in the dim Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Me and my fiance have been together 9 years. We have a beautiful daughter and home together. I admit, it hasn't been rainbows and butterflies, being that no real relationships are, but I have never strayed. Recently I have began to notice some extreme red flags pointing to infidelity in our relationship. She all of a sudden likes to wear seductive underwear, which I don't mind, due to the fact that she wore them in the beginning of the relationship. I just believe her new wardrobe change isn't to impress me. She also has started going to gym. She's scheduled off work at 4:00, but sometimes she doesn't show up till 7 or 8 oclock sometimes, saying she stopped at the grocery store. She shows up with groceries, but I don't believe its 3 hours of shopping worth. I havent accused her, but I have addressed my concerns, in which she replies I'm being over-analytical and that I have nothing to worry about. But my intuition is telling me otherwise. I don't have any physical proof but flags are flying everywhere, and I don't want to accuse her, which would only make the situation worse. I love her dearly, but my pride and self-respect won't let me keep a blind eye to her all of a sudden "changes". I don't have a decent support group, so I feel so alone and confused right now. I am open to any suggestions and would greatly appreciate any feedback cause I really need it right now.
Bellechica Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I know many people here will tell you to start tracking her and go PI mode. I think you should talk to her. Ask her how she is feeling. Ask if she is still happy in the relationship. Ask yourself questions as well.... Is she working out to look great as a bride? Are you happy in the relationship? Do you really trust her? Communicate with her......
confused and broken Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 I agree with Bellechica.. communication is key, and whatever you do.. DO NOT marry someone you don't trust! 1
Author in the dim Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 We've talked and she has stressed that she isn't happy and the only reason she hasn't left is because I'm a great dad. I know that is a dead givaway, but it is a really messy situation. I even begin to feel as if her family members are starting to separate themselves, once again I was accused of being paranoid, but it's little things that add up. Plus I had found some flirty texts on her phone, but she swears that's all it was. I feel sooo stupid right now.
Bellechica Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Don't feel stupid. Talk with her. You have a child together. Ask her if she sees the two of you being together as H and W and forever for your child. Ask her why her family is pulling away. Has something happened?
Author in the dim Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 I've purchased the ring and we are currently engaged, but I had discovered the texts after I proposed, which has me wondering. She has a female co-worker she's starting to go out with after work drinking. I don't want to smother her cause I want her to have a life outside of home, but I can't help but wonder, especially since it's all of a sudden.
SoMovinOn Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 You can talk to her until you're blue in the face, but, if she's having an affair, it's highly unlikely she'd tell you. There's an old saying "If you think your spouse is having an affair, you are probably right." You have two options ... ignore it and forget about it - go on with whatever life you two have together, or, do whatever you need to do to find out. If you choose the latter, you'll want to gather solid evidence before confronting her, but, before you even start down that road, you should think about what you'd want to do if you find she is having an A. 1
jnj express Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Your gut is right, her change in lifestyle confirms what your gut is telling you---and now her demonizing you, is her justification for what she is doing If you have talked to her, and gotten nowhere, repeated talking will, since you have no proof/evidence---just drive her deep underground, as she carries on her, whatever it is that she is doing. Read up on all the posts that have discussed how to catch a cheater, what they have used, what they have done, in their own evidence gathering situations Make sure you do not confront her, unless you have solid written/visual evidence/proof---if you have no evidence---she will just deny, and you have no comeback, as you have no evidence She doesn't have to be having sex, for you to confront either---all she has to be doing is violating the script of a married woman, and mother---such as spending time with another man, or texting/talking on phone/social media registrations---things of that nature, go against what a proper married woman would/should be doing----take your time, and gather your evidence the right way---get plenty of it----print out the e-mails, do what you need to do, to save what is on her phone---use VAR, GPS---just do it right the 1st time.
Author in the dim Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Well first and foremost, thank you for taking the time to post your opinion, which you are entitled to, but your slandering of someone you have never met or got to know I just cannot respect. Granted the good father comment would raise suspicion, but I've said some things too that I haven't meant in the heat of the moment. To be honest, I felt your post came from a place of bitterness than from experience so on that note, go **** yourself, besides with all that grow a pair tough talk, its a good chance you already are!
FryFish Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Does that mean you resolved the **** with your cheating fiancée?
KungFuJoe Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Well first and foremost, thank you for taking the time to post your opinion, which you are entitled to, but your slandering of someone you have never met or got to know I just cannot respect. Granted the good father comment would raise suspicion, but I've said some things too that I haven't meant in the heat of the moment. To be honest, I felt your post came from a place of bitterness than from experience so on that note, go **** yourself, besides with all that grow a pair tough talk, its a good chance you already are! Um...where was the slander? He spoke the TRUTH and maybe it was a bit blunt but you need to hear it.
GLDheart Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Am I reading the dates on the posts wrong? You come back three months later to tell him off? No Updates? Did you confront her? Was she cheating? WTF? 2
jnj express Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 Hey Dim---who are you talking about, while you are at it---enlighten us, as to what is going on------or are you now just here to rip on someone cuz you didn't like their advice from back in may
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