MarkV Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Hi,this kind of leads on from my previous post. After seeing my ex at my sisters wedding I bumped into her at a bar the following eve. My town is small. I had a drink with her at the bar and all her friends had left so we began to talk. She finally admitted that over the past 4 months (we were together for 6 years) of the breakup she had been a selfish bitch and that her mum had sat her down and had strong words with her about her attitude. She admits she has pushed everyone away and just focused on herself but she couldnt help it. She then said that in the past two weeks she has started to grieve the breakup because she has been hiding from her emotions. She said it started when she found out im going to africa to volunteer with a childrens orphange (i wanted to take her in Feb and propose and she didnt believe id take her). She also said I dress smarter (iv bought some new clothes to cheer myself up when we broke up). She said that when she left my sisters wedding (she did the make-up for 30 mins) she left and had a breakdown of crying in her car when she drove off because she saw me and all my friends and family together. All these things I did for myself to help me heal. She said she was angry and sad and has been looking at old photos of us etc. A few minutes later she told me that she had been on a few dates and that she rebounded with an old friend who was there for her during the breakup but she had ended it earlier that day because he wanted to get serious and she didnt want anything. To be honest I was a little hurt but thought oh well just a rebound. Iv only dated one girl since we broke up. We spent about 3 hrs talking and I then put her into a taxi home. I went home. The next morning we went for a walk on the local beach and she said how she was still confused and that if we ever got back together we would have to try and leave all the inbetween behind whilst we have been apart. I said that she needs to sort herself out and get her life back on track and to be careful by not leading guys on. A few hours after I got home I got a text saying 'I had a real lovely day,thank you xx' ...I dont plan to contact her but its nice to hear her starting to realise how she is acting. It seems like she is now starting to grieve since she has seen me moving on with my life..is this common? What will happen next as im quite interested in peoples thoughts? Thanks
zerovandez Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 What do you want from all of this? Good to hear that youre moving on, sounds like you are doing well. My thoughts are the same as yours. She's starting to realize what she let go. She sounds a little doubtful of a secon round being that she mentioned you would both have to put the past behind you. Take it slow, really slow. Don't expect too much. Let her do most of the contact. If a second round is what you want then understand and accept that everything will be new.
Author MarkV Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Thank you zerovandez..i agree with you that she feels like things may not change but iv done enough for myself in the time apart that she can see who I am as a person. Id love to try again as both of us have been hurt by all this but she would need to sort her head. It seems iv done my grieving in the first two months,hers is now coming
zerovandez Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I was in your shoes not so long ago and recently, I found that my ex does not want to be commited to a realtionship with me at all. So don't make the mistake of taking her back so easily. Make her work for it. And by that I mean, limit your contact. If she really wants you back, she will make it very clear. If you guys hang out, think of her as someone new. Don't mention the past because she's already told you that you both need to get over it. Discuss it only if she brings it up. And don't fall for mixed signals. I love you, I miss you, doesn't mean anything if she doesn't tell you that she wants you back.
flitzanu Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 simple. she's showing some guilt and respect, but that doesn't mean she wants you back. YOU need to stop giving her time. yes. it's a game...but if you're there for her every minute, she doesn't need to win you back or have a relationship. do you want to be her pal or do you want to date her? as zero said, don't fall for her emotions if she isn't telling you clearly that she wants you.
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