Churchy Girls

[irc333]

That's cool, Kathy,

 

For some reason, some of the singles groups at the local churches seem to attract....well, the socially inept types...the 'not so attractive' and so on.

 

Or they aren't really keen on keeping up with fashion, or just look out of place.

 

I recall a nice looking female lawyer showing up at a singles Bible study, it appeared a lot of the gents took a liking to her. LOL. So she was getting approached by many.

 

In the middle of the Bible Study session, she left....never saw her appear at Singles ministry again, but I have seen her routinely come out of the church services and go home.

 

She still goes to church, but just for the services, but forgoes to the singles events.

 

COuld be she wasn't attracted phyiscally o r meeting men that weren't her a type....being a lawyer and all. <shrug>

 

 

I know several people who found their SO or spouse through the church or other religious venues. It's a good place to find people with similar values and ideology. In fact, I'm going to a wedding this summer of people who found each other through attending one of their church's small groups. I'd say, as far as the two women you mentioned, don't bother with the 22 year old. 10 years is too much of an age gap in a relationship. She is just starting adulthood, you are in your 30s. As far as the other woman, if she hasn't accepted you as a friend on FB, that means she's not interested, so don't pursue it further. Get to know other women in your church through other church activities. It is a very good place to find a mate. I know many who have found their SO through their church and other religious activities. In my church, there are tons of single women. It's a very large church. Good place to get to know them.

[KathyM]

That's cool, Kathy,

 

For some reason, some of the singles groups at the local churches seem to attract....well, the socially inept types...the 'not so attractive' and so on.

 

Or they aren't really keen on keeping up with fashion, or just look out of place.

 

I recall a nice looking female lawyer showing up at a singles Bible study, it appeared a lot of the gents took a liking to her. LOL. So she was getting approached by many.

 

In the middle of the Bible Study session, she left....never saw her appear at Singles ministry again, but I have seen her routinely come out of the church services and go home.

 

She still goes to church, but just for the services, but forgoes to the singles events.

 

COuld be she wasn't attracted phyiscally o r meeting men that weren't her a type....being a lawyer and all. <shrug>

I think you'll find all types and attractiveness levels at church events. The church I go to has a lot of attractive single women of all ages, and many different groups and activities to get involved in, not just "singles events". When I think of all the Christian men and women I know personally who attend Church events, many of them are attractive, stylish, some are athletic, some are really cool people, some really outgoing with a good sense of humor, many highly educated with great jobs. The stereotype of a Christian single being a social misfit is not an accurate one. The Christian guy I mentioned who's getting married this summer is a very attractive man, great personality, was a jock in high school and college, and is a leader in the Christian community.

[irc333]

Well, there you go then. lol

 

But seriously, that's the only complaints I've heard about people who tried out the singles events, only to turn away from them.

 

Actually, there was this one professional, clean cut woman that I met on Yahoo personals sometime back, she was Christian, and since she was in thea rea....I aske dher "Hey, you ever hear of that such and such church, they have a pretty sizable singles ministry"

 

ANd she said she TRIED it out, but was turned away from it , due to the men there that made her uncomfortable for whatever reason. lol

 

She actually prefered the online route....go figure.

 

The Christian guy I mentioned who's getting married this summer is a very attractive man, great personality, was a jock in high school and college, and is a leader in the Christian community.

 

Yeah, it's not often you see that where I've been.

 

 

I think you'll find all types and attractiveness levels at church events. The church I go to has a lot of attractive single women of all ages, and many different groups and activities to get involved in, not just "singles events". When I think of all the Christian men and women I know personally who attend Church events, many of them are attractive, stylish, some are athletic, some are really cool people, some really outgoing with a good sense of humor, many highly educated with great jobs. The stereotype of a Christian single being a social misfit is not an accurate one. The Christian guy I mentioned who's getting married this summer is a very attractive man, great personality, was a jock in high school and college, and is a leader in the Christian community.

[KathyM]

Well, there you go then. lol

 

But seriously, that's the only complaints I've heard about people who tried out the singles events, only to turn away from them.

 

Actually, there was this one professional, clean cut woman that I met on Yahoo personals sometime back, she was Christian, and since she was in thea rea....I aske dher "Hey, you ever hear of that such and such church, they have a pretty sizable singles ministry"

 

ANd she said she TRIED it out, but was turned away from it , due to the men there that made her uncomfortable for whatever reason. lol

 

She actually prefered the online route....go figure.

 

 

 

Yeah, it's not often you see that where I've been.

It really depends on the church. The larger ones have a lot of activities, not just singles events, to get involved with where you can meet single people. I would suggest trying to get involved in more than just the singles events.

[FredRutherford]

It really depends on the church. The larger ones have a lot of activities, not just singles events, to get involved with where you can meet single people. I would suggest trying to get involved in more than just the singles events.

True.

You meet all kinds, though there are quiet, shy and sweet Christian girls there.

Would say you'd have a better chance of meeting a nice Christian girl in a singles group than in a bar, club or some other less-than-noble place.

 

Tried the bar route briefly -- the smoke burned my eyes and didn't enjoy it as I have never gotten drunk... Only went there bec. a woman I casually dated, a colleague at a work-related company, hung-out there and played pool with her guy friends.

Realized that wasn't my kind of place.

 

At a church singles group, met a 30 y.o. virgin ALMOST got engaged to when I was 26.

That woman was an attractive brunette.

She was kinda shy, but so was the woman I met @30 that I made my wife....

Met future wife through a blind date, so that's another good venue....

 

The group singles group would often go to lunch after church so imagine started talking with her at the restaurant.

The conversation seemed to go well so asked her if she'd be interested in joining me on a date and we dated for 6 mos.

 

At that restaurant, recall a child crying very loudly when our group arrived.

Made a funny crack like,

"Makes you wanna rush right into parenthood..."

Got some laughs.

 

That's the kind of thing you single guys need to do, show some humor and lightheartedness.

Don't necessarily tell jokes (I can't) but act naturally, cool, calm and collective.

Doing so shows others that you're comfortable with your life, others' lives and the world around you.

Gals are attracted to positive people.

[FredRutherford]

I think you'll find all types and attractiveness levels at church events. The church I go to has a lot of attractive single women of all ages, and many different groups and activities to get involved in, not just "singles events". .

The 30 y.o. I dated in the church singles group, she was a teacher, big in the local teacher's union and expressed political views opposite of mine.

Of course, I didn't handle that well and the political differences were a big issue separating us.

 

Recently searched her name online and saw a letter to an editor or online petition she signed her name to.

20+ years later, she still holds those leftist views.

 

Reading how she so vehemently expressed her views, it was like she was writing that to me... so kinda hurt.

 

And no, I didn't argue with her about politics. Was more concerned about finding a GF, but when the topic became bigger than I wanted, merely stated I felt otherwise. That she apparently couldn't take... and verbally expressed her displeasure with my contrary views...

 

Pointed this out only to show these women in the Methodist church singles group I attended aren't necessarily "fundi-mentalist" strict, humorless "no fun" types....

[Scottdmw]

Aaaaah isn't it nice of the 'church' to spare you the pain as if you were some little child whose hand needs to be held rather than an adult who can make informed decisions for yourself. Aaaaah again.

 

hahahaha what nonsense. Perhaps care to visit the marriage section here to see how many end up divorced?

 

Do you consider it patronizing and wrong if someone tells you that certain foods are unhealthy or certain exercises are good for you, even if you don’t agree? That's essentially what the church is doing here. Of course you can make decisions for yourself, there has never been a question of that. You are completely free to ignore the advice of the church, but why does it bother you that they offer it?

 

I would suggest you also look at the marriage section. Out of all those people who got divorced, did they wait for sex or not? My guess is they didn't, and THAT is arguably what contributed to the divorces. When people have sex on the third date, they quickly lose any objectivity about whether the person they are dating is actually a good match for them in any other way than sex.

 

Scott

[TheFinalWord]

Some stats about hooking up before marriage:

 

Hook Up, Shack Up, Break Up - YouTube

 

We need more strong males to provide guidance to men in church these areas. Mark Driscoll is one good example..We should be meeting others in church; however, you guys are right that if you're going to church just to meet someone it probably won't work. You have to be there for the right reasons; especially if you really believe God is the one who provides your spouse. Also, church girls aren't easy to fool; they have as much experience getting hit on by men. So if you are there to just score a wife, they'll see right through it

 

But here is how you approach women at church according to Mark Driscoll:

 

Should women pursue men? - YouTube

 

Within churches there is a lot of support if you are married. Lots of groups and conferences you can go to to improve your marriage. But I am speaking from a Protestant/evangelical perspective. I don't know as much about those of the catholic persuasion.

[mortensorchid]

I think that's a very good idea in which to meet people. That is, you're going to meet people who are dedicated to doing things other than you would say at a bar or something. If nothing else, they are interested in meeting new people and having a good wholesome time. It's hard to meet good people to be friends with, let alone find some kind of passtime or interest that really appeals to your inner wants or needs.

 

As for the girls you mentioned, try it with them. You have nothing to loose and act ASAP otherwise they will think that you are too afraid to move and they will loose interest. They could be clueless as well, not knowing that you are intending to take it to another level. A few years ago, I had a date with a guy from my theater company just once. He blew me off afterward, clearly not interested. I kept my mouth shut about it, only years later letting others know that we did, in fact, have a date just once. I see him there still, no reason we have to go through life hating each other.

 

As for the "no sex" type thing, well, are you that surprised? This is, after all, a church group. You have to ask yourself if that is ok with you. If it's not, then you have to go somewhere else.

[jrh1524]

Someone PMed me to reopen the thread. So done.

[J21]

The thing with church is its a community. The girls are more closer with the girls.

 

So you only get one shot realistically. The girls will talk about how u went after so and so, and if she turns you down, tough luck. If you go after another girl she'll either be known as the second choice (and no girl wants that lets be honest) or you'll be known as the guy that comes to church to chase girls.

 

True story, this has happened to one of my friends.

 

You being 32 wont be looked favorably going after the 22 year old.

[atlg8r]

I met a guy at church last year in a young adult group on Sunday evenings. I would advise you to actually take it slower, because it will be awkward if you come across the wrong way, and then you are still seeing the person in church. Further, be very careful about trying to date two women in the same group!

 

I am not (and was not) a virgin then either, but you'll have to proceed very cautiously there, too. I ended up not dating that guy seriously because frankly I discovered he's somewhat of a hypocrite. He picks and chooses which parts of the Bible suit him and his goals. He certainly does not respect women, and it still to this day really bothers me that he's a member of my church and works with the youth boys group.

 

Be certain that you are honestly interested in church and the group you're attending, and not just using it as a dating site. I would highly recommend reading The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas. I read it last summer at the beach (right before I met this guy and a couple months after I'd ended a 7-year LTR). It was incredibly enlightening and helpful to me.

[atlg8r]

I would suggest you also look at the marriage section. Out of all those people who got divorced, did they wait for sex or not? My guess is they didn't, and THAT is arguably what contributed to the divorces. When people have sex on the third date, they quickly lose any objectivity about whether the person they are dating is actually a good match for them in any other way than sex.

 

Scott

 

I really agree with this. I haven't been a virgin for many years, but I can tell you that the issue of sex before marriage goes hand-in-hand with the concept of developing hormonally driven emotions/feelings for someone BEFORE you get to know them as a future partner.

 

Thus, you end up being hopelessly attached to someone (particularly if you are a woman) who may not have the qualities you'd want in a future husband or wife.

 

I posted this in a previous response, but I highly recommend The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas. It was a very simple read that was also incredibly helpful and enlightening. I couldn't put it down last summer.

[atlg8r]

Does anyone know if there are statistics for divorce rates on people who waited until marriage for sex??

 

I'd condider it but a fear would be that the woman would not be too sexual and I wouln't want to wind up in a sexless marriage or with a woman who was ultra conservative. I'm not to hard to please, I'd be fine with 1-2 times a week, but from what I've read some men can't even get that in their marriages:mad:

 

If you marry a true Christian woman, she will want to satisfy that physical need for you because that's what the Bible instructs; just like you will want to satisfy her emotional needs as a good God-fearing husband. I get so frustrated by men who say their wives completely neglect their bedroom needs. I know some women hate the word "duty" but that's what it is - you have taken an obligation to satisfy your husband's needs, just as he has for you.

[FredRutherford]

Originally Posted by Scottdmw

I would suggest you also look at the marriage section. Out of all those people who got divorced, did they wait for sex or not? My guess is they didn't, and THAT is arguably what contributed to the divorces. When people have sex on the third date, they quickly lose any objectivity about whether the person they are dating is actually a good match for them in any other way than sex.

I really agree with this. I haven't been a virgin for many years,

Imagine the percentage of virgins in churches (men & women) isn't that high and is reflective of society in general, but maybe (hopefully ) higher (slightly?) than their secular brothers and sisters.

 

From the stat's I've read, about 40% of Christians are virgins on their wedding nights.

Now those that engage in sex before, many may be doing with the one they ultimately marry (I don't know) but I know many good Christian girls go for the wrong type of guys & surrender their innocence to the pagan fornicators, which leaves them with big regrets for "passing over" the many Christian "good guys" in their midst like I considered myself in my 20s...

 

No judgement here on virginity, as I wasn't one. Lost mine in high school before became of faith first year in college.... had a few "struggles" in my late 20s during a particularly isolating & lonely time when I kind of drifted from God or was "less enthusiastic" about my faith... so took advantage of some "opportunities" which only produced more regrets.... But all in all, having sex ALL OF 2X from 19-30 isn't that bad, imo...

 

...but I can tell you that the issue of sex before marriage goes hand-in-hand with the concept of developing hormonally driven emotions/feelings for someone BEFORE you get to know them as a future partner.

 

Thus, you end up being hopelessly attached to someone (particularly if you are a woman) who may not have the qualities you'd want in a future husband or wife. .

Absolutely true.

Easy for women (& men) to get attached because of the sexual feelings.

Also makes breakups extremely difficult and pierces @ one's emotions. Talkin' personal experience here.

 

Have some thoughts on dating Christians in church but plan to post those earlier.

 

I obviously harbor some bitter feelings from my dating (rather, TRYING to date) Christian women as a young Christian in college...

 

OP... thanks for re-opening the thread !!!

Edited April 15, 2014 by FredRutherford

[tlegend]

Church is, for all intensive purposes for this forum, the same as any other venue you meet singles at.

 

Put yourself out there, and I think you will be reasonable surprised at the warm reception, even more so in a church setting. Just don't treat it as a speed-date type thing....

 

My 2 cents.

[FredRutherford]

Couldn't edit this in as my post locked after another post....

 

I don't think any in this thread are virgins ( that's okay ).

But... I still think seeking a mate in "church circles" would ultimately be better than the bar scene or other venues...

 

Though "churchy gals" ( or guys ) are far from perfect... some play games, etc.... I think one would find a better breed of man/ woman in Christian settings.....