Imajerk17 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Okay, I am a woman that you should consider listening to because I keep it real. If you are too accomodating and too eager, some women will see you as boring because you are too predictable. You don't want to seem like you are kissing her as5. This can cause you to lose value in her eyes. When men are too accommodating and too eager it can make some women feel like she is his only option, which devalues him. She wants to feel like you have lots of other options but still picked her, above all the others. You can do all the things in the world to make her feel special, but if those things are coming from someone that she perceives as desperate (being too eager can give that impression), she won't feel special. She'll just feel like the words, gifts, & thoughtful ideas are a ploy to keep a desperate guy from being alone. Also, if you are choosing women who have been abused or had rough lives, niceness can be uncomfortable for them. It sounds crazy, but we often gravitate to what we know, because it makes us most comfortable. Women that have not been treated kindly by men in their lives will gravitate towards bad boy types because they feel familiar. So for these types, your kindness could be suffocating, while disrespect is familiar and easy for them. You really shouldn't want these types anyway, as they usually bring a lot of drama and heartache to your life. Also, I notice that you say you don't have an ego. Women may pick up on this. Women (especially young ones) are often attracted to men who feel that they are entitled to the best. This is because if a man believes he is great & that he is entitled to the best, it makes her feel really special. She must be so awesome because this guy that only deserves the best picked her. I know it sounds messed up (and it is), but it's the way some women are. Wow. I learn so much from your insight, QS. Are you a dating coach for men? Seriously, you ought to consider charging for your advice.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 So I would like to announce right here, that I am SICK and TIRED of being the nice guy who finishes last, Sorry if I hate one night stands and sorry if I respect girls, but maybe It's time for me to change my perspective. Yes, I'd say a change in perspective is long overdue. Consider yourself a victim of society that teaches boys all the wrong things about how girls need to be treated.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 As a man logically you look at it as: Why go to that guy when I can treat you good? To a woman its: Why do I feel this way about this guy? I talk to a guy that is nice to me but he doesn't make me feel the way this one does. It's not a logical process when it comes to women, nice guys, and "bad boys". You can put logic on it and hell most women can't really logically articulate why. That's because it deals with feelings and emotions. Women like a man with some edge to him because it creates certain feelings inside her. This is 100% accurate.
somedude81 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Okay, I am a woman that you should consider listening to because I keep it real. If you are too accomodating and too eager, some women will see you as boring because you are too predictable. You don't want to seem like you are kissing her as5. This can cause you to lose value in her eyes. When men are too accommodating and too eager it can make some women feel like she is his only option, which devalues him. She wants to feel like you have lots of other options but still picked her, above all the others. You can do all the things in the world to make her feel special, but if those things are coming from someone that she perceives as desperate (being too eager can give that impression), she won't feel special. She'll just feel like the words, gifts, & thoughtful ideas are a ploy to keep a desperate guy from being alone. Also, I notice that you say you don't have an ego. Women may pick up on this. Women (especially young ones) are often attracted to men who feel that they are entitled to the best. This is because if a man believes he is great & that he is entitled to the best, it makes her feel really special. She must be so awesome because this guy that only deserves the best picked her. I know it sounds messed up (and it is), but it's the way some women are. So what's the answer then? Purposefully being an assh*le?
AD1980 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 He doesn't have to initiate humping. Just something like touching me on the arm, or even a light kiss.. some kind of physical indication that he was attracted to me. Last summer, I went on three... I guess they were dates?... with a guy. Except I had no idea they were dates, because he 1) never initiated anything physical, even a hug. Heck, our last "date" I actually hung around his apartment after everyone left until 2 am, being very flirty, and he never gave me any sign back 2) never contacted me between the "dates", and there was usually a few days to a week between us hanging out 3) spent most of the time kinda heckling me (forced me to ride his scooter, argued with me about the play we'd just seen, etc.) Eventually I just went "Okay he's not interested," and just didn't respond to his single text. Imagine my surprise when I run into a few weeks ago, and he asked "Hey, how come you disappeared after our dates were going so well?" Huh?? There's being a nice, respectful guy, and then there's being "nice" to the point of paralyses. If a guy asks you out on a date hes attracted to you..there really is no other reason..its not like a women who could possibly only be on the date try to get a free meal out of the thing..
verhrzn Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 If a guy asks you out on a date hes attracted to you..there really is no other reason..its not like a women who could possibly only be on the date try to get a free meal out of the thing.. Well considering I paid for the meals, it was probably the other way around... him using me for a free meal. Plus he didn't ask me on a "date." He said "Hey let's hang out." If I translated "let's hang out" to "date," I'd be dating everyone from my female boss to my friend's fiancee. Because, ya know, it's just too difficult to plainly say "this is a date" and "I am interested in you" to a girl. Nope, I must transform in Mind Reader, instead.
somedude81 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Well considering I paid for the meals, it was probably the other way around... him using me for a free meal. Plus he didn't ask me on a "date." He said "Hey let's hang out." If I translated "let's hang out" to "date," I'd be dating everyone from my female boss to my friend's fiancee. Because, ya know, it's just too difficult to plainly say "this is a date" and "I am interested in you" to a girl. Nope, I must transform in Mind Reader, instead. Why would you ever pay for the guy? Also, hang out means different things depending on who said it and who they are saying it to. If I want to spend sometime with a girl that I'm interested in, but don't want it to be considered formal, I'd use hangout and not date.
verhrzn Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Why would you ever pay for the guy? Also, hang out means different things depending on who said it and who they are saying it to. If I want to spend sometime with a girl that I'm interested in, but don't want it to be considered formal, I'd use hangout and not date. Because I always insist on paying. This forum has convinced me that any woman who doesn't pay for her own date is considered a gold-digger hussy who will burn in hell, so now I make a special point of forcing the issue of paying for the guy if I'm interested in him. Why the fear of making it formal?? If you want to show you're interested, you probably SHOULD be a little formal, to show that you're interested... "casual" equals "friend." It's like the difference of me showing up to an event in nice clothes and make-up, or sweat pants and wet hair. One says "date," and the other says "casual." 1
fishtaco Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 So what's the answer then? Purposefully being an assh*le? No, purposefully play the dog and pony show. Many men think if they are a "good person" that entitles them to a chick. Nope. It's not a stretch of the imagination to understand that an inferior product will beat out a superior product, as long as the marketing is sufficiently better. Learn the system, use every advantage you have. 3
AD1980 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Well considering I paid for the meals, it was probably the other way around... him using me for a free meal. Plus he didn't ask me on a "date." He said "Hey let's hang out." If I translated "let's hang out" to "date," I'd be dating everyone from my female boss to my friend's fiancee. Because, ya know, it's just too difficult to plainly say "this is a date" and "I am interested in you" to a girl. Nope, I must transform in Mind Reader, instead. Gotcha..that's why a first date should be 50/50 neither party knows each other that well yet
ThaWholigan Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 No, purposefully play the dog and pony show. Many men think if they are a "good person" that entitles them to a chick. Nope. It's not a stretch of the imagination to understand that an inferior product will beat out a superior product, as long as the marketing is sufficiently better. Learn the system, use every advantage you have. Robert Kiyosaki said it best: "the most important skill you will ever learn is the ability to sell" 1
Feelsgoodman Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 So what's the answer then? Purposefully being an assh*le? No, you need to realize and accept the fact that women are inferior and illogical creatures compared to men. Once you do that, you will naturally and instinctively start being an ******* to them. They will interpret it as you being unpredictable and having lots of options and their attraction will multiply. It's not rocket science. 1
Pyro Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 No, you need to realize and accept the fact that women are inferior and illogical creatures compared to men. Once you do that, you will naturally and instinctively start being an ******* to them. They will interpret it as you being unpredictable and having lots of options and their attraction will multiply. It's not rocket science. best advice on this thread. 2
SteveC80 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Okay, I am a woman that you should consider listening to because I keep it real. If you are too accomodating and too eager, some women will see you as boring because you are too predictable. You don't want to seem like you are kissing her as5. This can cause you to lose value in her eyes. When men are too accommodating and too eager it can make some women feel like she is his only option, which devalues him. She wants to feel like you have lots of other options but still picked her, above all the others. You can do all the things in the world to make her feel special, but if those things are coming from someone that she perceives as desperate (being too eager can give that impression), she won't feel special. She'll just feel like the words, gifts, & thoughtful ideas are a ploy to keep a desperate guy from being alone. Also, if you are choosing women who have been abused or had rough lives, niceness can be uncomfortable for them. It sounds crazy, but we often gravitate to what we know, because it makes us most comfortable. Women that have not been treated kindly by men in their lives will gravitate towards bad boy types because they feel familiar. So for these types, your kindness could be suffocating, while disrespect is familiar and easy for them. You really shouldn't want these types anyway, as they usually bring a lot of drama and heartache to your life. Also, I notice that you say you don't have an ego. Women may pick up on this. Women (especially young ones) are often attracted to men who feel that they are entitled to the best. This is because if a man believes he is great & that he is entitled to the best, it makes her feel really special. She must be so awesome because this guy that only deserves the best picked her. I know it sounds messed up (and it is), but it's the way some women are. Women really need to get off their high horse most people arent special they get togther becasue theyre's some chemistry and theyre lcose in status and attractiveness to each other.. Its why i always hated the whole wooing and courting thing..its basically the Man trying to prove himself to the women that hes worthy whle making her feel like shes the special one in the relationship while she sits back and judges if his good enough..
pteromom Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I disagree with the people who replied that you have to play some kind of game to keep someone interested. If you are being 100% honest about yourself - that you are nice and giving and respectful and loving and able to turn it on sexually, there is no reason you can't find someone who will appreciate you. So - I have to chalk it up to your picker being broken. If you have to play games, or feel like you have to constantly work on not being "boring" to keep her, you are choosing the wrong kind of women. Keep looking. Don't settle, and don't change who you are to try to fit in with girls who aren't compatible with you. 2
fishtaco Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Women really need to get off their high horse most people arent special they get togther becasue theyre's some chemistry and theyre lcose in status and attractiveness to each other.. Its why i always hated the whole wooing and courting thing..its basically the Man trying to prove himself to the women that hes worthy whle making her feel like shes the special one in the relationship while she sits back and judges if his good enough.. Geez, you sound like a male version of... certain female LS posters that only see their OWN side. You're asking why should men bow down to women's ways? Well, women can be asking you exactly the same question, why do they have to bow down to your way? Bottom line, you have NO RIGHT to tell women what they should or should not do. The only thing you can do, is decide if you want to play the game, or sit out and be a celibate monk. This is the real world. I don't want to work, but I do it because I want that paycheck. I don't want to work out at the gym, but if I want an athletic body, I have no choice. Do what you have to do to get what you want. This is life. And the balance of power isn't in women's favor. They are not "sitting back and judging men". Because once you solve their puzzle and break their defense, you are in control. You can then use this power for good or for evil, your choice.
d'Arthez Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 God, the stupidity of some men and women is astounding. There is a difference between being nice and a doormat, and being kind. Doormats are not attractive. Neither is being a self-centred arse. Some people might go for doormats / arseholes. Some people do stupid things. Does that mean you should? 2
mortensorchid Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I can tell you why it is that women go for Bad Boys. As children, girls are disciplined more. Girls are expected to behave themselves more than boys are. When girls act up, the hammer of Thor comes down on them. When boys act up, we (parents, teachers, observers, etc.) tend to just say "boys will be boys" and allow it. As to how a true Bad Boy is created, that is another story... Women are attracted to the Bad Boy because we are acting out our own needs and wants to be bad through them. Truth be told, adolescence for boys as well as girls lasts until age 30. Unless the woman has been with nothing but Bad Boys, we do not realize that there is anything else out there. I understand the appeal of the Bad Boy : he's more fun than a barrel of monkeys, he doesn't have to be the most attractive physically but has that certain je ne sais quoi about him, and they are awesome in the sack. But when they keep crashing cars, get in fist fights, or call and ask for bail money, it gets real old real fast. Look at Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. We all know she was a Bad Girl at heart, she stayed with the loser Bobby for so long despite his legal ups and downs, infidelity and crazy because she found it exciting (even though she may have complained from time to time about it). The only suggestion I have for you (please don't think I am putting you down for this) is that you must wait until women become a bit more mature. After they have had their fill of Bad Boys and losers and whatnot, they are more sure of what they want and need, then will go for a real man not a perpetual boy like the Bad Boy is. She realizes that she is not his mother, because he is looking for a mother to take care of him more or less (financially and emotionally). If you are past a certain age for women and go for Bad Boys still, then they will never grow up either and they deserve each other. Go for real women who are more mature and experienced rather than someone in their early twenties who are still looking for Trouble.
The Humbler Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Good for you OP. Nice guys get s*** on. And they rarely get laid. Fact.
UBFeelinMe Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 OP, I can sympathize with you as I have had a similar experience, especially having a great amount of confidence in my looks, intelligence, sense of humor, etc. I think you share a problem that I had which is that you seem to idealize the "nice guy" subconsciously, as if that's the way things are supposed to be. You need to detach from that line of thinking and just go with having fun. Sometimes it's fun to be bad and mischievous, and I have found that I have become more in tune with my true personality in that I no longer feel the need to live up to an idealized self but rather I'm actually being myself and doing things that I actually want to do (for example, being more adventurous with touching on dates in which the chick responds favorably) So my advice is to stop living the "safe life" and start truly enjoying your interactions with women.
firehawk_1 Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) your thread title alone sums it up mate. feel the EXACT same way, and SO MUCH more. women are nothing but drama and attention seeking **** sorry, but its true so dont even deny it people. then they act all innocent "I dont know what you are talking about"..."Where are all the decent guys?".... "why cant I find anyone?" - she says it whilst playing games and having 5 guys on the go with a couple of FB's no matter what you do, how much you spend..yada yada.... same thing. i lost (almost) $4000 on a woman who I was going to meet etc.... then guess what? yup... she was a psycho etc.... at least I was able to rechange the tickets (after much penalty fees and so on) for something else. still though. no matter what you do.... same thing. Edited May 11, 2012 by firehawk_1
Eddie Edirol Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Good for you OP. Nice guys get s*** on. And they rarely get laid. Fact. That IS a fact. The unsaid reason for that fact is because nice guys dont do any work to find out what really makes women tick, and understand them. So until they learn that, they will continue to get shyt on, and eventually, as is seen on this board, become more bitter and ignorant, and spend money that they shouldnt. 1
verhrzn Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Threads like these SO make me want to play relationship chicken with Nice Guys. I would love to meet a Nice Guy, and see which one of us rejects the other first. It'd be really entertaining, in a twisted way.
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