Savaris Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 So to cut a long story short; My ex whom I told that we should go separate ways because she wanted to stay friends and I did not, just contacted me. We did not talk for like 12 days. She liked some new pictures of me on facebook on like the 7th day. I kept my cool during the conversation, just made small talk and ended it after like 4 min. I told her i'd get back to her and wished her a goodnight. So a part of me is dying right now to talk to her lol, but she obviously misses me.. Im trying to play this smart by not contacting right away but how long should I wait till i contact? like 1 day? call her and talk about fun stuff that happened to me and break convo off, or should I send messages through whatsapp ? thanks!
Emilia Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I think you should pop down to the shops, buy a dog's collar and lead, put it on and knock on her door. Straight away.
Author Savaris Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Its a little deeper than that, shes not a man eater.
Emilia Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 It's not what I meant. I'm assuming it's the same girl you posted about before
Author Savaris Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) but instead of trying to piss on me , do you think you can give me some sincere advice cuz i believe i can work it out with her since the ball is in my court now. Thanks Edited May 10, 2012 by Savaris
Radu Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 but instead of trying to piss on me , do you think you can give me some sincere advice cuz i believe i can work it out with her since the ball is in my court now. Thanks The ball is not in your court. The ball was in your court before you had that 4min chat. The ball will stay even better in her court the more contact you have with her. Do you understand what NC is ? It means No Contact. How can you be in NC when you are talking to her ? Don't answer ... it's not that hard. 1
Emilia Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 but instead of trying to piss on me , do you think you can give me some sincere advice cuz i believe i can work it out with her since the ball is in my court now. Thanks Do you mean the same advice I gave you in your previous thread? Or the one before that with Tara Maiden? When we said you should ignore her because she doesn't fancy you anymore and doesn't want you to be her boyfriend? You want that conversation again?
InJest Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 You are being a bitch right now, and you're not even doing NC like you thought you were. You were just sitting at the phone waiting for her to contact you, so you could answer..that's not NC. If she contacts you again, tell her directly not to contact you for anything other than getting back together, then hang up. Or tell her that you started seeing someone new, and you should actually be looking for new girls.
Author Savaris Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) Lolz, I just did what i saw from that ex2 system from matt huston.. I remained my cool and cut the convo short whats the point in ignoring her? Thats just going to make her hate me.. Im trying to reattract her not trying to get her to hate me lol, seriously u guys think that NC works the same for every person, thats not true. Especially not for me. With me its like, if I let go, i seriously obsess over that person cuz I rlly love her. But if I play a long like now(the ball IS in my court cuz I decide if I want to talk to her or not, like I said in the phone conversation, ILL get back to whenever it suits ME.) that way i can either let her go and get over her, or try to get her back.. so NC works the opposite of what it should with me and her for that matter.. o and also I did meet someone else but yeah hard to date when u still think about someone else Edited May 10, 2012 by Savaris
Author Savaris Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 so back to my question, told her i'd get back to her so should I like keep things light and get back at her like 2 days later?
InJest Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 You're telling us what you are going to do, and that it's going to work, so why are you asking our advice? Ignoring her, won't make her hate you, it will make her miss you. You're going to crash and burn if you keep up what you're doing. I only ask that you keep us updated so I can hit you with an, "I told you so", when it blows up in your face. She's playing you. Fool.
Emilia Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 so NC works the opposite of what it should with me and her for that matter.. Because you are being impatient. NC gives you a peace of mind initially and helps you to forget about the other person eventually. You have to keep it going for more than 5 minutes though 1
InJest Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I just read your other post, and this is just ****ing pathetic. You're going through all this for someone you dated for 5 months and didn't even have sex with?!?!?!?!?! No wonder she wasn't interested in your lame ass. You were her lost puppy the whole time, and didn't even attempt to **** her..no wonder she got bored. You are beyond help. This is just pathetic. I don't know what you need to do, but you need to do something with yourself man, because this is just not a good look.
PegNosePete Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 And posting the same question on multiple threads will not get you different answers
Author Savaris Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) Injest thanks for helping me man(sarcasm) Anyways, i really think that ignoring her is not going to be good anyhow.. Cant i just act really aloof while letting her think were having this platonic relationship? The effects should be similiar, but easier for me Edited May 11, 2012 by Savaris
Radu Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Injest thanks for helping me man(sarcasm) Anyways, i really think that ignoring her is not going to be good anyhow.. Cant i just act really aloof while letting her think were having this platonic relationship? The effects should be similiar, but easier for me Those that need help, decide to accept help. You don't want help, you want enabling.
Author Savaris Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 Can someone answer my question please, everywhere it says that its perfectly fine to reply in a short polite manner but according to this forum you have to ignore till she says yeah wanna try again :/ which btw is making me feel even worse aswell If i just have this plastonic relationship with her and just really don't give her attention and let her do most of the work woudnt that be better than just plain ignoring someone ? I mean the first one feels better, for me aswell, and perhaps she might want to see me aswell in the long run this way, in the meanwhile i could get over her Sounds so much better than just plain ignoring someone and that might hurt everythiing aswell
Radu Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 If you continue NC, she will start seeing you as a prize/interesting [we crave that which we can't have], which means that she will either be more open to getting back together again or she will actually ask you to get back again. However once you get there, she will start to fall out of interest for you pretty fast because she got you. You ever played with a cat with a piece of string ? What happens when you give the cat the piece of string ? If you go for platonic right now, you will be stuck in what is called the 'friendzone', which is a zone you will climb out off only if her then bf breaks up with her or she needs some sort of validation that some male finds her attractive, in which case you will be there ... handy ... like a napkin. No matter what women say, they like to feel like the guy is in control, they want the guy to lead. It makes them feel good, and when they are young it removes responsability from them. This is why NC works on them, because it's your choice, and when you break NC it becomes their choice. Why didn't you have sex with this girl in the 5 months you dated ?
Author Savaris Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) Cuz i was an idiot. Her friends and everyone were like ohh he only wants sex thats why hes being like that to you and i was like nono i rlly care for u so i ended up prolonging it, we were going to once she stared me in the eyes for like 5 min when i asked it she wass not mentallly prepared came out of the blue so i was like ok no prob next time, love does crazy things to one person Anyways, i understand.. We kinda did talk after 11 days of no talking but only because she initiated by calling to check up on how i was doing.. So is it better to just ignore her out of the blue or tell her that i wont reply unless she wants to try ? Or should I just continue like this let her do all of the work, dont be available for her, behave more as a potential lover instead of a friend? The reason i say this one is because i havent seen her in a long time and things may rekindle when i see her, also she and i know we are drawn to eachother when we see eachother What do you think will have the most success in the long.run? Edited May 11, 2012 by Savaris
Radu Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 Cuz i was an idiot. Her friends and everyone were like ohh he only wants sex thats why hes being like that to you and i was like nono i rlly care for u so i ended up prolonging it, we were going to once she stared me in the eyes for like 5 min when i asked it she wass not mentallly prepared came out of the blue so i was like ok no prob next time, love does crazy things to one person i don't know your ages, but you need to understand that 'no' can mean a lot of different things. It can mean 'yes', 'maybe', 'NOOOOO'. I suspect she wanted it. A good rule of thumb is 2 steps forward, 1 step back ... you go forward [slowly if need be], and when she says 'NOOO' you move back and after a little while you start again. Generally under 25, girls feel the need to make you be the one to take the fall for it, to remove guilt from them. 'well, i wanted to go slower ... but he wanted it so badly' Obviously if it's a cathegoric 'NOOO' you stop, but asking her 'is this a cathegoric no' is also bound to make it less interesting for her [the fact that you ask means you are unsure, which makes you less attractive]. Oh, and about the 'i'm not like that' ... BULL****. We are all like that, they like it, we like it and damn sure you had it on your mind every day you were with her. Sometimes it's best to let this be known, not to hide it. Girls like to ****-test with this, sometimes it's good to 'lose' this ****test. Anyways, i understand.. We kinda did talk after 11 days of no talking but only because she initiated by calling to check up on how i was doing.. kinda did talk means you talked. There is no kinda about this. She initiated to get control over it ... if you answer, you lose control. So is it better to just ignore her out of the blue or tell her that i wont reply unless she wants to try ? you don't tell her anything, you just go NC Or should I just continue like this let her do all of the work, dont be available for her, behave more as a potential lover instead of a friend? The reason i say this one is because i havent seen her in a long time and things may rekindle when i see her, also she and i know we are drawn to eachother when we see eachother again, ignoring will work for a while, and she will be more interested but you can't rely solely on this. If you remain her friend, you remain where she wants you to remain. If she can't put you in that place, you become interesting. What do you think will have the most success in the long.run? if you go for friends you will become her purse carrier, her girlfriend, the one she bitches to about boys/parents/whatever. if you demonstrate some value, you might make her get interested like a cat to catnip If you really want to make her head spin ... go to someplace that ppl your age interact [i'm guessing you are HS], like a mall and hit on the girls there. You will crash and burn so many times it won't even be funny, make it a point to see how many times you get rejected in a day there. Hit on salesgirls/waitresses/promotional offers girls ... all of them. Ideally, you want to do this so that it gets back to her. If there is an upcoming party in the area, get there and talk with the girls ... ideally acknowledge her as little as possible. But even if you do get back to her, you do not have much window of opportunity before she moves on again, unless you act differently [she will never reveal to you the real reason she moved on]. This is not supposed to be pressure, it's just how it is 1
Author Savaris Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 woww finally someone who gives straight good answers. Thanks Radu ur the best =) anyways, about that im not like that part, ur misunderstanding it, I didnt want her to think that i was a player of some sort, cuz her friends thought that..that i'd only use her for sex.. thats why i focused more on the loving part and thus screwed it up.. cuz she told me herself, I think your rlly sexy and hot, you make me laugh your sweet to me but someting sexual is missing.. so yeah there you have it. by the way last night she asked me something again so i replied but she replied like 4 hours later while she did come on whatsapp she did not open the conversation she had with me until much later, i think ignoring her out of the blue from now on would be a wise thing to do your right. I guess I went weak for a moment there.. so i guess ill just go ignore mode and start dating.. by the way i didnt quite understand this part ; But even if you do get back to her, you do not have much window of opportunity before she moves on again, unless you act differently [she will never reveal to you the real reason she moved on]. This is not supposed to be pressure, it's just how it is
Author Savaris Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 woww finally someone who gives straight good answers. Thanks Radu ur the best =) anyways, about that im not like that part, ur misunderstanding it, I didnt want her to think that i was a player of some sort, cuz her friends thought that..that i'd only use her for sex.. thats why i focused more on the loving part and thus screwed it up.. cuz she told me herself, I think your rlly sexy and hot, you make me laugh your sweet to me but someting sexual is missing.. so yeah there you have it. by the way last night she asked me something again so i replied but she replied like 4 hours later while she did come on whatsapp she did not open the conversation she had with me until much later, i think ignoring her out of the blue from now on would be a wise thing to do your right. I guess I went weak for a moment there.. so i guess ill just go ignore mode and start dating later on and let her see that by the way i didnt quite understand this part ; But even if you do get back to her, you do not have much window of opportunity before she moves on again, unless you act differently [she will never reveal to you the real reason she moved on]. This is not supposed to be pressure, it's just how it is
Radu Posted May 11, 2012 Posted May 11, 2012 woww finally someone who gives straight good answers. Thanks Radu ur the best =) anyways, about that im not like that part, ur misunderstanding it, I didnt want her to think that i was a player of some sort, cuz her friends thought that..that i'd only use her for sex.. thats why i focused more on the loving part and thus screwed it up.. cuz she told me herself, I think your rlly sexy and hot, you make me laugh your sweet to me but someting sexual is missing.. so yeah there you have it. by the way last night she asked me something again so i replied but she replied like 4 hours later while she did come on whatsapp she did not open the conversation she had with me until much later, i think ignoring her out of the blue from now on would be a wise thing to do your right. I guess I went weak for a moment there.. so i guess ill just go ignore mode and start dating.. by the way i didnt quite understand this part ; But even if you do get back to her, you do not have much window of opportunity before she moves on again, unless you act differently [she will never reveal to you the real reason she moved on]. This is not supposed to be pressure, it's just how it is It means that i suspect something was missing if she decided to call it quits [you mentioned the sexual aspect]. If you don't provide that, she will leave again. All of the above stuff can do is peak her interest in you again. Once she sees it's the same-old, all of those memories will come flooding back, and they will affect her [she will grow bored faster]. But do the mall/party thing [if you are high-school, hit only on HS girls there]. For one, because you need to get over this. One of the reasons ppl told you to go for NC so bad is because your posts gave off the vibe of needy/desperate. Weather in the end you end up with her or with another girl, it doesn't really matter as long as you get over this ... all of those ppl that hammered you to follow NC were doing it for your own good ... Emilia told you this as well and she is one of the most impartial posters on these boards. PS: Look up the books by Pease on body language and spoken language, they will help you alot. 1
Author Savaris Posted May 11, 2012 Author Posted May 11, 2012 (edited) Yes and I really do appreciate it. I know its for my own good but its hard. But the way you put it.. it makes sense, and my gut is telling me your right and that i should follow it and I will. Once again thanks your really good:D, i know what I have to do now.. Edited May 11, 2012 by Savaris
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