bodybuilderinnewyork Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Hey everyone. I am in a really terrible state right now. My girlfriend of a little over a year and a half went to med school at our exact 1 year mark. A little info about her, she takes celexa for manic episodes she had in the past, doesn't speak to her real dad, mother is crazy and pushed the step dad to move and get a divorce, and my girlfriend use to be a lesbian and is going to the same med school as her ex. The med school is on some obscure island in the Carri bean because her mcats were low. Since she was gone during the first semester she broke up with me once stating that she cant do long distance. I kind of thought it was coming because every time we had skype dates she would never show up. Broke up with me because I was holding her to high of a standard to contact me. So I thought to myself you really don't want to be with me fine and I ignored her but not intentionally just didn't contact her on my behalf. A few days later she told me she really wants to be with me and that all women are crazy but not the same. (meaning she did the same thing as my ex wife. My ex wife joined the Navy and left me it was a horrible time and I never took her back). I took her back and for a week she was great and attentive even though it was all online. She comes in December for a month and starts "testing" me. Telling me I deserve a better girl or talking about how many kids we will have in the future just back and fourth stuff, I had to write it down because I would not believe it otherwise. Now a month ago she has her finals and gets the results in 2 weeks after that. During the Spring Break her mom decides to stay with her for the whole 2 weeks. My gf hardly goes online during this time so I email her and keep telling her I am there for her if anything and that I wont nag her and let her contact me when she is free. So a few days pass and she replies to my email to which I reply back then another few days until she contacts me. So now on Sunday I tell her I miss her and she says "Yea I bet you do, you are so full of s*it you are not coming to visit me" She tells me you didn't even ask me how my semester went(when in fact I did and she sent me an email that she would tell me when her moms leaves). I told her I am going to go down there to which she replied "Don't be upset if we don't act all boyfriend and girlfriendy" I told her she was right that I was making excuses to go down there and that the real reason I did not go sooner was because of money. The plane tickets are over 800 dollars and I had alot of bills. I told her I didn't want her to know about my money situation because she would think I am a loser. She said "How can you do that what if we were both making money in the future would you lie about it"? She also said she is staying in Dominica to challenge her grade to see if they take her back in September and that if she doesn't get that then she is going to med school in St.Marten. But that she will never be coming back to NYC where I live and her family lives. The next day I call her and she is so surprised to hear from me, she actually sounded happy. Her best friend arrived right after the mom left so I asked my GF "what do you plan to do"? she said "touristy stuff" and I asked her if she would do the same for me and she said "If you play your cards right". I have been contacting her and she hardly replies if at all. I asked her why she doesn't say she loves me anymore and she sent me an email saying "I don't feel like I am in a loving and trustworthy relationship" "This must be sad for you but remember I will love you always and you will always be apart of me". I am so sorry for the long post but I am at a loss here and need real advice. I just want her back home and to stop drinking! I might ad she also took in a cat who had 6 babies and has no intention of giving them up and is also in 60k school debt now. Does this sound like a normal course of things? I need to know how to go about this, I still want to be with her but it sounds like island life has taken her over. She even mentions how she is a different person. she blamed me for her leaving to med school because I told her to go. If I said no she would have stayed she says. Then tells me on Sunday I made NYC unbearable for her and thats why she left. Life is better on a beach. So currently she does nothing because she failed the last semester so now she is just waiting to see if she gets in again by Sept. Thanks everyone. I dont know how to proceed.
Ani Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 The relationship seems to be in shambles. It seems all she does is blame you for HER mistakes. She sees you as a good target to take out her frustrations because of her failure in school, and personal life. The relationship doesn't sound like a good and healthy condition. I feel you deserve better since you seem like a well stand up guy. A long distance relationship is based on trust, now I have to ask you a few question. Do you trust her? Do you believe she had been faithful to you all this time you've been away from one another?
Author bodybuilderinnewyork Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Ani, Thanks for the reply. Did I mention she is going to school with her ex lesbian lover? They are still good friends. I know my first instinct was leave because how can two separate people who live near each other get picked to go to the same obscure med school? Honestly I dont trust her because she would put friends before me always especially when it came to our skype meetings. Faithful? No, but I naturally have trust issues and tried to see the good but who knows. She tried breaking up with me before and then came back. I am thankful for these forums because my family is telling me the same things as virtual people. I just need to hear this stuff from outside sources. What would you do? Should I visit her? And as for straight up guy? I dont know I promised her I would go so many times and made up excuses as to why i couldnt. I eventually told her last week it was really because of money and I lied to her because I didnt want her to think she was dating a loser while she was off getting her MD. She seemed to lighten up after I said that but she is def holding it against me even though that is the honest truth. She said the other day she would like nothing more for me to come down but after todays email. I dont know. By Saturday I should have the funds to go there. But as she said I need to "play my cards right"
Morai Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Run. Run far, far away. She's playing games with you and toying with your feelings. Find someone who respects you and someone you trust and don't feel degraded talking to. She has a lot of issues and she's taking them out on you. Let her walk over someone else.
Author bodybuilderinnewyork Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 I want to run trust me and its hard because I dont know where any of this is coming from. I have learned some things you cant figure out but I am in the initial shell shock. She use to tell me she couldnt have a relationship with a guy for more than 2 weeks. Now I know why. My biggest thing now is convincing myself I wasnt the fault of the whole relationship. She pinned it all on me and its hard to believe at times. Right now I am having a moment of clarity I hope it lasts
Author bodybuilderinnewyork Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Hey she wanted to be a psychiatrist but she said she was no longer interested. Originally she wanted to be an actress and now a neuro surgeon. She was working in a home for mentally challenged people and got fired because her and a co worker messed up on doses and tried to cover it up so I am told. Heck even in her last relationship with her ex they always tried to make each other miserable. It looks as if history is repeating itself. I met her ex and she is a very nice woman. I just wonder would it be wise of me to contact her friend that is visiting her this week when she comes back from seeing her? Maybe I gain some insight?
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