CarsAreForNoobs Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 To start, I'm 23, almost 24, and she's 22. It seems relevant to the story to mention because it gives perspective on where we are in our lives. I've been dating the same girl since I was 15 years old. You read that right. We've been dating for 8 years. We just hit it off big time and we grew up together. Yes we had rough patches, especially in high school. Breaks, bull****, and the drama that comes with a high school relationship. Never any cheating or anything like that, but our fair share of fights and disagreements. By some miracle we did what most high school couples don't and made it through. Our relationship matured as we did and we even had classes together in college. I graduated last year, she'll be graduating this year. Now I can't say enough good about this girl. I completely and genuinely love her. We have fun together. Our sex life is great. She has never cared about money and we've always taken turns paying for things. She has her own space in my room and I bought a bigger bed awhile back so she could stay over most nights. In fact, up until now we've never even gone more than 48 hours without speaking. I don't say this lightly because like most of the misc I believe the vast majority of young women are untrustworthy and not worth wasting time with, this girl is wife material. The plan was that next year we would get engaged, she would be 23 and I would be almost 25. Young for many, but given are very long history it feels like the right time. She's a woman so she of course has been pushing for a couple years now but I wanted her to be done with college and more settled to be sure this thing was in the right direction. So here's the snag. She lost her job at the end of December and she's been having a lot of trouble with school. She's a smart girl but she has never been very academic. She can be a very anxious person and tends to freeze on tests. As a result she fell into a pretty deep depression and is still struggling to deal with the stress. I have my own stresses as I'm working on my MBA and still struggling to find full time work. As a result we've had some pretty big fights that made her depression worse. She recently took up training jiujitsu and seems to be pouring everything into that because everything else seems to make her depressed. She has expressed that she doesn't know what to do because she's in love with me but feels like she has no self esteem left and needs time alone. Our contact became sporadic where we would talk every day, but at random times out of our routine. She would still sleep over some nights. Sex is still regular but she still falls into these bouts of depression where she tells me she thinks she needs to be alone. Again, a day will pass, she'll miss me and things will be good again for a day or two. Now I know this girl loves me to her core. She's outgoing and friendly, but when it comes to anything physical, she is extremely reserved. She has never liked being touched. It took her years to be comfortable with me. I very much doubt there's someone else bringing this on. Again, I'm not naive, anything is possible but very unlikely. Obviously the cycle we're in now is unhealthy. I made the decision that we not contact each other at all for at least a week and see where we stand. I don't think she understands the gravity of us separating. I feel as though I am out of options. No amount of talking seems to pull her out of the rut she's in. I want this to work but I can't be with someone who doesn't want to be here 100%. It has been a mere 48 hours since we spoke. She left my house on great terms with high spirits and the only hope I've felt in weeks. I already feel a little nuts missing her but we need to solve this one way or another. Thoughts?
flitzanu Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 dumb it down. i read through but maybe i missed the real problem? is the depression and her becoming distant the "problem" you're trying to resolve?
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