affair can potentially save a marriage (or make the marriage stronger) is if one spouse has an affair to fulfill some void but still loves the other spouse, the other spouse finds out, and the shock of this revelation forces both spouses to give everything they've got to work on their marriage because they don't want to lose one another. I would strongly advise against this method of saving a marriage though... 2
SomedayDig Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I don't feel like reading the article, so I won't, but one way an affair can potentially save a marriage (or make the marriage stronger) is if one spouse has an affair to fulfill some void but still loves the other spouse, the other spouse finds out, and the shock of this revelation forces both spouses to give everything they've got to work on their marriage because they don't want to lose one another. I would strongly advise against this method of saving a marriage though... That's my situation to a T. Even using the words that my wife used when opening up to me about it. I also advise against this method as a form of dieting. While it works quite well (I lost almost 25 unwanted pounds), it ain't a nice way to lose weight!! 1
YellowShark Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Well if I follow the logic then stealing "a bit" from work may actually improve my career! 1
Furious Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 The article interesting, it has got me thinking, instead of going through all the cost of MC and IC in an attempt to reconcile with my WS, I should just cheat on him instead and viola...my marriage is saved. Brilliant! 2
96nole Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 That's my situation to a T. Even using the words that my wife used when opening up to me about it. I also advise against this method as a form of dieting. While it works quite well (I lost almost 25 unwanted pounds), it ain't a nice way to lose weight!! I've lost the same amount of weight. The divorce diet. It's all the rage! I think the writer of that article is just paid by the word. It's complete crap. If the WS spent half the energy they use to conceal the affair on helping the marriage, the marriage will be as much or more fulfilling than the affair. My STBXW's affair didn't save my marriage. What it did was cause a lot of heart break for a lot of family members. And she got the boot out the door for it as well. 2
96nole Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 The article interesting, it has got me thinking, instead of going through all the cost of MC and IC in an attempt to reconcile with my WS, I should just cheat on him instead and viola...my marriage is saved. Brilliant! Well I think it's time to get back out there and get some more phone numbers. It's up to you if you want to wear underwear. 2
SomedayDig Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Well I think it's time to get back out there and get some more phone numbers. It's up to you if you want to wear underwear. LMAO!!! See...sometimes levity IS a good thing in this damned place!
Ninja'sHusband Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) An A will only drive the two people apart. The thought that it would save a M is laughable and insulting. It certainly didn't ****ing save mine. What happens when they get pregnant, or even get afraid they got pregnant and then *really* get pregnant by trying to muddy the waters? Or when they get so caught up with OM they just want out of their M? What happens when they finally get caught? As are the cancer that destroy M, not save it. Edited May 11, 2012 by Ninja'sHusband
cocorico Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I don't know about saving a marriage but I do think cheating can make a marriage more bearable in the short term, like when one or both partners are only staying together until the kids are grown. If your needs are not being met in the marriage but you get them met elsewhere then the urgency of leaving can be lessened.
SomedayDig Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I don't know about saving a marriage but I do think cheating can make a marriage more bearable in the short term, like when one or both partners are only staying together until the kids are grown. If your needs are not being met in the marriage but you get them met elsewhere then the urgency of leaving can be lessened. In an open marriage, maybe...but to not disclose is 100% betrayal and wrong. Period. 6
Furious Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) I don't know about saving a marriage but I do think cheating can make a marriage more bearable in the short term, like when one or both partners are only staying together until the kids are grown. If your needs are not being met in the marriage but you get them met elsewhere then the urgency of leaving can be lessened. I agree...cheating can make a lousy marriage more bearable, perhaps give the children the illusion of a happy home. So cheating in your opinion is for the greater good. Edited May 12, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator edited out inflammatory remark 2
96nole Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I don't know about saving a marriage but I do think cheating can make a marriage more bearable in the short term, like when one or both partners are only staying together until the kids are grown. If your needs are not being met in the marriage but you get them met elsewhere then the urgency of leaving can be lessened. I'm sorry but if the marriage is that bad, just get the hell out. At some point the affairs will be exposed. There will be fights and resentment. The kids will see it and it will have a negative effect on them. The only way that can work is if it is an agreed upon open marriage. 2
nofool4u Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Cheating can't save a marriage, no matter what the justifiers think. The premise that if someone cheats and gets what they want, or are missing in their marriage, then there is no marriage. Hence nothing to "save". It might allow the marriage to "continue", and that is it.
nofool4u Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I don't know about saving a marriage but I do think cheating can make a marriage more bearable in the short term, like when one or both partners are only staying together until the kids are grown. If your needs are not being met in the marriage but you get them met elsewhere then the urgency of leaving can be lessened. Why be married? Cheaters need to man/woman up and take responsibility. Anyone who cheats is not fit for marriage. Anyone that thinks I'm wrong can spearhead a movement to get "forsaking all others" removed from the vows.
2long Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 The article shows, rather dramatically, that even educated people can say and believe truly S2PID things. She's talking about giving "credit" 2 the affair for a couple saving their marriage, as if the couple wouldn't make the effort if there hadn't been something awful 2 save it FROM. This is just as idiotic as giving your marriage counselor or coach credit for saving your marriage after an affair. The simple truth is that the couple who saves their marriage after any tragedy gets ALL the credit for doing so. -ol' 2long 1
Author Woggle Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Stuff like this is the reason people don't like feminists. 1
96nole Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Stuff like this is the reason people don't like feminists. This article is not a feminist viewpoint. This article is the viewpoint of a f*cking dumbass. I know several feminists that are appalled by this behavior. Anyone that is in favor of lying, betrayal, and cheating in a way that will harm someone they supposedly "love" is just a lousy human being. 1
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