xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 what happens when your SO works too much? How do you guys make a relationship when your SO works lkng hours so much so it's affecting the relationship? He works for his dad on their family business and his hours are very irregular. sometimes when I text him he doesn't get back to him until 5-6 hours later. I understand his job is important to him but I feel like since I rarely see him, any minimal means of communication especially kthru text is important.
FitChick Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 See if you can get a job working in the family business.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 See if you can get a job working in the family business. that's not really an option. its sad how much he hates wprking for his family ywt he's not willing to look at other career options .
kaylan Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) Lol this guy still? Find a guy who will make time for you. Even when my best friend was working crazy hours that included afternoon shifts mixed with overnights during the week, he still tried his hardest to see his ex when she lived 80 miles away. And he made damn sure to let her know how much he appreciated their time together. Find a guy like that. Edited May 11, 2012 by kaylan
FrustratedStandards Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Uuff. This is a tough one because i'm like that. I love my work more than anything. But you should know that just because he is so dedicated and in love with his work doesn't mean you are secondary. The two are very different. If it's affecting your relationship then tell him. He might be more conscious about the little things that mean a lot (responding to your texts for example).
kaylan Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Also I still feel if homeboy was that into you, even if he didnt see you alot, that hed talk to you more. I know that for me personally, if I couldnt see my girl much, Id still call her almost every night just to catch up even if the convos arent too long. Thats me though, Im very communicative.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Uuff. This is a tough one because i'm like that. I love my work more than anything. But you should know that just because he is so dedicated and in love with his work doesn't mean you are secondary. The two are very different. If it's affecting your relationship then tell him. He might be more conscious about the little things that mean a lot (responding to your texts for example). I talked to him about it, his reasoning was that this was his life and ue doesn't really have a say. his family is pretty strict especially his dad. even though I nevef met him I once heard him talk to my guy over the phone; he was rather commanding and authorative and sounded like someone who doesn't take no for an answer. one thing I really hate about his behaviour is that even though I am trying fo be understanding anouf his job he has a habit of making stupid little promises he can't keep. ue always promisez he'll call but never will. I've come to never take it seriously.
kaylan Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 So hes a grown man who gets bitched around by his parents because his baseball career never took off and hes forced to work for pa? His situation sounds like that of an ex high school athlete just about to enter college. Homeboy needs to man up and take control of his life if he isnt happen with his work-life balance. 1
FrustratedStandards Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 First of all, he needs to work for HIMSELF, not for his father. If he spends his entire life running everything by his dad, making sure his dad is happy, then i'm sorry but about when his dad kicks the bucket? Then what? He needs to start making his own life, and if he plans to do that with you, he can't afford to neglect you just so he doesn't get sh*t from his parents. My family is like this. They command and command and think they know what's best. I have wasted YEARS of my life trying to make them happy, but in the end nothing is ever good enough. I was unhappy and seriously considering to cut all ties. Then, with the support of my boyfriend at the time, I made the decision to live for MYSELF. My relationships got better, my friendships got better, and overall I was a happier person and things started to go my way (they started getting better). So if he can't make up his mind, then i'm sorry but that means he can't make up his mind about you, especially if he had "nothing to say". 2
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Also I still feel if homeboy was that into you, even if he didnt see you alot, that hed talk to you more. I know that for me personally, if I couldnt see my girl much, Id still call her almost every night just to catch up even if the convos arent too long. Thats me though, Im very communicative. Kaylan I get what you're saying. He does when he has the time. On days when he's not to busy his replies arfe usually immediate and fast but when he has his busy days he can't reply to me until he gets off work. By then its usually 8 or 9 and he's tired from working tweleve hours straight. I try to see things from his point of view. When I was working sometimes work gets in the way and I can't be by my phone until 6 hours later. I guess I'm just more conscious of why he hasn't gotten back to me because I quit my job last week and I have more free time on my hands. But even still I would think he would want to talk with me for a little. Or do guys really just want to say " I,ll call you tomorrow" and leaves it at that? Its not so much the late replies that gets to me its the fact he feels like he has to promise me to call ( yet never does) just to make me feel better(?)
kaylan Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 First of all, he needs to work for HIMSELF, not for his father. If he spends his entire life running everything by his dad, making sure his dad is happy, then i'm sorry but about when his dad kicks the bucket? Then what? He needs to start making his own life, and if he plans to do that with you, he can't afford to neglect you just so he doesn't get sh*t from his parents. My family is like this. They command and command and think they know what's best. I have wasted YEARS of my life trying to make them happy, but in the end nothing is ever good enough. I was unhappy and seriously considering to cut all ties. Then, with the support of my boyfriend at the time, I made the decision to live for MYSELF. My relationships got better, my friendships got better, and overall I was a happier person and things started to go my way (they started getting better). So if he can't make up his mind, then i'm sorry but that means he can't make up his mind about you, especially if he had "nothing to say". Me and FS agree on something...thats a sign. Your dude has to break away from the nest completely. 2
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 So hes a grown man who gets bitched around by his parents because his baseball career never took off and hes forced to work for pa? His situation sounds like that of an ex high school athlete just about to enter college. Homeboy needs to man up and take control of his life if he isnt happen with his work-life balance. Yes unfortunately his ego is on the mend because he just got cut off from the team. He actually just got back from new mexico this past Sunday, and he's alrwady back to work. I saw him on Tuesday and even though he acts like everything's alright, he"s putting on a front.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 But … just less than a week ago, he was out of town and unsure whether he'd be returning? How can he go from being away to working so much he can't have time for a girlfriend? I'm not even going to ask how you ended up back with this guy. 4
kaylan Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) Kaylan I get what you're saying. He does when he has the time. On days when he's not to busy his replies arfe usually immediate and fast but when he has his busy days he can't reply to me until he gets off work. By then its usually 8 or 9 and he's tired from working tweleve hours straight. 1. You shouldnt expect immediate and frequent communication on busy days. 2. Its not unreasonable for a gf to want her guy talk to her at the end of his day, even if its only for 20 minutes. He should be able to spare that. Hell, he can do that on the drive home with a hands free phone system hooked up to his speakers. I try to see things from his point of view. When I was working sometimes work gets in the way and I can't be by my phone until 6 hours later. I guess I'm just more conscious of why he hasn't gotten back to me because I quit my job last week and I have more free time on my hands.Um? Why should you be by your phone during work? I wouldnt allow employees to be getting sidetracked with outside communications at work. Save that for lunch break or after work. So heres where I can understand not replying to one another for hours at a time. Since you have more free time, maybe you could go stay over with him more and cook some after work meals for him? Or grab some movies for you two to snuggle up with. But even still I would think he would want to talk with me for a little. Or do guys really just want to say " I,ll call you tomorrow" and leaves it at that? Its not so much the late replies that gets to me its the fact he feels like he has to promise me to call ( yet never does) just to make me feel better(?)Depends on my mood and how tired I am. Sometimes I just dont want to talk and Id rather text. Sometimes Ill want to talk for a little. Sometimes I dont want to be bothered and Im super tired so I will tell someone "hey let me get back to you tomorrow". It all depends. My relationships (only 2) have never been like yours though in the early going. Ive always seen or talked to my exes everyday for the first few months. And if we didnt see or speak to one another, wed text some still. This was like during finals and such. If he promises to call but never does, I think that says how much he cares in my opinion. I know I wouldnt keep having my gal feel crappy because I keep forgetting about her. Id be more mindful than that....but Im not him...so I cant truly say if hes sincerely too busy and forgetting.But … just less than a week ago, he was out of town and unsure whether he'd be returning? How can he go from being away to working so much he can't have time for a girlfriend? I'm not even going to ask how you ended up back with this guy. She makes a great point paper. I never even thought of this. He can bounce to New Mexico and take out time for baseball, but he has so little time for his girlfriend? It doesnt add up hun. Edited May 11, 2012 by kaylan
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 First of all, he needs to work for HIMSELF, not for his father. If he spends his entire life running everything by his dad, making sure his dad is happy, then i'm sorry but about when his dad kicks the bucket? Then what? He needs to start making his own life, and if he plans to do that with you, he can't afford to neglect you just so he doesn't get sh*t from his parents. My family is like this. They command and command and think they know what's best. I have wasted YEARS of my life trying to make them happy, but in the end nothing is ever good enough. I was unhappy and seriously considering to cut all ties. Then, with the support of my boyfriend at the time, I made the decision to live for MYSELF. My relationships got better, my friendships got better, and overall I was a happier person and things started to go my way (they started getting better). So if he can't make up his mind, then i'm sorry but that means he can't make up his mind about you, especially if he had "nothing to say". I don't know how to help him. He has such a defeatist attitude. He literally rold me " well I failed baseball, I"m just gonna have to become a teacher. But its the summer right now so k,m just gonna work for my family. And if I don't become a teacher then this is gonna be my life". I've seen how he acts when it comes to his family.. he loves and takes care of his mom" he"s scared of his dad and he sucks up to his brother. Then when he's with me he tries to act like he has control of his life. ethe thing I care about him and I try to raise his spirit by telling him he has options. He can do a lot of things but he just lacks motivation.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I don't know how to help him. He has such a defeatist attitude. He literally rold me " well I failed baseball, I"m just gonna have to become a teacher. But its the summer right now so k,m just gonna work for my family. And if I don't become a teacher then this is gonna be my life". I've seen how he acts when it comes to his family.. he loves and takes care of his mom" he"s scared of his dad and he sucks up to his brother. Then when he's with me he tries to act like he has control of his life. ethe thing I care about him and I try to raise his spirit by telling him he has options. He can do a lot of things but he just lacks motivation. The only thing I could suggest is to tell him exactly what you told us. That he is scared of his dad, sucks up to his bro, tries to make them all happy. And if he doesn't want to break away from this bad enough, then he will live this life he is carving out for himself. And you don't have to stick around. You need to make this heard.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 But … just less than a week ago, he was out of town and unsure whether he'd be returning? How can he go from being away to working so much he can't have time for a girlfriend? I'm not even going to ask how you ended up back with this guy. He did leave for a week. Due to his shoulder injury he got cut and he came back. The uncertanty was only WHEN they would cut him.
ohmygoshistalk Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 hmm ive read before that men dont want your love, they want your understanding.. that said, this line will apply to your situation. you can remedy it by assuring him that he has your full support, at the end of the day he needs to at least make an effort and say goodnight. it will make a lot of difference. you can probably date on weekends. a better fix would be to live together. some men are legitimately busy and i think you'll know it if he was just being fake-busy just to avoid you. i learned that we should complement people we are with..they should glow from what we can give them. anyway i know how it feels to be "ignored" though. that is a whole different story. that is when i am trying my best to communicate and get nothing in return, not even a sincere apology, not even seeing any effort at all that the other person is trying to compensate from what he can see that i need. empathy is very much a necessity in a relationship. "assign an amount of anxiety youre willing to tolerate on something and if it surpasses, let it go." if you approach a "problem" twice and it doesnt get fixed, it wont get fixed. so either u let him go or u deal with it. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 The weekly thread again... Well, someone had to replace me 2
bean1 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I would never have an SO who makes work a priority over me/family time! Work is work but then there's going overboard... no thanks. Tell me how many women in 20 years are happy having raised their kids alone with a workaholic husband. Tell me how many are still happily married. Next!
veggirl Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 So hes a grown man who gets bitched around by his parents because his baseball career never took off and hes forced to work for pa? His situation sounds like that of an ex high school athlete just about to enter college. Homeboy needs to man up and take control of his life if he isnt happen with his work-life balance. This is on the money. How old is this guy? Sorry but anyone still being led around by the apron strings of mom or dad as an adult is just not okay. What do you like about this dude again? He barely contacts you, his life is a mess, he is depressed...why are you invested in this? The weekly thread again... In some other thread she had called him her ex a week or so ago. Back on the train! woohoo.
Professor X Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 In some other thread she had called him her ex a week or so ago. Back on the train! woohoo. I don't think they ever officially broke up. Not that you can break up from something so broken to begin with. But meh.. I just assume she's gonna stick to him no matter what he does lol. I just remember the thread where she announced she'll never date a workaholic again. But alas, we're here. 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Well, someone had to replace me Unless of course, we're talking..... ......sockpuppets......
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