tornangel Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I am not sure I am ever gonna trust a man again. I havent dated since my last split with my ex which was over four months ago. He of course is in a relationship. He was physically and emotionally abusive to me, and I dont want him back. But i just cant stop being angry at him or hurt . Ugggh. And I know its only making me feel bad. He already has his gf talking about our son , and I havent had anyone around him. I dont understand why I cant just get the heck over it all. Normally I would just move on and date. I have guys interested but I just am not in it : ( Makes me sooooo sad and lonely . High cost for protection I guess. I went from being treated horrible and no boundaries to trusting noone. I dont wanna do this and dont wanna be sad anymore. I know he doesnt care, and I still look at his dumb fb. Part of me wants to break my computer or delete my own fb to stop worrying about hiim. We correspond only there cuz he is overseas. He told me he looked at my pics, uggh. I feel he just constantly still wants to abuse and control me, and I am allowing it. I know I am def no good for any man right now cause I am a mess, but I just want myself back at least : (
Author tornangel Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Starting to feel like somehing is really wrong with me for wanting him to own up to what he did and give a crap. And he has already found another girl to beat, so he wont. And I feel like a nutcase. UGHHH
Svet74 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 You had a kid with him? Yeah this one will take a while. 4 months is not long enough. Give it a yr. but stay busy and time will eventually pass
Author tornangel Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Thats the thing we have been on and off for over 3 yrs and havent lived together for 2 yrs. Its like a sick joke or head game. Ugh. He has been overseas for the whole last yr and he is in a relationship while in Afghan and I am single, how nuts is that. LOL. Oh well , guess just try to stay busy. I want a healthy relationship when I date again, not an abusive one again. So gotta fix me first .
Svet74 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 My best advice to to just heal yourself. Dont even date. And delete your ex from your life no reason for you to know what he is up to. And eventually you will be ready and you will know. You have learned from this one so just better yourself and keep your standards high so you don't end up with another one just like him
Author tornangel Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 Wel I am trying to delete him. But we have a kid, so he keeps saying we need to be friends and I need to be nice. But I completely feel hate towards him, which he loves I am sure. Then he says he is no longer gonna talk to me if I keep being hateful to him and wants to be my damn friends. I tell him I dont want to be friends with him ,UGGGHHH. And he says to me , is hating me making u feel any better. So I think I should delete my fb. I dont know what else to do. I feel like a freakin pathetic loser.
Svet74 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Tell him that he can only contact you if it has to do with your son. And your son only. No other reasons. Set boundaries . That will show him that you have self respect
polish26 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Please, please take care of yourself first. I know you have a son with the guy, but you are your own person! Don't let some ever beat you down like this guy did! I once screwed up because my ex got in my face and I shoved her away from me, which was an honest mistake, and I have blamed myself for that over and over, because I swore to myself I would never touch a woman. I have since made my apologies with my ex since that night and come to the realization that no matter what we can't be friends, not yet, and maybe not ever again and she was truly my best friend... You sound like a great person, and a very strong person at that. You have been through a lot and you should cut the chord because the only connection the two of you share at this point is your child. I wish you the best, and I will hope for the best for you! As I said before you're a strong and good person, so do what will be best for you to continue to be that person!
hinatticus Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Tornangel. Don't ever let one douche make you generalize the rest of us moral men who make mistakes and own up to them. This guy really does sound horrible. You don't have to be friends with him, you just need to be strong for your child. No bashing the father either. All his dirty laundry will come out. Your child will grow up a find out on his own what kind of douche he really is. I did(remember my dumbass dad?). I've since forgiven him but thats beside the point. I'm only 2 months breakup and can't even think about dating. My son is my priority now. Yours is your priority! When your son smiles or laughs, just soak it all in. I agree, fb sucks ass. It's like, how much can we possibly torture ourselves? I've contemplated deleting/blocking/muting but my situation is different than yours. In your case, block the heck out of him! This guy sounds like he has too many negatives. Obviously doesn't care about family! Stay busy, positive, enjoy life with YOUR son and please don't become a man hater. Fucpcg and I have owned up, took proper steps in understanding what went wrong. Good guys exist!
Author tornangel Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 I know u are all right. My heart is so torn tho from everything. I know i dont need to date , I just hurt like hell cuz I feel like I am letting my lil guy down so much : ( I dont want him to grow up in a broken home, but I know his mama and daddy cant be together ever again and its killing me. It truly hurts. I didnt wanna find him a different dad someday, but just have to eventually. Or maybe I will just be a single mom forever. Cant get my heart broken that way ever again. I do focus on my kids, all day. i have absolutely no support or help to 3 children. Their dads do not help, my family lives 10 hours away. So its on my own. Just gets overwhelming sometimes. But I never want them to ever see a man hurt me again, so I stay alone... If not for me , def for them. They deserve a warm, safe loving home...
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) I know u are all right. My heart is so torn tho from everything. I know i dont need to date , I just hurt like hell cuz I feel like I am letting my lil guy down so much : ( I dont want him to grow up in a broken home, but I know his mama and daddy cant be together ever again and its killing me. It truly hurts. I didnt wanna find him a different dad someday, but just have to eventually. Or maybe I will just be a single mom forever. Cant get my heart broken that way ever again. I do focus on my kids, all day. i have absolutely no support or help to 3 children. Their dads do not help, my family lives 10 hours away. So its on my own. Just gets overwhelming sometimes. But I never want them to ever see a man hurt me again, so I stay alone... If not for me , def for them. They deserve a warm, safe loving home... Not trying to blame you or anything like that, but if you have kids from different dads, you may want to look at what was similiar with them that was wrong for you. On the other hand, it could have been the sh*tty hand of fate. If your kid's dad improves, he may not be without one even if you guys are not together. As far as trust, I am totally on the same page. I cannot fathom trusting someone else as much as I did before, however, I think if that time does ever come for me again I can and would. I think breakups/being f'd over make us stronger. I never knew what "NC" was, it was something I just naturally did. But my last relationship, which was my last, I never thought I would hurt so much. I had been hurt before, but buried it and moved on. But yes, I concur wholeheartedly, it is nearly impossible to fathom trusting someone again, but we all will have to again, it is inevitable. As far as when, I say don't listen to the not ready stuff, or determined timeframes...when you are ready, that's when anyone knows. I think the risk has to be worth taking. Edited May 10, 2012 by ToyWithMe812
g450 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 Wel I am trying to delete him. But we have a kid, so he keeps saying we need to be friends and I need to be nice. But I completely feel hate towards him, which he loves I am sure. Then he says he is no longer gonna talk to me if I keep being hateful to him and wants to be my damn friends. I tell him I dont want to be friends with him ,UGGGHHH. And he says to me , is hating me making u feel any better. So I think I should delete my fb. I dont know what else to do. I feel like a freakin pathetic loser. Bzzzt Wrong! You have to be civil. But you do not have to be his friend. And dont delete your facebook, just ban him from it so that way neither of you can see each others posts.
Author tornangel Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 I blocked him from my fb and it feels so amazing : ) He freaked out of course emailing me like crazy . And said I needed to be decent and I told him I was, and that he had a way to contact for his son. And thats all that needs to be discussed. He kept whining and aI ignored. Wow what a great feeling to not have to care about his relationship, who she is, the comments she leaves about our son or anything else . Like a release. And I know he cant stand it only because he cant control me anymore. 1
Author tornangel Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 Toywithme--- Yes they were abusive. Thats why I am NOT dating for a long time ... Gonna take care of me and my kids, no man will disrespect me again .
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