observer12 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Hey guys, slightly long story but I would really appreciate some help. I met a girl a few nights ago and it went really well. We had initially chatted on match.com but she wouldn't commit to a date and went silent, saying she was really busy. I pretty much thought she was a waste of time and I cheekily asked her if she just wanted to hook up instead. Surprisingly, she said that was tempting - but she would prefer to be a good girl and date properly, if only she had time. Two weeks ago she asked me out of the blue to meet for a drink that night. I was busy, but she did the same thing a week later. It was very relaxed and we had a good talk, but still I was surprised when she asked me if I wanted to stay over at her place. She took me upstairs before we had even kissed and she waited for me to make the move. I could tell the sex was really good for both of us, and the way we talked and cuddled etc. for the rest of the night and next morning made it clear this wasn't just emotionally cold sex with someone she doesn't really like. I kissed her goodbye and told her I really want to see her again. She said she didn't know when she would be free next. Since then we have exchanged a few fun messages on facebook but she is slow replying, or doesn't always reply. She is really the same flakey and elusive person she was before. I know she likes me but I'm having trouble figuring her out. She has a busy life, is independent, and does things on her terms. But why is she on Match.com saying she wants a relationship if she has no time to date? If it was a one night stand she wouldn't add me on facebook and keep in touch. I think if I just wait she will ask to see me eventually but that could be ages. And I get the feeeling that if I call her she will ignore me because she likes to initiate contact, and then only when she wants to see me. She has always refused to plan a meeting in advance, and instead called me on the night. I don't mind if we just hook up occasionally rather than dating but I need to know what our situation is. Should I wait and see what she does, or try to call her and clarify whats going on?
jrh1524 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 This same sorta thing happened to me in college. The girl wanted a quick lay and I wanted a relationship. I pushed too hard for the relationship and pissed her off and didn't get any more nookie after that. Sounds to me like if you want to keep her around as a FWB sorta thing, go start dating other people and just count yourself lucky you got a free lay. If you call her or push her too much she's going to shut down and cut you off.
Andy_K Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Facebook added or not, you were a ONS. How was that not clear to you? If you want to date this girl, forget it. Not gonna happen. You're not what she wants. If you want to do FWB, be blatantly sexual and she'll probably go for it again when she's in the mood. 1
mickleb Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I imagine she's dating around and looking for someone who isn't you, sorry. You could be her FWB 'fall-back guy', who boosts her ego/satisfies her needs when things go tits-up with the other guys. This isn't the healthiest situation a person can find themselves in. As the above poster said, if this is not a problem for you, just let her know that. (Text saying if she wants to hook-up again, to get in touch.) You have to be honest with yourself that this is what you want, though. The fact that you've posted this suggests you have started having feelings about her. As much as 'free sex' (as someone put it ) can be fun, you're a human being, and you might find your ego gets f*cked, too... Take care.
joystickd Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I will say move on. Its sounds like you have some feeling for her
truth_seeker Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 why is she on Match.com saying she wants a relationship if she has no time to date? If it was a one night stand she wouldn't add me on facebook and keep in touch. To answer your question, she knows what she wants but at the same time has needs to be fulfilled. You fell under the "need" category at that particular moment. Right now she hasn't found the guy she wants a relationship with, and needed to get laid. She used you for the sex. She might want to use you again if she's lonely. If you have feelings for her, do not see her again. She only views you as a guy she can have sex with when she needs it. If you don't mind having sex with her and leaving it at that, then let her contact you. How many friends does she have on Facebook? If it's a lot, consider the other guys on her page. She might be having sex with some of them, too.
dasein Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Unless you are dead set on finding a relationship soon, and haven't become too emotionally involved, would keep sleeping with her on her terms while you cultivate other options. Oxytocin is a powerful thing, affects them 10x more than us, and provided her promiscuity isn't an issue for you and she doesn't have other impulsive traits, screwing your way to the top of the pile is not uncommon these days. Just know it's a competition, she -is- sleeping with others while sleeping with you. Up to you if you can deal with that. Good luck.
Phennyphen Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Sounds to me like your lady friend wasnt all that into you but seeing as you offered her sex, when she got horny a few weeks later, she remembered you and called you up. Dont be surprised if shes too busy to see you until next time shes horny, because it was in fact just a ONS. Best backing off, at least emotionally, before you get hurt- IMO
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