mariex Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) I developed an interest in this Indian guy at work (hospital lol). Well it's more than an interest, I am completely infatuated. He's a complete gentleman, really reserved, kind of shy, even a little uncomfortable around women, but really sweet and INTELLIGENT overall once he "opens up". We kind of started flirting mercilessly right off the bat (that's what I thought either way). We've gone on unofficial dates (kind of landed eating lunch/dinner because we got carried away). We've made out. We text/talk often on the phone. We laugh, and I just feel this strong sexual attraction... It makes work a lot easier to go to. BUT the problem is that he's very closed up emotionally, kind of passive (not much of an initiator), and at times I am not sure whether he is a player or if he is just polite to every woman he meets. Say, for example, I can tell he feels something for me for the way he looks at me, and the little things he says that are really sweet and makes me but at the same time, it keeps me wondering what it is that he wants with me. At times I also feel I am the one initiating most of our contact and I know that if I were to wait for him to do anything, I would wait forever. This kind of leaves me in the limbo about sex lol because I don't wanna be the one to initiate this too. To be honest, this is a big deal to me because I need the sexual aspect of the relationship to be active lol we have been at this for quite a few months. Besides, even if I did, how do I know that he is not just playing along and being nice just not to reject me? Or that all he wants is just to make work enjoyable? I've seen him be really nice, almost too nice, to other women, which kind of leaves me wondering if they initiated other stuff with him too, would he just lead it go that way too? I do not know if this is a cultural patriarchal thing that men are supposed to "protect" women but wow it just leaves me wondering about where this is headed. A friend suggested that maybe he doesn't even believe he is good enough for me so he is just enjoying it "while it lasts". He says that is is because people in India almost idolize white people, is that true? I know that it has to be a cultural thing they are just polite, as most Asians are, so if someone seems to really like them, then would they even be "mean" enough to reject them? It is all really confusing me. I really don't know what to think. Any help on this is appreciated. Edited May 9, 2012 by mariex
LittlePrince Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 He's Indian. It probably won't work for cultural reasons. 1
january2011 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 how do I know that he is not just playing along and being nice just not to reject me? Or that all he wants is just to make work enjoyable? You don't. Whether his behaviour is due to his culture or not, this is his personality. If you need a partner who does more initiating and reserves his attentive gentlemanly behaviour for you and only you, then you might need to look elsewhere. If you really like him, you can keep going, but with your eyes and ears open in case you aren't the only one he's developing a relationship with. Since you work with him, you're going to have to witness his interactions with other people on a regular basis and if you want to continue the relationship, you might have to suck it up or not be in a relationship with someone you also work with. 1
pteromom Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 The best thing to do is TALK TO HIM. We could speculate on how his culture may influence how he's acting, but it would be speculation. Could be that he was taught to be kind and helpful to women, or could be that he's a player or flirt. Since you've only gone on "unofficial" dates, it's a little early for the "where's this going" talk. But you can certainly talk about life goals, dreams, what a perfect relationship would be, dating history, how he grew up, his family, etc. that would give you a lot of insight into who he is and what he wants. I would just relax and take it a step at a time. If at any point, it becomes obvious that there is something about him that makes him incompatible with you, you break it off...
LondonS Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Depends on how traditional he is and where he grew up...if he was born and raised in US, Europe etc than he will be very open minded. Pretty much all my asian/indian friends have partners from different cultures. If however he was born and raised in India and moved abroad in last few years than you may have problem culturally as those men tend to marry within their culture, handpicked wives by their parents. 1
LittlePrince Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Depends on how traditional he is and where he grew up...if he was born and raised in US, Europe etc than he will be very open minded. That's the exact opposite of my experience and I even have asian relatives.
LondonS Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 That's the exact opposite of my experience and I even have asian relatives. Not mine...I am half cast myself! I dated Italians, Greeks etc ( Englishmen are the best ) My uncles are married to blondes...I think its about where you grow up !
yongyong Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 you don't feel you are enough for him. I can kind of guess why. what are you guys position at the hospital? I've never seen a male indian nurse btw.
Author mariex Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 you don't feel you are enough for him. I can kind of guess why. what are you guys position at the hospital? I've never seen a male indian nurse btw. That's because we aren't nurses. We both work doing molecular imaging and we both have the same position so we practically have 1 hour breaks while doing some of these scans lol which leaves room for this kind of stuff to happen. I think I am just gonna ignore the cultural factor and treat it as if it were any other guy and just pull out. It just is irritating because when I met him he was very inhibited and had no interest in women but as soon as we started our semi-dating, all of his interests seem to have sparked. He's Indian. It probably won't work for cultural reasons. Good point. All the deciphering might not even get anywhere after all anyway...
Emilia Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 He is probably a virgin. Maybe he is thinking he won't have sex until he gets married. A lot of those guys don't really date around properly when they are young.
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