Minnie Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 What is the best way to deal with embarrassment and the inadvertant acknowledgement that I have been a doormat, seeking validation and hounding my colleagues and friends to be interested in my interests and I think I have a rep of needing to get a life. If I stop cold turkey then I know I need to get a life ! and if I ignore their pained expressions then I am certain to be less and less in their company. I see that in the past 2 months as I have been trying to solve my own concerns I get less and less of a response. Less of an answer and sometimes. I am triangulating messages hoping to keep all involved in my crisis---no one responds. Bored--they must just not care anymore. Not real friends or I am just pathetic or all 3. Well. How does one cope with embarrassment. It is not like anyone really showed a mirror and I feel I am the slowest in the group in the uptake.....I feel really foolish. No matter the crisis. It is just that no one responds at home and the friends I thought were there are really not interested. Let me know. Do I just brush off and start over and all of a sudden act as if nothing ever happened>?
honey2005 Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 You're problems are important, and you're friends need to be there to listen to what's bothering you, but you also need to make certain that you are there for them when they need you. Its ok to try and get your friends interested in things you like, but you also need to take some interest in the things they enjoy, too. Friendship is give and take. If you're embarassed and hurt over something that's happened, you can't just sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. You need to talk to your friends about what's going on. Real friends would care about your problem, but make sure you give back to them, too. Make time to listen to what's bothering them, not just what's bothering you. If they're really your friends, you'll be able to fix it, and you don't need to worry about being embarassed. Everyone gets absorbed in their own problems now and then. And if no one is willing to listen to your problem, I'm always here to try my best to help:).
ntovrhm Posted June 23, 2004 Posted June 23, 2004 . . you are talking too much about a break-up, and you think they are sick of hearing about it? If so, than you may need to pull back a bit (I'm sick of hearing myself complain about it already). Let it all out on this Board if you must. If that is not the case, than I guess I am confused as to what you are embarrassed about . . .
Author Minnie Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 I just cannot believe as an intelligent person I am in this situation. It is embarrassing. Love for a man. Even now it is platonic yet it seems to have driven me right over the edge of sanity and it is a year later and I still cry every 3 days. Cannot live with the no contact as he is a part of my child's life and has to be. He is very important to her and is her role model and central in her life. So I help the best I can but I am never asked. How can I keep a semblence of dignity? Everyone in the circle knows how hurt I was and everyone is just so kind but cannot help. Meanwhile the company we founded together has taken a different turn and there is a need to hire a new director and of course I am trying very hard to hire the best person possible. Without his advice I feel I will make a mistake and I need to have the imput but I get no response. He is very good at the no contact policy and many of our mutual friends are backing off as well. I just feel so alone. If I make an appointment to see him it seems so undignified and so i try 3rd party input but that is a mess as well. I do not want this dream to die for the company but I need to learn to own the dream as my own and not keep thinking it is ours together. I just feel like i am carrying the constant torch and banner and he has let it go and is not providing feedback and is moving on. Lonely - very lonely and I think of what could have been. I want to bring on board some mutual friends to the company and yet they are wary and are not responding either. I wish I did hate him. I love him still. He did not leave because of me but because the company climate was unhealthy and interfering. Does no one believe in a greater good? It was not my business in the first place. and it was always his dream and he walked away from the money and the mess just to simplify his life and now I cannot let it go.....Worked hard to change company to be able to stand on its own and be what he wanted it to be. Most of the past concerns have resolved. There is a controlling board president still in the mix but if there was strong leadership he would be more secure and get out of the way. Emotional attachment. How can I get over this. Mission is worthwhile and needed but I am only an admin. tailwagger .....I am not the leadership and skill level director that is needed. Good grief. Feel I should start over and curl up and write a book and just let my child bond with him and stay out of it completely. How long does it take to stop crying.
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