Phennyphen Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 What is everyone's experience of this, while online dating I have had messages off guys outlining what they...want to do to me..if you get what I mean haha. These aren't guys I've even spoken to before, they are literally random guys on pof sending me dirty messages. I tend to reply to them with something like 'Do I even get a choice in this?!' or 'In your dreams mate' It was quite shocking to me the first time it happened. I'm no prude and I'm certainly not innocent; I know men will look at an attractive woman and have those kinds of thoughts about her, but to actually say to a woman 'I am going to f*** you' without any come on from her, since when is that ok? I get angry because I hate to see women be objectified as just something sexual. There's nothing in my profile that suggests I'm open to casual sex or naughty online chats, so where are they coming from? Is this just the norm with OLD? Rant over
january2011 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I had a similar experience. I think it's just a classic example of how the internet and the ability to hide behind anonymity lowers inhibitions and the usual 'politeness' filter for communication with another human being is not in place. I didn't respond to messages like that - I hit delete and blocked the user.
Author Phennyphen Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 I sometimes do just delete and ignore, depends how much feminist rage I'm feeling at the time
joystickd Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I had a similar experience. I think it's just a classic example of how the internet and the ability to hide behind anonymity lowers inhibitions and the usual 'politeness' filter for communication with another human being is not in place. I didn't respond to messages like that - I hit delete and blocked the user. I would say that and the fact there are attention whores online. You know the ones that put sexually suggestive pics online and the one that like to be sexual online. I would say also when it comes to online dating there is a perception that the women on there are less inhibited and are open to having sex with men they meet
Author Phennyphen Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Also true, I have had a nosey at the women in my area and you'd think some of them are auditioning for a bad 70's porno, the state of them haha!
FitChick Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 There are other free sites that are better. Why waste your time?
irc333 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I would post pics of great examples of AW....not really sleezy, but these women seem to have gone out of their way to have some kind of "Venus Swimwear-like" photos taken of themselves, Psuedo -modeling style. As if they're trying to be a swimsuit model in their dating profiles. Some stuido photography, and one of a sexy pic of her in a bikini by the pool tastefully done. But these pics have them in regular photos among friends, at a nightclub, etc. EVen with some casual photos thrown in. But they ARE, (at least they say so in their profile) seem to be looking for long-term relatoinships. Though I have my doubts, and they might be only keeping tabs on their emails. Because honestly, women that look like them, have no real reason to be on a dating site, when they could probably have no problem getting a date in person. lol
january2011 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I sometimes do just delete and ignore, depends how much feminist rage I'm feeling at the time Ah yes, I know the feeling! I would say that and the fact there are attention whores online. You know the ones that put sexually suggestive pics online and the one that like to be sexual online. I would say also when it comes to online dating there is a perception that the women on there are less inhibited and are open to having sex with men they meet Which is interesting considering that some people who didn't have any pictures in their profile (like me) still received X-rated messages. And yes, I agree that there still seem to be certain perceptions of OLD and people who do OLD. Based on personal experience, I didn't find that many sexually suggestive photos or profiles, but perhaps that was due to my age range - most of the profiles seemed pretty genuine about wanting a long-term relationship.
Author Phennyphen Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 There are other free sites that are better. Why waste your time? I'm on some of the other free sites and I have had some good responses off POF, I just find this generally happens on all the OLD sites I've been on, I just mention POF because thats my primary one
joystickd Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I'm on some of the other free sites and I have had some good responses off POF, I just find this generally happens on all the OLD sites I've been on, I just mention POF because thats my primary one I just go on Tagged. Its a haven for attention whores. No bikini on the beach pics.
Scottdmw Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 What is everyone's experience of this, while online dating I have had messages off guys outlining what they...want to do to me..if you get what I mean haha. These aren't guys I've even spoken to before, they are literally random guys on pof sending me dirty messages. I tend to reply to them with something like 'Do I even get a choice in this?!' or 'In your dreams mate' It was quite shocking to me the first time it happened. I'm no prude and I'm certainly not innocent; I know men will look at an attractive woman and have those kinds of thoughts about her, but to actually say to a woman 'I am going to f*** you' without any come on from her, since when is that ok? I get angry because I hate to see women be objectified as just something sexual. There's nothing in my profile that suggests I'm open to casual sex or naughty online chats, so where are they coming from? Is this just the norm with OLD? Rant over I hear about stuff like this, and it makes me wonder whether there are some women even if only a few who actually respond to this? Otherwise why would so many men try it all the time?
irc333 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I have come across my share of women kind of kind of pushing their big boobs together with the top part of their arms, making it "pop out" of the top of their V-cut blouses....or kind of bending over, letting the girls "hang" a bit while they smile into the camera....me being a boob man, would send an intro email telling about myself, and then follow it up with some inneundoish comment about what I was viewing. lol Like "Hello down there!" or "Enjoying the view from above!" (if the cam is being held above their heads. LOL Ah yes, I know the feeling! Which is interesting considering that some people who didn't have any pictures in their profile (like me) still received X-rated messages. And yes, I agree that there still seem to be certain perceptions of OLD and people who do OLD. Based on personal experience, I didn't find that many sexually suggestive photos or profiles, but perhaps that was due to my age range - most of the profiles seemed pretty genuine about wanting a long-term relationship.
january2011 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I have come across my share of women kind of kind of pushing their big boobs together with the top part of their arms, making it "pop out" of the top of their V-cut blouses....or kind of bending over, letting the girls "hang" a bit while they smile into the camera....me being a boob man, would send an intro email telling about myself, and then follow it up with some inneundoish comment about what I was viewing. lol Like "Hello down there!" or "Enjoying the view from above!" (if the cam is being held above their heads. LOL I haven't seen too many of those on OKC. I browsed POF briefly but decided I wasn't going to find what I was looking for on there - I mostly read the forums, which were more interesting.
LittlePrince Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 What is everyone's experience of this, while online dating I have had messages off guys outlining what they...want to do to me..if you get what I mean haha. These aren't guys I've even spoken to before, they are literally random guys on pof sending me dirty messages. I tend to reply to them with something like 'Do I even get a choice in this?!' or 'In your dreams mate' It was quite shocking to me the first time it happened. I'm no prude and I'm certainly not innocent; I know men will look at an attractive woman and have those kinds of thoughts about her, but to actually say to a woman 'I am going to f*** you' without any come on from her, since when is that ok? I get angry because I hate to see women be objectified as just something sexual. There's nothing in my profile that suggests I'm open to casual sex or naughty online chats, so where are they coming from? Is this just the norm with OLD? Rant over Your beauty has so enraptured them they have lost all sense of decorum and etiquette. Perfectly natural but that doesn't mean you need to cater to this assault.
threebyfate Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Don't sites like OLD have administrators and moderators these types of rude messages can be redirected towards?
LittlePrince Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Don't sites like OLD have administrators and moderators these types of rude messages can be redirected towards? Taking out a couple marauders won't stop the onslaught. The issue is with a common behavior pattern and not an individual. You'll find this type of guy anywhere you go.
johan Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I once drafted a message to January that said, "I'm going to stick my **** in your floppy **** and wiggle your ***** behind your ***** until you **** your ***** ***** and up your *** ***** *****-**** my big black *** ****!!" Is that the kind of thing you're talking about? Glad I never got around to sending it! (I hate how the site automatically masks certain words.) 2
january2011 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Johan, as offended as I'd like to be, you're too funny to put on ignore. Which is hypocritical, given my previous posts on this thread. But there you have it. I think that if someone on OLD had posted that message to me though, I'd have no hesitation in deleting and blocking.
Author Phennyphen Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Perfectly natural but that doesn't mean you need to cater to this assault. Catering in what way?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 At least these early on comments make it easier to weed them out quick! I don't think a lot of guys know how to talk to women anymore. And they spend too much time looking at porn. So they treat the world, and women in th world, like it's a porn movie and jsut say any silly sexual thing in their heads mindlessly.
joystickd Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 At least these early on comments make it easier to weed them out quick! I don't think a lot of guys know how to talk to women anymore. And they spend too much time looking at porn. So they treat the world, and women in th world, like it's a porn movie and jsut say any silly sexual thing in their heads mindlessly. Everything is not caused by porn. If it was that way no man would really want a relationship and that has not happened men do want relationships and there would be other worse effects so the whole porn theory has no basis. You sound like worse than the guys that whine about feminism.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Everything is not caused by porn. If it was that way no man would really want a relationship and that has not happened men do want relationships and there would be other worse effects so the whole porn theory has no basis. You sound like worse than the guys that whine about feminism. No, not everything is caused by porn. But look at the kind of comments men are making to women on the dating sites. Our culture has become increasingly sexualized. Porn is a big contribuator of that. Porn has become very mainstream. There is a reason it's become mainstream. And when things are mainstream, you have to acknowledge the affect they have over a culture. It's had a lot of side affects that some people will always refuse to acknowledge because of the ugly reality of it. Yes, I have no doubt that I sound worse the nthe guys that whine about feminism to *you*. You're a guy, it's natural for you to feel less bothered by comments made by men complaining about women vs women complaining about men. It's not rocket science why that is. 1
Caius Ballad Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 It's because you females made dating so tedious that most men stop caring about women. Women never admit to wrongs their gender has done to men. Men are starting to see that women lust after the same old 30%. The standards for men are insane. He must be tall, fit, great job, perfect teeth, good hair, funny, masculine, emotional blah blah blah and the list goes on. This sort of thing is why men are sick of it all.
Author Phennyphen Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 It's because you females made dating so tedious that most men stop caring about women. Women never admit to wrongs their gender has done to men. Men are starting to see that women lust after the same old 30%. The standards for men are insane. He must be tall, fit, great job, perfect teeth, good hair, funny, masculine, emotional blah blah blah and the list goes on. This sort of thing is why men are sick of it all. Isnt that generalising a bit? And I'm sure men do the same, if not more so. 1
joystickd Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 No, not everything is caused by porn. But look at the kind of comments men are making to women on the dating sites. Our culture has become increasingly sexualized. Porn is a big contribuator of that. Porn has become very mainstream. There is a reason it's become mainstream. And when things are mainstream, you have to acknowledge the affect they have over a culture. It's had a lot of side affects that some people will always refuse to acknowledge because of the ugly reality of it. Yes, I have no doubt that I sound worse the nthe guys that whine about feminism to *you*. You're a guy, it's natural for you to feel less bothered by comments made by men complaining about women vs women complaining about men. It's not rocket science why that is. Actually I am equally bothered by both. Porn is part of the problem but not a big contributor. You also have to consider there are women that objectify themselves and it has an effect on how men act towards them. Honestly some of these men wouldn't say what they said if there were no women at some point to respond positively to it. Its the same with porn there would be no porn if there were no women willing to participate. You can't just attack on side and totally forget that there is always another party willing. I go on Tagged and the women on OKC or POF are saints compared to some of the women on tagged. The pics there border a centerfold layout without the nudity. Then these women get mad when they get asked for sex or a sexual comment. Some of these women understand the power their sexuality has and they push the limits of what they can get away with. You have to be willing to consider there are other factors involved. I mean hell if porn was like that some of these other countries that are more open and sexualized than the US would be worse than they are. If it was what you say then Netherlands would have a 0% marriage rate because the mindset would be why get married when I can get a prostitute or look at porn hell why even date at all.
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