Lovingnature Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Okay here is the situation,my friend who is older than I am has a GF. His Gf has a cousin who is attracted to me,So she decided to have us exchange contact info. Her cousin and I have been taking on the phone for almost a month now and I am ready to take her out on a date,but she has two children from a previous relationship(one 2yrs and the other 5 mon).It's obvious that since she has children that it makes it hard for us to find time to go out. She told me that she's only been in one long relationship which lasted two years(she's 23 and so am I) and that's who she has children by.The rest have been both verbally and physically abusive. I really like her because she is very outgoing and we share similar interests. She told her cousin that she wants me to ask her out then today I did (in a conservative way) and she kinda brushed me off,saying that were just friends for now. I've been single for a year now and I really want a companion to close with again but I don't want to rush her in a situation where she feels like I am going to hurt her like the other guys she's dated. We flirt over the phone all of the time and she even asks me questions about my life and about her from time to time to see if I am paying attention to her. I feel like even though she says she doesn't care for the father of her kids there is still a place for him somewhere in her heart (she hasn't talked to him in 6 months). My questions are " is she interested in going out with me or not ?","I am being too conservative?","Is it worth being friends for now?",and "I am moving too fast?"
january2011 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 she kinda brushed me off,saying that were just friends for now. Not a sign of enthusiasm in my book. I think that if you like her you can keep being friends with her and flirting with her. But until she agrees to a date, essentially you're wasting your time. It may be that her past experiences have made her hesitant and she needs to get to know you a bit better first. It really is up to you if you're willing to invest more time in this. But I'd say that after a month or two, it's probably going to get a bit stale and she could well be using you for an ego boost with no real intention of dating you. With regard to the children's father. He's their father and he'll always be a part of their lives, even if in spirit only. That's something you're going to have to come to terms with if you want to have a relationship with the mother. Unless you have evidence to the contrary, you're also going to have to trust her when she says that she doesn't care for him. Otherwise, it's going to scupper your potential relationship even more than her current reluctance to date you.
dasein Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Move onto other options. "Just friends for now" means she enjoys the attention, but isn't interested in dating you. Seek prospects who don't insist on everything being on their terms. Consider not making excuses for people before you know them and not building intimacy before dating going forward. If she wants to date you, her kids are something she can plan around, and the abusive qualities of her exes shouldn't be an issue discussed before a relationship is gelling. I am very skeptical when I hear "other than the father of my children, who was with me only two years, the rest have been verbally and physically abusive." Up to you how you interpret that kind of statement. Good luck with other options.
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