Men who almost approach but don'tmen.

[Eternal Sunshine]

There were 2 incidents that happened to me in the past week and I wonder if I could have done more to make something happen with these

[ThaWholigan]

Brings back embarrassing memories .

 

I think I've "almost" approached 1000s of girls over the years.....

[Eternal Sunshine]

Technical problems; this is the original post:

 

 

There were 2 incidents that happened to me in the past week and I wonder if I could have done more to make something happen with these men.

 

Incident 1: I am on the elevators in the department store. Two guys are in front of me. I notice one turning around to glance at me every few seconds while talking to his friend. I smiled at him and he returned the smile. Kept looking at me even more. I go about doing my shopping and they kind of hover around. The cute guy is still checking me out and whispers something to his friend. His friend looks at me too and I overhear him say "Forget about it mate, she probably has a boyfriend.". Soon after, I had to walk off and continue with my day. I wish the cute guy approached.

 

Incident 2: I am walking down the street and see this guy that is exactly my type walking in my direction. I check him out and he sees it and smiles at me. Starts checking me out in return. As he walks past me he says "Hey wait a second". So I stop, all hopeful. He says "It would really make my day if you give me a high five now" So I laugh and do. He jumps up and says "wohooo!" Then it's a bit awkward, neither of us says anything and we both walk away.

 

Arghhhh. I am not sure if I should have said or done something in the scenarios above. I mean you never know if they are even single or have an intention for anything to happen.

[SmileFace]

Sometime we have just to take intiative. Can't leave it up to them.

 

For example.

 

I am at the bus stop waiting for my bus. Amazingly hot guy. I mean absolutely gorgous guy stands next to me . Anyway so he comes and stands near me, and asks if when the bus arrives, despite the fact the bus is pulling out the terminal. Any I reply and He further asks me how was work. At my lame attempt to make convo I ask him if he is looking for a job. He says yeah and we talk about work a little. Now we ate boarding the bus and he ask if he can use me as a reference so I say sure. Any he then proceeds to ask for my first name, then my last -- so he can us it as a reference. I give him my name and he ask if it matches my Facebook name -- I told him no, but I asked him if he wanted me as a friend on fb. He says yeah so he gives me his name and tells me to add him. While on the bus I gave him my job number. Now if I had any idea on successfully picking up guys I would have took his number and told him I will contact him with the job info but no ..... So he gets off the bus and I can't locate him on fb.

[Stellar Wench]

I would never date a guy who wasn't man enough to take initiative.

[ascendotum]

ES.

With guy 1 - I really think you should have taken the next little step in the encounter, given that you actually overheard his friend say "Forget about it mate, she probably has a boyfriend.", and said, "No I don't", and then smiled, and slowly strolled off, leaving it to him to take the initiative to follow you, and introduce himself. A lot of guys will be a little wary of cold approaching a woman who's busy shopping..a smile back is an indicator you like him, but it could also just be seen as a pleasant gesture in return to his smile, but if you had said the above, or given him a big smile again & a cute little wave and slowly sashayed off, its a greenlight for most guys.

 

As for the 2nd guy asking for a hi-5, idk, I think that's a little weird. If the woman fancies the guy, she probably wont think so, but if not, plenty of woman would give a guy a wtf look. For him to start an interaction with you, then to walk off is also a little weird...idk, maybe he read about that gimmik in a pua article, but panicked and forgot the rest of the patter he was supposed to follow up with. At the same time, you could have possibly followed up with,' wow you're easily pleased', or' do you normally stop a woman each day to do that', or 'why are you in such a good mood today'.

[TaraMaiden]

Example 1- I would have squeezed his butt.

 

example 2 - I would have said - "now it would really make my day if you would buy me a drink!"

 

Really, ES - you need to think on your feet and be proactive!

[threebyfate]

This is strictly advice based on continuing contact:

 

Guy #1 - I agree with ascendotum about responding to the friend's comment but with this "She's actually single" while looking straight at the cute guy with a little smile. If he doesn't bite, run away, he's a passive-awkward guy!

 

Guy #2 - Again I agree with ascendotum but will add that he's an awkward guy right out the gate. If you wanted to continue contact when convo stopped dead, why not ask him if something good happened to him today, that he needed the high-five. This is a lead-in for him to throw a compliment your way where convo can proceed from this point.

[Heart Of A Lion]

I had amazing "electricity" once with a girl I had never seen before while we were waiting somewhere. We didn't say anything to each other, but just stared deeply into each other eyes. She was slender, smaller than I am and had long blonde hair and she had very deep blue eyes like I had never seen before, as if they were emitting blue light. Almost angelic you could say. I had never seen a girl with eyes like that.

 

She was standing in front of me and kept repeatedly turning around to look into my eyes.

 

I didn't hit on her, because at the time I was holding out for someone else I was into. In retrospect that was a mistake, because the woman I was holding out for disappeared out of my life shortly after, never to be seen again.

 

When the girl and I had to part ways, she turned around one more time while she walked away. In that last moment she had the saddest look on her face. Intuitively I knew exactly what that look on her face meant: "Why didn't you talk to me?! Why didn't you hit on me?!"

 

And she was right. Rarely do you have that kind of electricity with a complete stranger. I regret it, and every time I waited at the spot where we waited, I hoped to see her again, but I never did.

 

Dumb, dumb, dumb Heart.

 

Perhaps, but I don't know this for sure, if she had said something that would have changed things.

 

But in retrospect I should have gone for the girl with the deep blue eyes. Why? Because of the immediate electricity, because of the immediate chemistry, even though we didn't know each other, even though we had never talked.

 

These things are so complicated sometimes, there are so many factors that play a part.

 

So my advice to men is. If you have electricity or chemistry with a woman, hit on her right away or the window of opportunity will close. It WILL close.

Edited May 11, 2012 by Heart Of A Lion

[ThaWholigan]

I had amazing "electricity" once with a girl I had never seen before while we were waiting somewhere. We didn't say anything to each other, but just stared deeply into each other eyes. She was slender, smaller than I am and had long blonde hair and she had very deep blue eyes like I had never seen before, as if they were emitting blue light. Almost angelic you could say. I had never seen a girl with eyes like that.

 

She was standing in front of me and kept repeatedly turning around to look into my eyes.

 

I didn't hit on her, because at the time I was holding out for someone else I was into. In retrospect that was a mistake, because the woman I was holding out for disappeared out of my life shortly after, never to be seen again.

 

When the girl and I had to part ways, she turned around one more time while she walked away. In that last moment she had the saddest look on her face. Intuitively I knew exactly what that look on her face meant: "Why didn't you talk to me?! Why didn't you hit on me?!"

 

And she was right. Rarely do you have that kind of electricity with a complete stranger. I regret it, and every time I waited at the spot where we waited, I hoped to see her again, but I never did.

 

Dumb, dumb, dumb Heart.

 

Perhaps, but I don't know this for sure, if she had said something that would have changed things.

 

But in retrospect I should have gone for the girl with the deep blue eyes. Why? Because of the immediate electricity, because of the immediate chemistry, even though we didn't know each other, even though we had never talked.

 

These things are so complicated sometimes, there are so many factors that play a part.

 

So my advice to men is. If you have electricity or chemistry with a woman, hit on her right away or the window of opportunity will close. It WILL close.

Hear hear.

 

I have at least a dozen stories just like this one. The amount of women who have stared into my eyes and I never made a move.......and they always have a look of disdain at the end that I never understood until within the last few years. One simply looked at me as if to say "hmph, you could have had me" and got onto the train.

 

I was holding out for a girl I liked for quite a while too. That turned out to be a dud also. Waste of about 4 years that .

 

I remember the most recent one. This girl actually approached me. She was cute too. I was such a pussy then that I never reciprocated properly. She stared at me all night, smiling, had her finger in her mouth in that seductive way that girls tend to do. I don't know why I didn't take it further. This was about 3 years ago, just before I was diagnosed. She was so upset that when I belatedly went to speak to her before I left, she literally ran back into the club with her friend in tow. Almost in embarrassment. I think back to that day now and curse my anxious ways . I thought she was sexy too, and she clearly was into me. Bad move.

 

I've had so many instances like this when I think back. Even nowadays it happens, and it always seems to happen when I'm not completely noticing or I'm stuck in my head thinking about something else.

 

Ah well, live and learn I say.....

[kaylan]

I would never date a guy who wasn't man enough to take initiative.

I would never date a woman with this attitude. Step down from your high horse before I blow its knees out with a bat.

 

You too chicken to get what you want yourself?

 

Meh, I appreciate chicks who can be as initiative as I am at times. And for those times where I dont push things forward, if a chick writes me off solely because of that and wont be proactive herself, then its her loss. However, based on my experiences and from everything I hear from my chick friends, they dont react the way you do when a guy doesnt approach.

 

They either lament his non-approach and sit and pray he will, or they do something about it themselves...they dont say hes "not man enough though" and most women wouldnt say that because they are clearly attracted and want the guy in the first place.

Edited May 11, 2012 by kaylan

[insertnamehere]

To the OP: In both cases, a little more engagement would have worked. Especially the second case.

 

One thing I hate with women is they do nothing to keep that initial approach rolling. I mean, the second guy flat-out approached you. But, you didn't keep rolling with it, so he didn't keep rolling with it.

 

Bear in mind, in our society even when men approach women there's that shadow of creepiness lurking over us. So, to some extent, we men test for the initial response to see if there's any room to not be called a creeper. That's why the second guy disengaged after approaching.

 

The first guy just needed to ignore his friend. This is one of the reasons when I go out, I don't go with guy friends if I can avoid it. Because the vast majority of male friends are completely worthless when it comes to getting women.

Edited May 11, 2012 by insertnamehere