Coffee20 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I know it is only fourth day of NC but almost one month since the break up but I still feel the pain inside. I told my mum today and she answered that I should be ok right now when he is ok too, that he wasn't worth etc. But I am just not. I go out a lot and try to have fun and I think I am good at it, people think I am just over it but inside I still feel the pain and misery. One moment I feel like killing him and next I think how things could be if I would try to do them differently (but I still know that it would end). I push myself every day to do something but it seems like I can't properly concentrate. I bought myself in-line skates and today I went about 15 kilometres. I went for two dates (though I know it's too early) but I felt nothing and it seems to me that I will never want to have a man again.
geegirl Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I know it is only fourth day of NC but almost one month since the break up but I still feel the pain inside. I told my mum today and she answered that I should be ok right now when he is ok too, that he wasn't worth etc. But I am just not. I go out a lot and try to have fun and I think I am good at it, people think I am just over it but inside I still feel the pain and misery. One moment I feel like killing him and next I think how things could be if I would try to do them differently (but I still know that it would end). I push myself every day to do something but it seems like I can't properly concentrate. I bought myself in-line skates and today I went about 15 kilometres. I went for two dates (though I know it's too early) but I felt nothing and it seems to me that I will never want to have a man again. A month since the break-up and only 4 days NC is nothing, Coffee. It's not going to go away overnight. It's going to take months of strict NC to start feeling better about things again. I think you're being too critical of yourself and that is going to get in your own way. You're going to be on a rollercoaster of emotions. You have to let those bad feelings come and feel them, but they will pass. You must not react because breaking NC will take you back to where you started. Please don't date. You are not emotionally healthy to be dating because when you're broken, you will most likely make bad choices for yourself and if that's not the case, you will feel even worse when leaving a disappointing date. Dating now is your way of escaping and hoping to find someone to fill that void. You have to nurse and fill that void in other ways. Time is all you have and what you do with that time is important. You're taking little steps in forcing yourself to function. Those are baby steps. Just keep going. Please stay NC. If you find yourself wanting to break it, please vent here or find a friend or your mother to talk you out of it. This man is not good for you. The pain you feel is not an indication that this relationship was of value but just the hurt of trying to break an emotional attachment. 1
jennisfora Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 i finally feel better and able to function and it has been 4 months since the break up and almost 1 month of straight nc on my end. i told him i needed to do it to heal and that if i wanted to contact him i would when i was ready, about a month ago. now he wants to meet up and wants me to forgive him. so, take control. don't wait on this guy, go NC, and move on. when you feel better, and have healed, that is when they come around, and you will be in a better place to see if you still want them or not. to be honest, i thought i couldnt live without this guy, now im on the fence about even taking him back. now that i care less, he wants to make amends. so, who knows about the future, focus on you, and feeling good about you. i got a new haircut, new clothes, started an exercise regimen, signed up for online school. i used the breakup as incentive to improve. i have had bad periods where i let things slide. but, i know what i have to do, and know that no matter how much you love someone, you gotta love yourself. *hugs* it will get better! 1
Author Coffee20 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 geegirl: thank you for your comment I always like to read it, it helps me a lot, I sometimes read your comments back when I feel weak or have bad mood just to realize jennisfora: I've read your story and I am sorry for what happened. I thought it was not a good idea to meet him because now I know I wouldn't be able to hold it. But I guess you two were also good-friends when you were in relationship and instead of us you two can sit and talk mature. On Monday when I saw him I ended up in hysterical tears and after his monologue he pretended he was sleeping. I think my ex will never be around anymore even if I am with someone else later, because he is satisfied right now, he is that mum - type, always told her everything and cried on her shoulder whenever we fought, never cares about himself ..... but maybe I am wrong, maybe he will get a new gf soon and he will want a future with her.
Exit Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Time really is the best, and sometimes only, healing tool we have. I'm the absolute worst person at letting go, I have fought for every relationship I've ever had where the other person wanted to end it, and I have always taken it very badly. I've just passed the 6 month mark since my last relationship ended and this one was pretty serious and I thought I could spend my life with this girl, so I'm still not done healing. I haven't gone on a single date, not even going to bother pretending that I'm ready. And as much as people always insist to get out and try to have fun, I've actually slowed down on that too. For some people it works, but for me, trying to force myself to get out around other people and try to smile just made my heart hurt more. In my case sometimes I like to treat these situations like having a cold, you don't force yourself to go out and pretend you aren't sick, you stay in bed and wait until you feel better. Obviously you don't literally stay in bed for months on end waiting to feel better, but just the general idea of going easy on yourself. If you need a day to be sad, be sad, if you'd rather be alone watching a movie than trying to find new people to date, pick a movie and stay at home. Depending on how much you felt for this person, the pain may last for a while.
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Activities you partake in, shouldn't be a sticking-plaster cover-up. They should be a genuine replacement, because they're there to make you feel better about yourself, not mask the pain of the break-up. Nobody can - or should - tell you when it's the right time to be 'over' something. You're NOT over it - and you won't be for a while. And it's ok to admit to that. You may not wish to burden people wih it - and you're right, sometimes in the perception of others we can begin to sound like a stuck record - but there's no reason why you should pretend. Tell people - "Yeah, it still hurts, yeah, I miss him like crazy, yeah I DO wish I could turn the clock back, and yeah, if I could still be with him and happy, i would be. But it's not going to happen, so I'm sad over that and grieving what's lost. That's all I can tell you right now." It's perfectly acceptable to need time. But remember, all time does, is pass. while it does its thing, you heal. Progress is up to you, but make progress. Create it, engineer it, and go for it. Don't wallow - but take care of you.
Author Coffee20 Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 I do understand, I honestly feel a lot like lying in my bed and crying....but I know what happened 4 years ago after the first break up. I ended up laying in my bed and got into serious depression and had to take medications and this I don't want anymore. Same I know it's useless to go for dates, I don't feel it. But I am happy I had nice days with new people I told them in which situation I am, so I hope they don't have any expectations, cause I don't want to hurt them...though now I find it like a bad idea because one of them became a little bit pushy and today, I don't have a good day and I don't want to talk and he has already sent me one mail, facebook messages and also texted me.
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